Man refuses to co-sign mortgage of younger sister and fiancé following divorce, family gets offended: 'I thought I was being the nice guy'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 29, 2025 9:00 PM EDT
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Many prefer to keep things in the family when it comes to money.

Whether they are planning their inheritance or looking for a helping hand with their debts, the majority of people look to their relatives as they figure out their finances. It makes a lot of sense when both giving and receiving support, they want it to be their family that is the first in line; after all, most are taught that this is exactly what family is for.

However, just like in any type of relationship, money can prove to be a point of contention between relatives. Loving somebody is not the same as trusting them to make sensible financial decisions, and there are plenty of examples of people who would rather avoid sharing a financial burden with a family member for precisely this reason. The difficult part is saying no, as more often than not, that isn't something that they want to hear.

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  • a man in the foreground holds his head while sat on a couch while a woman sits on the other end of the couch with her arms crossed in the background
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  • This is something that one brother struggled with after he refused to co-sign on the mortgage that his sister and her fiancé were in the process of acquiring. They asked him to do this as she did not have a good credit history, and he was perceived as the more financially responsible family member.

    However, the man had gone through a divorce a few years ago, where he had taken a significant blow to his finances as his ex also had ownership of everything they shared together. He didn't want to get burned again, but his family were not pleased that he was not willing to help out. He looked for a second opinion.

  • AITA for refusing to co-sign my sister’s mortgage after what happened with my ex wife?

    I (35M) got divorced three years ago. Back then | thought I was being the "nice guy" by putting everything in both our names the house, the car, even some of my savings. Big mistake. When things fell apart, she walked away with half of everything and I had to basically start over. It
    via Charming_Sundae_7451
  • was one of those experiences that changes how you see trust and money forever. Fast forward to now my younger sister (29F) is buying a house with her fiancé. She asked me to co-sign the loan since her credit isnt great and said I'm the "financially responsible" one in the family. I told her no. I said after everything I've been through, I
    via Charming_Sundae_7451
  • a woman signs a paper on a desk next to a computer, with a set of keys and a model house beside the paper
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  • just can't tie myself financially to anyone who's not me especially not in a relationship situation. She got really upset and said I was punishing her for what my ex did. My parents took her side and told me I'm being too "cold" and should be helping family not acting like everyone's out to get me. But honestly
    via Charming_Sundae_7451
  • I cant do it. I still have trust issues and Im just trying to protect myself. So now I'm getting guilt-tripped for being selfish when all I'm trying to do is not make the same mistake twice. AITA for refusing to co-sign?
    via Charming_Sundae_7451
  • a man sits on a couch stroking his chin in the foreground, while a woman does the same thing at the other end of the couch
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Mysterious_Wave_1537 Honestly man cant blame you at all. After what happened, I'd be super cautious too. I just hope your sister's at least doing a prenup this time around no point repeating the same mistakes. You're not wrong for protecting yourself
    via Mysterious_Wave_1537
  • Outside_Success 1288 NTA if your parents are that bothered, they can co sign
    via Outside_Success1288
  • Adelucas Never co-sign for anyone except maybe your children on their first apartment. Family, friends, they are all too big a risk. If your sister and her partners credit is that bad they have made some bad financial decisions in the past. They are probably paying a lot on credit card debts and loans, or they have in the past. Maybe the amount they need is greater than the bank thinks they can afford to pay back. It could be a multitude of reasons, but at the end of the
    via Adelucas
  • day you will be on the hook for every missed payment for the next 30 years, plus it will affect your own credit having responsibility for a loan that large. It's too great a risk and you only have to browse Reddit for a few days to realise that family and money don't mix.
    via Adelucas
  • drazil17 Let's say you co-sign, they get married and don't keep up with the mortgage, you are responsible. Worse is if they break up, you owe the mortgage and he takes half the house. Everyone who is telling you to do it is nuts. It's an incredibly bad idea, even if you could totally afford it with money to spare. She can't afford a house yet and needs to get her financial life in order first.
    via drazil17
  • IDGAF53 NO!!!! Her house her problem. She's got a lot of audacity.
    via IDGAF53
  • Limelnternational856 NTA Tell your parents they can co-sign the mortgage if they want to help family.
    via LimeInternational856
  • dncrmom You don't co-sign anyone's mortgage because it is stupid to do so. Unless you are wealthy enough to cover the payments as a gift. It isn't about trust, it is just facts. If the bank doesn't think she can pay, neither should anyone else.
    via dncrmom
  • blondeheartedgodd... I'm sorry, but why don't the parents ever step in to help their own children in these situations? Why do they always lean on the sibling to do it? NTA. If she can't qualify for a loan with her fiancee, then they shouldn't be buying a house until her credit improves.
    via blondeheartedgodd...

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family drama siblings mortgage family brother divorce sister reddit thread fiancé Reddit
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