30-year-old boyfriend refuses to respect girlfriend because she grew up wealthy, claims she hasn't worked for anything: 'I'm not sure what you want me to do about my parents being rich and at this point, you have to get over it'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 25, 2025 10:00 PM EST

One of the biggest and most common roadblocks in a relationship is understanding how each other grew up. 

We all grew up differently, even if the superficial details are the same. Everyone has a different family and thus a different story. You could've grown up in the same town at the same time with the same number of people in your family and have completely opposite experiences of your childhood. It's the people around us who make us who we are, and that's what we can't choose when we're kids. But when we grow up and start to form relationships with each other, this can be the thing that we have to work through. It can be hard to understand somebody else's point of view if you didn't have all the same life experiences. This is especially true when it relates to money. Everybody grew up with a different relationship to money. Some people grew up, not worrying about it, and others can't imagine a world where they don't worry about it. These people have a way of getting into relationships with each other. It's just one of those laws of nature. 

If you can't understand where the other is coming from, at the very least, you can respect it. 

Relationships are built on trust and respect, and if you don't have that, then you don't have anything. But feelings of jealousy are also natural and can be hard to get over. That's what came up in this story when the man couldn't quite understand where his girlfriend was coming from. She grew up without having to worry about money and with a significant amount of privilege. He had the opposite of that upbringing and couldn't quite empathize with her position in life.

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  • A couple argues in the kitchen
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  •  But that's no foundation for a relationship. Especially one that's looking towards marriage. They quickly learned that they didn't have a strong foundation to stand on. The way she saw it, she didn't want to apologize for her upbringing. There is nothing she could do to change it, and it was part of what made her who she is. The way he saw it, his girlfriend didn't work for anything, and he was having a hard time sitting with that truth. Or at least perceived truth. So they found themselves at an impasse when talking about a potential wedding. Read on to see the details of this argument, and to see what commenters had to say. 

  • Am I in the wrong because my parents are rich?

    I (30sF) have been dating my BF (30sM) for about a year and a half. Recently we started talking about marriage and something came up that I'd really like some redditor takes here. For background: both of my parents grew up very poor like food stamps, below the poverty line poor. They were the first in their families to go to college, met in medical school in our city, and are now both doctors retiring this year (go off kingy and queeny). My sister and I grew up financially
    via u/VeterinarianAware989
  • comfortable like private school, - college paid for, vacations. That said, we were not my "super sweet 16 tik tok rich." No cars at 16, no money without a chore or something in repayment. We both had jobs starting at 14, worked through college, and were financially cut off after graduation, which like, yeah, makes sense to me albeit annoying lol.
    via u/VeterinarianAware989
  • So yeah, I grew up comfortable but not with trust funds or "unlimited parental support as adults" comfortable. NOT TO SAY I AM COMPLAINING lol absolutely no complaints my parents rock. Recently, my boyfriend and I were talking about weddings. He went on about how insanely expensive they are (which yeah, totally
    via u/VeterinarianAware989
  • agree) and said he could never justify spending 50k on one night and would rather put that money toward a down payment on a house. Completely reasonable. I haven't done any budgeting yet and genuinely don't know what a small wedding in our city would cost.
    via u/VeterinarianAware989
  • I mentioned to him that we're both actually in solid financial positions: we each own our own town home, savings, retirement accounts, good jobs, and no debt - nothing wild, but stable. So I said, wouldn't it be fun to spend some kind of money on a big party to celebrate your marriage? No one is saying 50k but, a nice big party sounds really fun and honestly - making vows in front of a bunch of people you love and then feeding them amazing food/drinks is literally a dream to me.
    via u/VeterinarianAware989
  • That's when things took a turn. He said I wouldn't understand the meaning of hard work because my parents have "given me everything," implied they paid for my house (not true), and said he had a really hard upbringing that I could never understand.
    via u/VeterinarianAware989
  • For context: he was raised by a single mother with multiple siblings and they lived in a small apartment. He never explicitly said they struggled financially, but it's heavily implied. He had a harder childhood than I did, and I'm not trying to minimize that at all.
    via u/VeterinarianAware989
  • But here's my issue: I can't change the fact that my parents are surgeons. And this isn't the first time he's brought this up. He'll make little comments like: - If I pay for anything (deadass): "thanks, Mr./Mrs. NAME."
    via u/VeterinarianAware989
  • - "You wouldn't know what it's like going to public school," even though he attended one of the best and safest public schools in MA but I digress. - "There's nothing you can ask for for Christmas since your parents give you everything you want anyways." Which...?? The last time my parents got me something, asked for or otherwise, it was a Nespresso machine for my birthday.
    via u/VeterinarianAware989
  • Here's where I totally might be the AH - I low key snapped. Because this isn't the first time he has made a comment like this, not even the 20th. I said, verbatim, "I'm not sure what the fuck you want me to do about my parents being rich and at this point, you have to get over it." He was kind of stunned and then just left. We haven't spoken about it since. It's almost like we are both pretending it just... didn't happen? I want to apologize to him because I feel bad that I snapped but
    via u/VeterinarianAware989
  • genuinely, I don't feel bad about the comment. My parents have never paid my credit cards, didn't buy my house, and I've supported myself as an adult. These comments feel wild and honestly, kind of resentful or bitter? Maybe I'm reading too far into it.
    via u/VeterinarianAware989
  • A couple in the kitchen- a woman chops lettuce while a man talks on the phone.
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters came in with their thoughts and opinions.

    BrokenBlackArrow NTA, and that's a huge red flag. He clearly doesn't respect you, the work you put into your life. Is that resentment going to come out if you start making more than him? Will he hold it against you if he makes more than you/you lose your job and he is the sole breadwinner for a while?
    via u/BrokenBlackArrow
  • SufficientProject273 NTA. He's got a chip on his shoulder and is Jealous of your childhood. That's not going to just go away until he addresses it.
    via u/SufficientProject273
  • megaladoniac NTA. Do not marry this guy. He has a major insecurity that he is letting dictate how he thinks about you, and how he acts towards you. He has a lot of work he needs to do on himself before he can be a good partner to anyone.
    via u/megaladoniac
  • wicked-valentina NTA. This man is showing you who he is, believe him. So many red flags, I would not marry him. There are SUCH good, loving men without snippy attitudes and anger issues out there. Please find one of those to spend your life with. This guy will make you regret marrying him every day.
    via u/wicked-valentina
  • power_girl123 Sorry girl but he might resent you more in future if especially god forbids he happens to struggle financially in future and is showing signs that he doesn't respect you or your upbringing which is kind of a red flag .NTA
    via u/power_girl123
  • Merrik4t NTA and you are pissing into the wind trying to make things work. He genuinely hates you. He hates any show of generosity, any mention of your childhood. Capital "H" Hates you. This isn't a super uncommon wound for people who grew up struggling to have, but it will stain every
    via u/Merrik4t
  • moment of your life going forward. If you think these comments are bad, wait until you see what he says to your kids one day. He lowkey hates himself for making it out and becoming. one of the "lucky ones" but doesn't have the cognitive. ability to see or understand his own dissonance. So he will simply vomit it all over you. Again and again. Forever.
    via u/Merrik4t
  • Animal AkaWillum NTA & I mean not even slightly. You showed great restraint until he pushed you too far. He needs to address his issues, but he may feel that he has no issue. So what you need to consider Miss OP, can you continue blithely along with him, knowing how he feels about your upbringing?
    via u/AnimalAkaWillum
  • You cannot change him & please do not try to, it's like tilting against a windmill. Nor can you make anyone else happy, as happiness comes from within & some poor souls are without. Good luck.
    via u/AnimalAkaWillum
  • Hairy_Scale4412 He doesn't respect you as a independent person. Everything you do or accomplish on your own will be attributed to your parents and upbringing.
    via u/Hairy_Scale4412
  • You sound pretty down to earth and have made accomplishments on your own. I think you need to have a serious conversation about this before evening thinking about getting married. I honestly doubt one or two conversation will actually change the way he respect you. He has some serious resentment towards well off families that he needs to get over, or else this marriage is not gonna work out.
    via u/Hairy_Scale4412
  • Suspicious_Lie651 NTA - he is rude and disrespectful. Apologise for your snapping but you must have him recognise his jealousy.
    via u/Suspicious_Lie651
  • Random_User1402 Why on earth would you marry someone who is eaten up by jealousy about you growing up comfortably? My husband's family is not only dysfunctional but poor on top. Worked himself up and everything. I, on the other
    via u/Random_User1402
  • hand grew up very privileged and super spoiled. He never said or would say something like the guy you currently call your boyfriend and is glad that my childhood and youth were so carefree.
    via u/Random_User1402
  • MizzyvonMuffling Frankly, he's a jealous idiot and you should not marry him. He will not get over it because he has his childhood trauma to deal with. If he doesn't seek help for his issues, don't make them yours. Love won't heal him, reality will and some help to get him back there.
    via u/MizzyvonMuffling
  • Sunmoon98 NTA and why apologize if he's the one that keeps making the comments. Sit down and talk to him sure. But make him take accountability for the constant jokes that's not true
    via u/Sunmoon98
  • Due-Impression-47... NTA. It's almost like he has resentment that you had a good comfortable childhood and upbringing. You can be comfortable and not be spoiled. He's taking away every accomplishment you have had as well which isn't okay. I wouldn't apologize. It's
    via u/Due-Impression-4701
  • a huge red flag the way he's acting. Editing to add: If yall are serious it would also be very important to discuss what parenting would look like and make sure you are both aligned on things you plan to give/do for your children. My husband grew up in a rough household as
    via u/Due-Impression-4701
  • well and he is 100% on board and hoping e can send our kids to private school and set them up for anything and everything they would need. You don't want to marry and have children with someone who would want them to suffer just because he did or something.
    via u/Due-Impression-4701

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