Woman finds herself split between 67-year-old retired dad and still-working 60-year-old mom after their move abroad turns years of simmering conflict into late-life separation: ‘They are terrible partners to each other’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Dec 18, 2025 3:00 PM EST

Unfortunately for this 30-year-old daughter, her parents' splitting in their 60s turned into an emotional group project she never signed up for. As it turns out, late-life breakup can hit bystanders differently when it collides with retirement and relocation, and for this adult child, it ends up with watching two decent but wildly incompatible people finally admit they are done pretending this works. 

On one side sits the mother, still commuting, still carrying most of the house load, and quietly seething at a partner who is home all day yet somehow does less than he did while working. Retirement for him did not turn into shared projects or lightness, it turned into more time to stew, argue, and leave chores undone. On the other side sits the father, whose so-called golden years got stapled to a country he never really chose. His routine of decades disappeared, he never learned the language, never built a social circle, and now spends his days in a place that feels foreign, dull, and lonely.  

It is less a mystery and more a slow-motion inevitability. The mother reaches her limit and chooses separation. The father faces the likely reality of moving back to the home country, where friends and familiarity still exist, but without the child he followed. The result is a classic emotional trap for that child, pulled between two parents who were solid caregivers but mismatched partners from the start. 

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  • How can I (30F) help my parents (67M, 60F) during their split?

    Older couple standing closely together in dramatic low-key lighting against a dark background, with serious, contemplative expressions that convey emotional distance, long-term relationship tension, aging, and unresolved family or marital conflict.
    via Nicolas Ruiz

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Retirement was supposed to be the quiet chapter. Instead, it exposed just how little this couple had in common once work and parenting were no longer the main glue holding everything together.

  • My parents (67M, 60F) are splitting up. They have been unhappy for a very long time, and while my dad planned to stick to the status quo for the rest of his life, my mum has reached breaking point and said she wants to separate.
    via Jooles95
  • I'm trying to figure out how to best support them both during this, but I honestly feel a bit out of my depth and could use the advice.
    via Jooles95
  • My parents are SHIT at communicating with each other. They have been and are great parents to me, but they are terrible partners to each other.
    via Jooles95
  • My dad has been diagnosed with depression since the 90s and refused to acknowledge it or seek treatment, is always in a bad mood, and does very little around the house even though he is retired and my mum still works in- office and is out the house Mon-Fri 8am-5pm.
    via Jooles95
  • They are constantly butting heads, constantly fighting, and nothing ever changes. I don't doubt that they love each other, but they are an example of two people who probably should not have gotten married in the first place.
    via Jooles95
  • Elderly couple sitting on a living room couch mid-argument, with the woman holding a TV remote and looking shocked while the man reacts defensively, capturing a tense moment of marital disagreement, communication breakdown, and everyday relationship conflict at home.
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The issue is, we live abroad. I moved at 17 to take advantage of an incredible scholarship opportunity, and my mum came with me to live and work here because they did not want to leave their only (and underage) child. move across Europe alone.
    via Jooles95
  • My dad was supposed to retire a year later, but due to a change in my country's pension age, he ended up going back-and- forth for eight years.
    via Jooles95
  • Even though he has been here for five years now, he has not learned the language, has not managed to make friends, has no hobbies, and hates the weather and food here.
    via Jooles95
  • He is absolutely miserable, and will likely have to move back to our home country after they separate since, aside from me, he has nothing here, while he has family and his friend group of 40+ years there.
    via Jooles95
  • I can't blame my mum - I understand why she wants to separate. I love my dad so much, but he is an extremely difficult person to live with.
    via Jooles95
  • I am doing my best to stay neutral, help them mediate and support them both, but honestly, all I want to do is forcibly drag them both to therapy by their ears and then have a good cry.
    via Jooles95
  • What can I do to help and support them both through this? If they were younger, things would be easier, but at their age I honestly don't know how to handle things.
    via Jooles95
  • OP Jooles95 Thank you; I think I needed to hear that. I'm the only child and the 'family fixer' - a broken computer, an issue with a delivery, problems with a tenant... doesn't matter what it is, I step in and help. They moved across the continent for me, so I tend to feel pressured to go above and beyond all the time in return, especially since I'm now grown and what you would consider 'successful' (got a degree, have a good job, own a house, and am basically the only person in my extended fami
    via Jooles95
  • Cultural_Shape3518 > help them mediate Yeah, don't do that. You may not be able to drag them to therapy, but you can be clear that's the place for them to sort out any non-legal issues. You're their kid, and you love them both, which is why it's not fair or helpful for you to be in the thick of sorting out their issues for them.
    via Jooles95
  • Furda_Karda Why do you think they need your help. They will manage alone, don't worry.
    via Jooles95
  • OffKira - Do not play the middle between them they're adults, they don't need you to mediate their squabbles. If they can't get their shit together during their divorce, well, that seems like just the culmination of decades of sitting on their asses and not discussing or indeed resolving anything. If the option of a hired mediator is a possibility, suggest it to them. Otherwise, remove yourself from the situation; don't put yourself in the position of being their handler, holding their hand thru
    via Jooles95
  • Mountain_Budget_9257 You should do it
    via Jooles95
  • Plastic_Silver2347 hold some space for them and gently remind them to lean on professionals. you can only offer them some help with the logistics. stay out of their battles. they don't really need a solution. just offer some calm company, check on their wellbeing and set some boundaries so you're not their therapist. and only support them as much as you feel good doing
    via Jooles95

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