Daughter-in-law refuses to spend Christmas with her mother-in-law because she forces her to cook, clean, and serve the family when she visits: 'It’s not a vacation for me at all.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 3, 2025 8:00 PM EST

She's not their servant.

There's nothing fun about being a guest at someone else's house and being expected to cook, clean, and take care of the home as if it's your own. There are some things you can do to be a good house guest, like bringing a gift for the hosts or helping with the dishes and clean-up after dinner. Those are appropriate things to ask of a guest, but if you make them do those things, cook the meal, and clean the house afterwards, you probably are not fit to host a party.

When you are already taking the time and money to travel to family members' homes for the holidays, you deserve to feel relaxed while you are there. The family hosting Christmas or Thanksgiving has the luxury of not having to travel, and so they are tasked with doing more of the labor around the holiday. It all comes out in the wash if you're a normal family who splits up tasks equally among family members and offers help when needed, but when you shackle duties to one family member who is already fed up with the behavior of the rest of the family and desperately needs a break.

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  • A woman washing dishes in a kitchen sink
    via Documerica

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The mom in this story is fed up with her husband and their in-laws. They expect her to create all the Christmas magic at their house, and her husband insists that she come to this family Christmas or they will divorce. What a drama queen!

  • Am I the bad guy for refusing to spend Christmas with my in-laws?

    My husband and I just had a huge fight because I said I didn't want to spend Christmas at his parents' house. My MIL and I have never fully gotten along, but I still respect her and I'm always a good host when they visit. I do all
    via u/VanieVangurl
  • the cooking, cleaning, making sure they're comfortable and have everything they need for a comfortable stay. It's a lot of work, but I do it because it makes my husband happy.
    via u/VanieVangurl
  • A man in a blue shirt smiling at the camera
    via Remi Turcotte

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • This year, we originally planned to spend Christmas just the three of us, me, my husband, and our son, and even talked about getting a hotel or Airbnb so I could actually rest. I work a 9 to 5 corporate job and haven't taken any leave all year, so this would've been my first real break. But out of nowhere, my husband decided we're now spending Christmas with his parents.
    via u/VanieVangurl
  • When we visit them, I'm expected to do all the "wifely/daughter in law" duties like cooking, cleaning, laundry, everything and given my complicated relationship with my mother in law it is never really relaxing for me. It's not a vacation for me at all and I told him I don't want to spend my holiday working, and he called me selfish.
    via u/VanieVangurl
  • He even gave me an ultimatum, come with him or he'll divorce me. I tried explaining that I am happy to go visit them some other time but for this Christmas holiday I'd like to stick to our original plans but he refused to understand my reasoning for not wanting to go. So, AITAH for refusing to go and wanting a restful Christmas instead of a stressful one?
    via u/VanieVangurl
  • Presents under Christmas tree near fireplace
    via Eugenia Pan'kiv

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • CatJarmansPants NTA. And being divorced by someone who wants a divorce because you won't cook or clean for his mother is all a bit don't threaten me with a good time......
    via u/CatJarmansPants
  • VanieVangurl OP Ha I totally laughed out loud at this comment, he certainly is threatening me with a good time. Thank you for making my day.
    via u/VanieVangurl
  • Go ahead and let him divorce you. Then he can cook and clean for himself. Come on babe you know he's not gonna risk that. Just stay home and let him do what he wants. If you DO break and go to the in-laws, act like a normal guest and do not cook or clean anything. If anyone says his parents (I assume his mom) need help, suggest your husband be a good son and help.
    via u/lllollllllllll
  • FeistyIrish Wench Yep, just say "you were told I was taking Christmas break and I truly meant that I will not be working at all, paid or free. If your mommy wants meals cooked, that's not my job. If mommy wants her house clean, thats not my job. I do not live in her house. I do not owe her my labor as a visitor in their home." And act offended when she expects you to do anything. Clutch imaginary pearls and say "but I am the guest here, that's not what I let you do in our home" And if you do any
    via u/FeistyIrishWench
  • DifferentMachine8557 NTA.... He gave you ultimatum?! Does this happen with every disagreement where he doesn't get his way?
    via u/DifferentMachine8557
  • The-Reanimator-Freak Totally toxic move on husband's part! Cant imagine doing that to the person I love. He can marry his mom then! God that pisses me off.
    via u/The-Reanimator-Freak
  • OkFinger0 Your husband is a sexist, who was raised by sexists. You make plans together, he unilaterally decides on another plan. Enjoy Christmas at home with your son. Guessing there will be less work without a man child around.
    via u/OkFinger0
  • If I were you, I'd go and start some shit by scolding everyone on manners and hosting, all while not lifting a finger but I'm at a take no shit age and stage. You're clearly not there yet. When you are, you'll wonder why you put up with so much bullshit for so many years at the expense of your own well being. Stop participating in modeling toxic sexist behaviors for your son.
    via u/OkFinger0
  • Shanoncat That! Imagine growing up seeing your mom treated like an housemaid (and at least housemaid are paid) from everyone.
    via u/Shanoncat
  • Cool-Falcon5093 Ultimatums are for teenagers and divorced middle aged dudes, I think you know which one he is. NTA, please stand up for yourself. You are not gonna go do laundry and cook meals at someone else's house for vacation please be serious
    via u/Cool-Falcon5093

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christmas family drama daughter in law entitled parents reddit story in laws mother in law family reddit thread Reddit mom son parents cleaning cooking chores
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