18-year-old brother refuses to take responsibility for his car repair, 33-year-old sister declines to bail him out: 'If sis and mom want to enable his behavior that is their problem, not yours'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 26, 2025 10:00 AM EST

At a certain point in your life, you have to take responsibility for your own actions. 

Growing up is all about learning how to manage yourself. You learn how to take care of your body and mind, one step at a time. It's not an easy journey. Think about the first time you had to make a doctor's appointment by yourself. You were probably kind of nervous. But this is just one step in the long road to adulting that all of us must take at some point or another. But we don't all reach that point at the same time. Some of us take a lot longer than others to get to a place where we're fully independent. The person in this story still hadn't reached that point when his family started to get tired of his antics. 

When his car had a common issue, this 18-year-old refused to take care of it. Instead, he sought out the help of his sisters, who were older and had more experience with this type of thing. But his sisters had a lot to say about how he was handling this. 

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  • 01
    A teenage boy leans on the hood of his car.
    via Alex Ware

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One of his sisters saw this as an opportunity to draw the line. She wanted to teach him a lesson about responsibility, and saw this as the perfect time. Not everyone agreed with her, though. Read on to see what happened in this story and how they dealt with it.

  • 02

    Am I in the wrong for not helping my 18yo bro?

    I know I might get heat for this but AITA: I am 33 (f) and I have a 18 y/o brother who thinks he's an adult until he has to do adult things. He's know for 2 weeks he needed to figure out why his car was losing coolant. He refused to listen to our parents and take it easy on the car until he took it to the shop. Today he shows up at
    via u/purpleplantlady13
  • 03
    my house and ask if he can borrow my extra vehicle. I asked him why. He said his car is overheating. I asked him why hadn't he taken care of it. He blamed our sister 30 yo, it's her car, she was supposed to take it to get fixed. I asked him does he make the payments he said yes I said then it's your car your responsibility. He said nope
    via u/purpleplantlady13
  • 04
    it's her crap car. She needs to fix it. I asked him how long has it been like this he said a couple days. I called him out and told him I knew it's been at least over a week. He still blamed our sister. I asked him if why not have dad look at it and that turned into an
    via u/purpleplantlady13
  • 05
    argument. Next I said ok why not have dad walk you through how to fix the car. He the said nope. Wont happen. Him and our dad always gets into arguments because we'll he's 18 and thinks he knows better then everyone. I told him he needs to figure it out and call the auto shop and talk to them. He said no why would I do that when I can work smarter not harder and call our sister. She's the easy button.
    via u/purpleplantlady13
  • 06
    So he then calls our sister and she goes into mom mode with him. Then tells him to ask me if i will let him borrow my extra car. I tell them both know. He needs to grow up and start acting like an adult. She basically came to the rescue and is now gonna get it fix for him and he's going to borrow our mom's car to get to work. Basically he instead of figuring it out on his own and relied on our sister once again.
    via u/purpleplantlady13
  • 07

    Commenters weighed in on this situation.

    BigBackeron • 16h ago NTA because at 18 he should not be blaming all of his problems on other people. Unfortunately it seems like he won't grow up until one of these problems can't be easily fixed. You did all you could and he just refused to learn, so you're in the clear here.
    via u/BigBackeron
  • 08
    A man leans on his car in a black and white photo.
    via Dennis Ottink

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    silfy_star 16h ago • NTA If sis and mom want to enable his behavior that is their problem, not yours He's never going to learn everything if they keep babying him, but again, not your problem
    via u/silfy_star
  • 10
    crazycatlady-7384 • 16h ago My younger sibling needed the thermostat replaced in the car my dad gave him. Sibling went out, bought the part but didn't know how to replace on it their own. My husband offered to replace it for them since they had loaned us the car a couple of
    via u/crazycatlady-7384
  • 11
    times. Sibling said no, they'd get Dad to do when they got a chance. A month later, the car overheated to the point the engine block got cracked and had be towed home. My husband and I got blamed because we had driven the car before. Nevermind that hubby offered to replace that thermostat months before and that the thermostat was still sitting in it's box waiting to be installed. Somehow, it was my fault.
    via u/crazycatlady-7384
  • 12
    SubarcticFarmer • 16h ago NTA, and the way he's acting you'd expect to get your spare car back trashed if at all.
    via u/SubarcticFarmer
  • 13
    QuriousiT 16h ago NTA. If he wants a car to drive he needs to take care of it. Also, you can literally buy a huge thing of coolant for like $20 to top off whenever you need to drive. By chance I'm having a coolant leak right now but can't get to my mechanic until Tuesday. I
    via u/QuriousiT
  • 14
    have a big bottle of coolant and just check the level before driving and top off as necessary. Unless it's a major leak or shouldn't be that big of an issue. If it's a major leak or should be very obvious what the issue is and he can probably order the part and watch a YouTube video on how to replace it.
    via u/QuriousiT
  • 15
    If he's unwilling that's on him. Being an adult means dealing with these kinds of things. Stand firm and tell him if driving himself is that important he'll deal with the car. If he won't deal with the car then it's clearly not that important. And also tell him you don't want to talk about either car anymore so if he doesn't have something else to say don't bother calling/texting.
    via u/QuriousiT
  • 16
    Barnes777777 15h ago • NTA, he has shown he doesn't respect sisters car that he is paying for. Why would he show any more respect for OPs car? He is actively choosing to not learn or do anything for car maintenance I would never bower a vehicle to someone like that.
    via u/Barnes777777
  • 17
    ConaMoore • 16h ago Your family is ruining his personality
    via u/ConaMoore
  • 18
    Practical_Air4809 • 15h ago NTA... Your brother is an entitled person of Ill repute that society generally dislikes in general.lifes gonna come at him hard and fast. If your sister wants to be his court jester in flaming underwear, that's her problem, not yours. His problems are also not your problems. Keep trucking on your path, and leave the drama in your rear view mirror
    via u/Practical_Air4809
  • 19
    C_Visit_927 • 15h ago NTA. They will be bailing him out forever. At least he may be getting the picture that you don't plan on being part of that. They are not allowing him to grow up.
    via u/C_Visit_927
  • 20
    HamBoneZippy • 15h ago He is an adult, legally, so he should be trying to act like an adult. You're not his mommy, but for some reason you want to act like his mommy and lecture. him on what you think he should be doing.
    via u/HamBoneZippy
  • 21
    If you really don't want him to use your car just say no, that you have seen the way he cares for cars and don't want him around yours. And leave it at that.
    via u/HamBoneZippy
  • 22
    Druid-Flowers1 • 14h ago . Nta, it's not your weight to carry.
    via u/Druid-Flowers1

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