21-year-old starts babysitting niece once a month instead of fortnightly, gets lambasted by brother: 'You're a professional victim'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 31, 2026 9:00 PM EST

No sensible parent falls out with a free babysitter.

While there are many valid reasons to stop using somebody as a childcare option, if a trustworthy adult is willing to watch your kids for no money, that is not an arrangement that you want to screw up. If that person happens to be a family member, even better—they should have more of a vested interest in your kid than a random babysitter who may not come cheap. This kind of arrangement is not a privilege that everybody gets.

At the same time, there are plenty of people whose relatives have young children who feel like they are taken for granted and mistreated when they agree to babysit for them. Many parents take this as an excuse to act out in ways they might not with a professional. It can also make them far more entitled to their time, and expect them to watch their kids even when it is inconvenient, or puts too much strain on their family members. It is not uncommon for arguments to occur because of a difference in expectations between parents and their relatives about how much childcare they are going to participate in. 

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  • a woman sits next to a toddler in a high chair who is eating a meal
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • In particular, younger female relatives are often seen as an easy target when asking for babysitting, then expecting to be able to treat the babysitter however the parents want. They can also be especially indignant when these kinds of babysitters stand up for themselves and demand to be treated correctly.

    In this story, a young woman and her sister agreed to babysit their brother's baby once every two weeks, once he and his fiancée returned to work. This arrangement continued for several months, until the woman's circumstances changed and she informed them that she could only babysit once a month.

    Despite the fact that her sister still agreed to the original arrangement, her brother reacted angrily, leading her to cut contact with him. She found herself suffering the consequences of this, and wanted to know if she was in the wrong.

  • Am I wrong for telling my brother and his fiancée that I won't be babysitting for them anymore?

    I (21F) have a brother (27) and his fiancé (27F). They had a baby in November 2024.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • Before the baby was born, my sister (23) and I agreed to babysit every second Sunday once they went back to work.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • At the time, I was working casually and had a flexible schedule. By mid 2025, my work and personal commitments changed.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • I gave them notice that I couldn't keep committing to every second Sunday. I said I could still help once a month.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • My sister continued doing the fortnightly babysitting. My brother didn't take this well. He said it was "pretty piss poor effort" and that I knew this was my responsibility.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • I told him I agreed to help when my situation was different and that I was still offering to help, just not as often.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • He replied that if it wasn't for my sister they'd be "completely fucked over" and that I couldn't use holidays or events to get out of this.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • I told him the way he was speaking to me was part of why I didn't want to keep committing, but that I was still willing to help once a month.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • Part of why I reacted that way is because growing up I wasn't treated very well by my brothers and there was physical fighting at times, so being spoken to like that as an adult just brought a lot of that back up for me.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • He then said: "If you don't want a relationship with your nephew that's cool. If you're going to pick and choose when you want to be around, you can go do your own thing.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • You're a professional victim. This isn't about you. You're delusional." After that (August 2025), I stopped speaking to him and his fiancé.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • Since then, I've left the family group chat due to feeling extremely uncomfortable in this and found out they've been talking about me behind my back, including saying no one would hire me and calling me "scat." My mum has tried to talk to my brother about how I've been treated and cut out, but he and his fiancée don't care and don't want to resolve it.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • I've been told I should apologise for backing out of the babysitting, but there's been no apology for how I was spoken to or for the ongoing behaviour.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • I'm also not invited to another brother's wedding because they don't want me there. AITAH for saying I couldn't babysit every second Sunday anymore?
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • Edit: as people are asking, this was completely unpaid and we even had to provide our own food as we are there for 8 hours and it is a 40 minute drive each way.
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • a woman crouches on the floor, holding utensils of a plastic cooking set for the toddler next to her
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • ingridible9 NTA. I wish your sister would stop babysitting for them too so they can actually face consequences for being such assholes.
    via ingridible9
  • Wide-Interaction-527 Original Poster's Reply My mum also babysits for them 3 days a fortnight and has stopped working to be able to do this
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • UnusualPotato 1515 Why do they need babysitting on a Sunday? Do they both work then or they just want a break from their responsibilities as a parent?
    via UnusualPotato1515
  • Wide-Interaction-527 Original Poster's Reply They both didn't want to give up working Sundays due to the Sunday pay rates (I live in Aus and I'm unsure if other countries have this)
    via Wide-Interaction-527
  • donname 10 Nta but be grateful instead. You've cut the toxic part. Enjoy your sunday and be happy. Ignore the family drama and dont engage. When attending a gathering shows that you dont give AF about them. And just mingle around. Leave as soon as possible. Thats how you stay human instead of a doormat.
    via donname10
  • Alternative_Side 1772 NTA your brother is being entitled and manipulative. you do not deserve to give him your time to babysit HIS kid and then have that attitude with you. i would've told him his kid not my problem:
    via Alternative_Side1772

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family drama baby babysitter brother babysitting family entitled people
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