Mother-in-law demands her son and his New York native wife, who is expecting a baby, move to Virginia after living in NYC for 10 years: 'She said outright it’s only fair that we move to Virginia now.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 1, 2025 11:00 AM EST

This Queen-born woman made it clear that she wouldn't live anywhere but New York long before she and her husband got married. 

If you're not from a big city, you might think of big cities as places that someone lives for a couple of years in their 20s for career reasons, but quickly abandons in favor of more affordable and "safer" areas in the suburbs as they get married and start their families. While that is the lived experience of many people, it fails to account for the vast majority who live in major cities that aren't college towns. No matter what the local news says, the vast majority of city dwellers are normal people who have relationships, get married, and raise families in the city where they live. They might not have as much space or disposable income as people in exburbs, but they reap the benefits of community, good transit, and culture that come with urban living. 

Living in New York, Chicago, or Philadelphia isn't for everybody, but if someone has lived in those places their entire lives, it's going to be very hard to convince them that their life there is actually horrible and they'd be much better off living in the suburbs of a place they've never lived. 

Advertisement
  • A teenage girl with mother or grandmother in the kitchen at home family and generations
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The mother-in-law and the sister-in-law are convinced that their son/brother would be better off living back home in Virginia near them than he would in NYC with his wife's family.

  • Am I the bad guy for telling my mother-in-law we are never moving to Virginia?

    My husband and I met in college I'm from Queens NY he is from Virginia. When we graduated and were deciding what we wanted for our futures I made it clear I was living in New York my life is here and that's where I want to be my entire life so if he wanted to move back to Virginia we should end it.
    via u/Active-Performer-410
  • Train approaching near high rise buildings
    via Luca Bravo

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • He said he wanted to live in NY too so we moved to Queens and have been here for almost 10 years. His mom was not happy about it and has never gotten over it but has mostly kept her mouth shut.
    via u/Active-Performer-410
  • Flash forward to now I'm pregnant with our first (a boy) we went to visit his family for thanksgiving. The entire visit his mom kept making comments about how sad she is she won't be able to see her grandson grow up and how there is so much
    via u/Active-Performer-410
  • more family in Virginia and how my family is so small (For context yes my family is small just my mom, my cousin, her two kids, and an aunt and uncle but we are extremely close and see each other multiple times a week.)
    via u/Active-Performer-410
  • We ignored the comments at first but she kept going. Finally she said outright it's only fair that we move to Virginia now, since we lived in New York for me for 10 years. She said our baby would
    via u/Active-Performer-410
  • An aerial view of Western Virginia cityscape at sunset
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • stronger there, that Virginia is safer, that we could afford a big house with a yard, and that she's retired so she could watch the baby all the time.
    via u/Active-Performer-410
  • At that point I had enough, I told her flat out we are never moving to Virginia our lives are in New York and there's zero chance that's changing. My husband agreed immediately and said he's lived in both places and genuinely prefers New York.
    via u/Active-Performer-410
  • She shut up after that but my SIL told me I was too harsh and I could at least consider it and listen to what she had to say.
    via u/Active-Performer-410
  • Comprehensive Put5569 Tell SIL you've already had 10 years to consider it and the choice is obvious. It's time for MIL to accept reality. NTA
    via u/ComprehensivePut5569
  • unloadingmyhead SIL saying they should consider it and let her say her piece... Like yes, we made those considerations 10 years ago when we chose to live in NY (and the 10 years of living there to really think about the pros and cons of their choice, including now with the baby on the way). Also, did she not just let MIL say her piece 1000 times during this trip without engaging?
    via u/unloadingmyhead
  • 2ways2bay Not to mention the friends, support groups and careers both OP and her husband have built in NY. To be sure, yes the MIL can lightly bring it up and having a HELPFUL family to assist with kids is nice, but once they say no(ideally diplomatically) should be end of conversation. Moving forward husband needs to stop any more messages like this before reaches op
    via u/2ways2bay
  • Djcatoose I agree with everything you said except the last sentence. It seems like the husband agreed with the OP and made it clear. It also seems like there was no way to predict that MIL was going to bring it up at this point. What should the husband have done differently in your opinion?
    via u/Djcatoose
  • CatmoCatmo Not the person you asked, but I think what they meant was that the husband needs to be more forceful and actually shut his mom down firmly in the moment. He may agree with OP, and back up everything OP says to his mom, but he isn't doing anything to stop this dead in its tracks.
    via u/CatmoCatmo
  • Instead of just agreeing with OP and backing her up when she speaks up, he needs to start telling his mom (the first time she says something) that she needs to stop, her opinion on this isn't wanted, their decision is final, and if she brings it up again, they're leaving.
    via u/CatmoCatmo
  • At this point, OP and her husband are just putting up with it and are addressing mom's behavior after the fact. But that's not enough (obviously) to stop it from happening. Mom needs consequences - and the husband needs to be the one interning her what they are, and enforcing them. Ideally OP shouldn't need to deal with listening to this over and over again, let alone be the person who is forcefully standing up for them - whether she has the full support of her husband, or not.
    via u/CatmoCatmo
  • FourGuysOneFence As someone who grew up in the deep south - I also haaaate the round about communication style that OP's MIL has. It forces the other person to either be direct to the point of stepping on toes or just cater to the other person's feelings. It's so common in the Belt, I've just started walking away from family that does it - mid sentence or not.
    via u/FourGuysOneFence
  • cranberry_spike My mother's family is southern - Tidewater Virginia/North Carolina - and boy do they do this too. Hate it so much. Probably one of the most frustrating parts is that people who aren't used to it might not realize just how rude and aggressive it actually is.
    via u/cranberry_spike
  • sevenfourtime If she is retired, why can't she come visit in New York more often? There are so many options with which to do so. As for moving, she is out of line. Her primary duties in raising you are finished. She needs to let you start your own family and be a supportive grandma. She doesn't get a vote on where you live as long as you and your boyfriend are united. NTA. Your directness was needed. Anything less, and she would have kept on until she got her way. The sister might need a dose of
    via u/sevenfourtime
  • Active-Performer-410 OP She thinks New York is dangerous and does not visit very often
    via u/Active-Performer-410
  • floopdoopsalot That's her loss. I'd be ecstatic to have someone to visit in New York!
    via u/floopdoopsalot
  • _oldhead NTA Message has been clear for 10 years. Your SIL, a total AH btw. I empathize. Wife and I moved to New England in 98 (we both grew up in Philly) and still.to this day get "when are you moving home" from various folks every time we visit. Happy you are happy where you live. Keep doing that
    via u/_oldhead
  • AttackOnTightPanties NTA. I know how this feels. I relocated with my partner after he was given an amazing job opportunity on the east coast, and I had to deal with my mother having a fit for months. I finally told her that she was selfish for not wanting me to go and have better job opportunities and to be with my partner, and that shut her up. Sometimes, family needs to learn boundaries.
    via u/AttackOnTightPanties
  • babyinatrenchcoat I'm pregnant first time and family is in Arkansas (I moved ages ago). Folks just seem to have this assumption that you'll be moving back "home" once you have a baby. My home is where I make it.
    via u/babyinatrenchcoat
  • Active-Performer-410 OP And in my case NY is where I was born and raised
    via u/Active-Performer-410

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

family drama daughter in law virginia mother grandma sister in law queens mother in law new york family sister reddit thread Reddit son new york city
Scroll Down For The Next Article