Parents let their son's girlfriend move in to help her save money, only for her to spend two years without contributing to the household: 'I feel disrespected and exploited in my own home'

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Cata Holmes • Writer
Jul 11, 2026 1:00 PM EDT

How long should parents tolerate one-sided living arrangements?

A concerned mother reached out to the community in r/family because of the odd situation she's dealing with her daughter-in-law. Apparently, the girl had to leave her home and asked her boyfriend if she could move in with his family to save money. They agreed she'd pay $50 for household expenses, but after two years of living with them, she hasn't contributed to anything, not even paying that money.

We can totally imagine how the mother can feel in this situation. She was kind enough to let the girl move in with them because of the tight financial situation she was in, but at the same time, expected some type of contribution to the expenses. Since she's not having to pay rent, the least she could do is pay those $50 we know she can afford, or help with cooking or cleaning.

Of course, the mother feels a bit out of place if she has to demand the girl to help around, and debates whether talking with her son is going to help with anything at all. It's an awkward conversation to have, since essentially, she's demanding her to behave with manners she had to be taught at home. 

The part that sounds the most complicated to me has to do with the fact that she's not only not contributing at all, but she's also treating the home like it's her own by borrowing things without asking, and not being polite when reminded she needs to pay her part. And also, the worst part of all is that they cannot kick her out! If they agreed to have her move in, then somehow they have to make this work since they will not leave her on the streets!

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  • My son's girlfriend has been living with us in our family home for over two years. They are both in their mid 20s. When she asked to move in, my husband and I pretty much had no choice but to accept because she had to leave her previous rental as she couldn't afford the rent.
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468
  • We didn't mind as she seemed lovely. I bought them a new bed, new bed linen and various things for their room. After a couple of months I asked her to contribute $50 a week towards household expenses, the same as my son pays. They are both working so they can certainly afford it.
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468
  • However she never pays on time and is currently 6 weeks behind. I reminded her of this as she was leaving the house today and she simply replied 'Yep' and walked out the door. I get the impression that she believes she is 'family' and doesn't think she should be paying to live with us.
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  • She doesn't contribute in any non-financial way, doesn't cook for anyone except herself and sometimes my son, doesn't clean up except for the occasional quick flick with the vacuum in their room, doesn't take care of our possessions (borrows things without asking and loses them or takes them to a friend's house and they get broken but she doesn't tell us until we ask where they are)
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  • doesn't offer to help with anything and does the bare minimum clean up when she uses the kitchen (she might run her dirty dishes under the hot tap for example but won't bother to wipe down the benchtops). She is very friendly and chatty towards me in general but if I say anything that could remotely be interpreted as critical, she gets very defensive.
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468
  • If I raise the issues with my son he will talk to her but it doesn't make a difference and I come off as complaining about her behind her back. I don't want to tell them to move out because the whole point of them living with us is to be able to save money for their future and I also don't want my son to feel he has to choose between us and his girlfriend but I feel disrespected and exploited in my own home.
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468
  • Edit. I should add that she is Japanese, although living here permanently. Also my son has saved a lot of money and always pays on time. She can certainly afford to pay but doesn't see it as a priority. I don't know if there is some cultural issue that makes her feel entitled to live with family for free
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468
  • Second edit. Thank you to everyone who replied. I wasn't expecting so many responses but the general consensus is clear. I have been way too soft and enabled this for too long and need to lay down the law, not just about paying on time (and probably also paying more) but generally contributing to the household as a responsible adult, with the option of moving out if she can't comply. Thanks Reddit community!
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468

  • The comment section was very helpful with the mom, and most Redditors agreed it was time for her to have a serious conversation with her son and with the girlfriend. Although she has been too soft and has allowed this behavior for two years, it's time to change things and to have both of them collaborate in the house, or they should consider moving out.

  • AnyMinimum4253 I think it's time for a family sit down and you reiterate the rules and your boundaries and make it clear if things are not paid by a certain date and there's no effort to help they can seek their own place. Not for nothing they're adults in their mid twenties, working. They're very fortunate to have this setup and you be kind and inviting. They're not babies, they're taking advantage of the situation and she sounds very entitled and unappreciative.
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468
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  • Milan514 "My husband and I pretty much had no choice but to accept" That is wrong; you had a choice, and you still do. You need to have a difficult conversation with her, set some rules, and enforce consequences if they're not met, to the point where you kick her out if necessary.
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468
  • heyyabesties Look mom, this is your house. You set the rules, you set the standards. If she doesn't like it she can leave, it's that simple. You're letting her take advantage. That stops now. Lay down the law and take your house back. Don't speak to your son, speak to her. If she gets defensive, there's the door.
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468
  • sakura7777 I am half Japanese. I was shocked when I got to that line. NO it is not cultural- it's quite the opposite in fact!! This is shameful behavior in that culture. I'm sorry you're dealing with this! She is so ride.
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  • WholeAd2742 Evict them both and stop enabling this bulls
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  • Jolly_Membership_899 Why are parents allowing their children to shack up with their girlfriends and boyfriends in their family homes? If your son and his significant other can't follow your rules then they need to move out.
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468
  • CuriousCat1828 Time for them to get their own place! Give them a 3 month deadline
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    Spacious modern home interior with an open-concept kitchen, living area, and large windows.

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  • Lisa_Knows Best Charge your son more, he gets to pay for both of them now. Has it occurred to you that this woman may be using your son? She pays for nothing, contributes nothing, helps with nothing and gives an attitude when asked to keep up what she agreed to? Meanwhile she gets everything for free because she's latched onto your son and you by extension. What does he get out of their relationship besides the obvious?
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468
  • tommyb178 Where is your husband in this? He needs to talk to her with you too. And yes OP you're being too nice. Sit down talk with her and let her know. I'd charge way more than $50 per week; you're too kind.
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468
  • Strong-Individual220 Most culturally Japanese women, and East Asian women in general, wouldn't move in with their partners parents before marriage. So this isn't a cultural thing. She's taking advantage of you, and you need to ask her to move out. If your son is so concerned, they can rent a place together.
    via Quokka_Bliss_2468

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