Friend steps out of cohosting a cookout as she was in charge of all the expenses for people that aren't even her friends: 'I’d rather attend as a regular guest.'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Jun 21, 2026 6:00 PM EDT

Something as good as a gathering with friends can end with the discovery that your friends aren't who you thought.

A cookout with friends, music, and decorations sounds great. Well, it can go wrong quickly. When somebody hosts a gathering, the guests are expected to either contribute or bring something so that the burden is not only placed on the hostess. This is common knowledge among most people and cultures, but that doesn't mean that everybody respects it. When you organize something like this, you have to be aware of how your friends behave with this and then make the decision of whether you want to host or not.

In this Reddit story, the user described that when he realized that a lot of people –who aren't his friends– were going to come, he figured that he would have to pay even more, as those people didn't have the behaviour of contributing to them. When I read that the story changed the topic to me, it went from being screwed over for money to pay for some other people's party to the lack of manners that some individuals have.

Being a decent human being involves not expecting everything to be taken care of by somebody else, especially if you aren't even friends with that person. The entitlement that the people in this story had is incredible. First, the friend expecting this user to pay for everything just because, then the other friend that started to invite people without consulting or even contributing anything, and lastly the guests who did not care who was paying for everything as long as it wasn't them.

Maybe the problem wasn't just the friend, maybe it was the whole friend group, with their lack of accountability and the poor manners they have. 

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  • 01
    Image of what could be a cookout with friends and family.
    via Hybrid Storytellers

    Image of what could be a cookout with friends and family. 

  • 02
    1 (32F) planned a joint cookout with my best friend (31F) for several weeks. We agreed on the guest list, costs, and responsibilities. Since it was at her house, I agreed to cover about 85% of the food costs while she handled hosting duties.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 03
    My best friend is currently broken up with my guy best friend (32M), who I've known for over 10 years. I assumed he'd be invited, which was fine.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 04
    After we sent out the invitation, I received a separate invitation from him for the same event listing only him and her as the host. Other friends immediately started asking who was actually hosting because they also received an invitation from him. When I asked my friend about it, she said she'd told him he could invite some of his friends.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 05
    Then I found out he was also making other decisions, like bringing in a DJ, without discussing it with me. This bothered me because:
    via Beach_cherry
  • 06
    I'm paying for most of the food.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 07
    He recently lost his job and isn't contributing financially.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 08
    His friends rarely bring anything and I've ended up covering tabs for them before.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 09
    He has hosted plenty of parties over the years and never invited me.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 10
    I told my friend I hadn't agreed to fund a larger party for people I don't know. When I got no response, I reached out to him directly and explained that it felt like the cookout had gone from something she and I planned together to something he had inserted himself into.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 11
    I told him I was stepping down as co- host and would provide the list of food and supplies I had planned to cover so he could take over those responsibilities. He claimed he didn't know I was a co-host, but this was bulls because the original invitation had my name on it and the new one didn't, so someone intentionally removed it.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 12
    I eventually told both of them I'd rather attend as a regular guest. When he argued that he should be able to invite his own friends, I said he could invite whoever he wanted, but I wasn't willing to keep funding an event that had changed without my agreement.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 13
    I ultimately decided not to attend at all.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 14
    Now my friend is left figuring out the event without me and I feel guilty.
    via Beach_cherry
  • 15
    A grill with food, representation.
    via Evan Wise

    A grill with food, representation. 

  • 16
    womanonymous23 Info: don't know how to answer because I simply have never heard of such a complicated highly planned my life triple-cohosted-barbecue in
    via womananonymous23
  • 17
    berlenba How is he your guy best friend if he hasn't invited you to multiple parties in the past?
    via berlenba
  • 18
    milkysin so your guy best friend undermined you in a snakes way, tried to use you for your money, and doesn't invite you to things? He's not your friend babe
    via milkysin
  • 19
    NYDancer4444 They're broken up, but they're hosting together. He's your "guy best friend", but he has never invited you to any of the many parties he's hosted. This makes no sense.
    via NYDancer4444
  • 20
    annep 1982 NTA- you were being used and played. They are both responsible and both j re exactly what they were doing
    via annep1982
  • 21
    Sae_something NTA but how is he your "guy best friend" and he never even invites you to his parties? I'd say it's time to evaluate some friendships..... people who treat you like this, nah mate. We're grownups now and we treat each other with respect.
    via Sae_something
  • 22
    monixthegoat Yeah that sounds like people trying to throw a party while you cover the costs you totally didn't miss out on going.
    via monixthegoat
  • 23
    A person grilling meat, model image
    via zaccain

    A person grilling meat, model image

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friendship money problems misunderstanding cookouts
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