23-year-old contributing to groceries and chores refuses to start paying rent while older brother lives for free at home: 'I made it very clear to my parents'

Author image for Celeste Mello
Celeste Mello • Writer and Editor
Apr 8, 2026 7:15 PM EDT

Living with family as an adult often requires negotiating chores and bills. There's always someone who contributes more than others, and it's easy to get fed up when you're the one who's not receiving special treatment.

In a shared household, rules are shaped by each family's own sense of fairness. Often, responsibility isn't shared equally, and the one who contributes the most can end up feeling frustrated. Whether it's cooking, doing laundry, buying groceries, or covering extra costs every day, these small imbalances start to feel like a real burden over time. How far should you go to honor family expectations without sacrificing your right to be treated fairly?

Differences in responsibility or finances between siblings can escalate into big arguments and years of resentment. It's also common to feel at odds with cultural norms or gender role expectations from your family (remember they grew up in a different time). But as a result, this makes it even more challenging to demand the respect you deserve as an adult in your own home.

Now, imagine moving back home after college, only for your parents to establish a new household rule that basically requires you to pay rent. And what's even worse is that this rule didn't apply to your older brother before, so he never contributed in the same way, and he's three years older than you. Would you accept the rule without saying a word, or would you speak up and demand fairness? Well, in today's story, a 23-year-old sister is demanding respect and personal autonomy. She's even willing to move out and pay rent elsewhere if necessary. Meanwhile, her brother still gets his lunch packed… NO ONE can deny that the situation is clearly unfair, yet her parents seem so committed to their new rule that they show no signs of backing down. 

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  • Young woman at home, arms crossed, feeling frustrated over chores.
    via Unsplash+ (Vitaly Gariev)

    Young woman at home, arms crossed, feeling frustrated over chores.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I, 23 F, had moved back in with my family after graduating university last summer. During school, my parents would help me out with rent and groceries if I really needed it, but for the most part, I would work and save money during summer break, reading week, and holidays.
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  • As for tuition, I was grateful to be offered a grant that covers most of it, but I had made a deal with my parents to have them cover the rest.
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  • I started working my first job as soon as I turned 15, and the deal was that I would give my parents 80% of the money I earned from each of my pay-checks in exchange for them promising to help me out with tuition when I get to university.
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  • They held onto their promise and I am extremely grateful for that. Recently, however, my parents are claiming that my brother and I need to start contributing financially if we are going to continue living in their house.
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  • I believe my parents are just upset at my brother and I am collateral damage. I made it very clear to my parents that if they truly want me to start paying them rent, that I am willing to do so only after I turned 26 (if I am still even living with them at that point), and only AFTER they charge my brother rent up until the point where I turn his age.
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  • My brother is older than me, 26 years old, and is absolutely terrible with money. He owes me a total of $4000 and owes my dad a few thousand as well.
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  • Two parents looking upset at home, illustrating family tension.
    via Unsplash+ (Vitaly Gariev)

    Two parents looking upset at home, illustrating family tension.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Since my brother is 3 years older than me, I told my parents that he basically got to live at home, rent free, for three extra years which is unfair to me.
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  • My parents responded saying that if they are going to start charging rent, it is only fair that this new rule applies to everyone.
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  • AITA? some FURTHER context: I HAVE mentioned to my parents that if they will start charging rent, then I would prefer to live elsewhere where i'd be paying anyways.
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  • But they are extremely traditional and against that idea. They allowed for me to move out for school but they said their culture is against women moving out of their family homes until they get married.
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  • I also contribute to the household groceries (which my brother never does), as well as the cleaning every single day (something he also doesn't do).
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  • I also contribute to gas money as well. All while my mom still packs my brother's lunches for him for work and cooks him his breakfasts and dinners.
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  • Older brother lying on the couch, relaxed, watching YouTube.
    via Unsplash+ (Josef Maxson)

    Older brother lying on the couch, relaxed, watching YouTube.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • CigarLover Just want to point out that your parents are trying to have it BOTH WAYS. In your culture, as a woman, they said you should not move out until you're married... Well.... guess what? I BET in the SAME culture they are traditionally NOT suppose to be charging you rent.
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  • miriamtzipporah NTA. Don't know why people are ignoring the fact that the rule is being enforced unevenly with the brother paying nothing for 3 years and continuing to pay nothing. Why should OP have to follow a rule that is only being applied to them?
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  • lufluf Traditional parents who don't want their daughter to live alone before marriage DO NOT charge them rent.
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  • meekonesfade INFO - are you currently working? Do they need the money? At the end of the day, if you would prefer to move and pay rwnt instead of paying rwnt to them, feel free to do so.
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  • Isummerfae NTA You can tell who didn't read the entire story. It's not fair for them to treat you differently than your brother. I'm scared to ask if f he also gave them 80% of his wages in high school. I hope they will work it out with you, but I have a feeling you're going to be just fine, regardless of which way you go. Congratulations on being a responsible, fair-minded person! Don't let them marry you off to someone who will hold you back!
    via hero1701

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family dynamics family stories parenting self respect parent of the year self care parents entitled people
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