Employee acts like her manager’s director, constantly second-guesses completed work, and creates fake emergencies: ‘She is constantly acting like we are not doing our jobs’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Mar 8, 2026 2:00 PM EDT

Too many offices have that one coworker who treats their job title like a typo. On paper she is just another staff member. In her heart she is the shadow director sent by the universe to audit everyone's competence and heart rate. Coworkers like this one are like a new breed of teacher's pet, a breed that acts like a vice principal and bosses the teacher around

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  • Two women sitting at a table with a laptop and coffee, having a serious discussion while working together in a home or office workspace.
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • How to deal with an employee who acts like they’re my director.

    Hi all, I manage a small team of 4. 3 of them are a dream. They work hard, require little from me because they know what they're doing, they accept responsibility if they make a mistake (exceedingly rare) and they're just great.
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  • I've never had a single issue with any of them because they like to work for me and I love to work with them.
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  • One of them, however, is a daily challenge. She is constantly acting like myself and our director are not doing our jobs.
    via Brave_Piccolo1747

  • You know the type. The contract has already been submitted months ago. Leadership is simply waiting like everyone else. Meanwhile, she is pacing the virtual hallway, behaving as though the entire organization will collapse if she does not send one more panicky email about the status. Nothing says I trust my manager like constantly implying they forgot how to hit send.

  • She makes everything an emergency. We're waiting to get a renewed contract and she is hounding us and acting as if we haven't submitted everything we need to.
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  • We have. We did months ago. It is completely out of our hands yet she continues to nag.
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  • Two women sitting at a table with coffee cups, one gesturing while speaking as the other listens attentively during a serious conversation.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I submit billing for my team and even after telling her I've submitted an invoice for her, she comes back days later and asks if I actually did it.
    via Brave_Piccolo1747
  • I am not allowed to CC anyone on an invoice submission. I can only send it to the inbox where all billing is sent.
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  • Weird rule but it's how it is. She recently made a small mistake on a report.
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  • I caught it right before submitting it and asked her to change it. It was one number on a date that needed to be changed.
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  • Then there is the billing. She is told the invoice has been submitted. Policy says the invoice cannot be copied to her. Instead of accepting the basic idea of rules, she circles back days later to ask if the sender really did it. It is less follow‑up and more low‑budget internal affairs investigation.

  • Quick and painless. However, she blamed ME and said I need to do a better job of checking HER work.
    via Brave_Piccolo1747
  • Two women sitting together reviewing something on a smartphone, one pointing at the screen while explaining as the other listens closely.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Every day I wait for her to do this and I'm getting tired. Luckily my director knows she panics and makes everything an emergency but I'm pretty tired of it.
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  • I kind of admire how some people have the audacity to completely ignore the fact a mistake was entirely theirs. One wrong date on a report. A colleague catches it before it leaves the building. Crisis avoided. Instead of a thank you, she informs the colleague that they need to do a better job checking her work. That is Olympic‑level mental gymnastics: mess up the job, then promote yourself to quality control over your own manager.

  • The big issue is we work at a nonprofit where we're a "family" (eye roll) and so the lines are blurred as far as boundaries are concerned.
    via Brave_Piccolo1747
  • I do not want to give in to her daily freak outs and accusatory tone because all that does is show her she's doing something right.
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  • All of this is happening in a nonprofit where leadership insists everyone is a family. Which is code for we do not really have boundaries, but we do have potlucks. So now the manager is not just her boss. They are also her designated emotional shock absorber for every perceived emergency that lives only in her inbox.

  • My director is fair and capable and leads our team well. I try to be like her.
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  • And every day is a struggle when someone acts like we're idiots. I'm not sure how to deal.
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  • The real move here is quiet emotional distancing. Treat her like an overly dramatic smoke alarm. Acknowledge the noise. Check for actual fire. If there is none, carry on. Keep the tone flat, keep the answers short, and let her panic bounce off calm professionalism like it just hit a policy wall. Families may blur lines. Work does not have to.

  • Suggestions?
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  • Odd_Inspection_9175 We may have had a misalignment in expectations. Going forward, I need you to take full ownership of your work. If you'd like review before submission, ask - but it won't be assumed." You're responsible for the quality and completion of your assignments. If something is unclear, I expect you to ask before moving forward not shift responsibility afterward."
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  • Brave_Piccolo 1747 Original Poster's Reply Oooh this is excellent, thanks so much.
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  • VFTM "Are you ok?"
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  • Brave_Piccolo 1747 Original Poster's Reply Hahaha love
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  • BeeFree66 I'd leave out the "we are a family here" cuz there's some aversion to that notion.
    via Brave_Piccolo1747
  • Brave_Piccolo 1747 Original Poster's Reply I think the being a "family" part is what makes it so hard for me in this scenario. If everyone acted as co-workers and didn't overstep then we'd be fine. My husband works in a corporate setting and he's amazed at what we put up with where I work. The being a "family" idea at work is NOT a good thing. All they're really saying is we don't upset anyone on - purpose and we put up with a lot more than we should because we're a faaaamily
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  • finding_out_stuff Could litterally showing her that things are submitted and then send her an email you and her verified together. Then let her know any further repeat questions she will be directed to her email that you sent to her in her presence when you showed her what she was asking about. Maybe after a few of these she will realize its her memory or that she is a control freak and maybe this isnt right for her if she wants to have over sight that isnt in her job description
    via Brave_Piccolo1747
  • Brave_Piccolo 1747 Original Poster's Reply You'd think right? I've done this. I just did it the other day. Then today she asked if I actually sent it. It's RIGHT THERE! Here's the email!
    via Brave_Piccolo1747
  • Valuable_Bluebird334 What would be the grounds for firing?
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  • Brave_Piccolo 1747 Original Poster's Reply Exactly this. Again where I work it takes A LOT to get fired. And what she's doing isn't grounds for firing. It's just frustrating.
    via Brave_Piccolo1747
  • Maximum_Employer5580 you just need to put on your big boy manager pants and have a sit down with her to professionally discuss her actions. May even want to talk to your boss first to determine proper steps as this employee could easily become problematic and cause HR to possibly get involved. One of those situations that everything needs to be done by the book and cross all of your T's and dot your I's kind of thing
    via Brave_Piccolo1747
  • VernalPoole Schedule a one-hour block of time with her every two weeks and tell her that's her time to bring up anything that's bothering her about your processes or progress. Whenever she tries to initiate an emergency, remind her that her time to talk to you about all those questions is scheduled and you'll discuss it then. Tell her to make her own list of items to bring up in the meeting. Keep repeating this, to eliminate the joy she takes from making everyone dance to her music. As a manager
    via Brave_Piccolo1747
  • NoRoof 1812 Start writing her up or put her on a PIP if possible.
    via Brave_Piccolo1747

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management workplace discussion employment issues boss workplace-stories employee hr coworkers
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