Dad refuses to pay child support to his son because he used to pay more than he had to before, but is currently unemployed, he tried to reach an agreement with ex-wife: 'If I went to court, my support requirements would be zero.'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Jul 11, 2026 5:15 PM EDT

Divorce is not only separating from your spouse, but it's also separating your whole life and responsibilities in half, and not everyone is good at managing that. 


When two people decide to file for divorce, they are often only thinking about separating from each other forever, as if that was what it was entitled to. It isn't. Divorce is not only about the couple itself, but it's also about everything that they had, whether that is a house or even children. When you get married, you're not only deciding to spend your life with someone. You're also agreeing to share everything that you have with someone else. You decide to form a family (even if that is only you two). Marriage is not only a way to celebrate love, but is also an agreement, a contract. And like every contract, you have to do your part. 


Unlike just being in a relationship without making the big step to marriage, when you are married, you have obligations when married and when divorced. These are things you have to do, and can't renounce. Even when the couple is completely separated, you still have to be obliged to certain things, such as child support, for example. If you had a kid during that marriage, you will have to either be the primary caregiver or provide enough money for the kid to live. This is usually the biggest problem when couples get a divorce. They think that their responsibilities are over. They aren't. You still have to care for your kid, and that is the number one priority. 


This Reddit story got me to think that sometimes things aren't so linear. Even though the main priority is to care for your child, maybe sometimes you could have a valid reason to not do it for a while. And that doesn't mean that the kid stops being the number one priority. It just shows that not everything can be the exact same for everyone. That is why court is always the best option to settle things up in the best and most fair way possible. Prioritizing the child's interests, but at the same time, not putting impossible standards on an unemployed person. 

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  • 01
    Don't judge, hear me out. Me, (M 68) was married to my ex (F 65) for 43 years. We have an adult son with special needs. 2 years ago, she hit me with a divorce out of the blue. I asked to go to counseling and she refused. We share custody of our son but she'ss primary. The court ordered I pay $961/month child support. I was making pretty good money and I figured I could do better so I paid her $1,300/month. Last December, I lost my job and,
    via TwinGroves
  • 02
    A book open with a judge's gavel beside it, visual representation.
    via Sasun Bughdaryan

    A book open with a judge's gavel beside it, visual representation. 

  • 03
    since I had paid her so much Child Support in advance, I asked her to give me a bit of grace on the support. She had, in the meantime, married a man who is retired and is fairly wealthy. They go on cruises all the time. I've found out that she was talking to this guy on a dating app while we were still married. I just got a new job and, I've been trying to get caught up with the debt I incurred while unemployed. Also, I started
    via TwinGroves
  • 04
    collecting Social Security. My special needs child gets half of what I receive as a dependant child with special needs. (About $1700/month) Last week, I got a letter from my ex telling me she expects me to pick up Child Support payments again saying that she is no longer working and they need the money. She wants me to catch up on all missed payments without giving me gredit for the extra money I had been paying her
    via TwinGroves
  • 05
    when I was previously employed. She threatened to go to court and garnish my new wages. Here's the thing, since our child gets SSDI benefits from my social security benefits, the law states that those payments can be applied against my support obligation dollar for dollar. In other words, if I went to court and asked that the support order be modified so that his SSDI payments are applied, my support requirements would be
    via TwinGroves
  • 06
    zero. I know the crop storm of Krakatoa proportions tthat would rain down upon me if I did this. But it seems only fair.
    via TwinGroves
  • 07
    A man sitting in front of a trial in court, model image.
    via Saúl Bucio

    A man sitting in front of a trial in court, model image. 

  • 08
    Fluffy_Dragonfruit_4 WNBTAH - go to court and have them make a legal decision
    via TwinGroves
  • 09
    CrinklyPacket Sounds like you just need to go back to court and have it judged fairly. And based on what you're saying, I'd be paying exactly what I'm legally obligated to. And just treat my son well when I have him.
    via TwinGroves
  • 10
    soitgoeskt Go to court.
    via TwinGroves
  • 11
    muffiewrites You go straight to a lawyer and figure out your actual legal debt, not your ex's accounting. You pay court ordered pay. Her behavior pre and post divorce has absolutely nothing to do with what you owe to your child. Child support is not free money for the ex. It's money that the custodial parent
    via TwinGroves
  • 12
    uses to pay for the support of the child. Listing her sins and her current wealth is bad optics all the way around. Don't do it. It's about your financial picture. If you don't already have a plan in place for your child after you two become too old to actually care for him, get one in place. If she refuses, this is when you ask the courts to force it.
    via TwinGroves
  • 13
    Thatswhatshesaid924 I mean, I would get a lawyer and go to court. The money you are providing your son is for your son, not your ex. Just because she is not working and needs money, doesn't mean she can ask you for more child support.
    via TwinGroves
  • 14
    Appropriate Win9538 If CS is court ordered, then make 100% sure that the SSDI payments cover your b t. Or she can and will take you back to court it sounds like.
    via TwinGroves
  • 15
    Fragrant-Half-7854 How much does it cost to take care of your son and how much direct care are you doing vs how much is she doing. My special needs son required 24/7 nursing care. Other special needs just need someone around in the event of an emergency.
    via TwinGroves
  • 16
    Revolutionary-Chip20 Do it. Anything you pay should be through the court anyway. Any payments made you your ex above the court order is usually deemed gifts and not actual support. Let her file through the court, and then take your pay stubs SSDI
    via TwinGroves
  • 17
    payouts and let the court decide what you do or don't owe. Source is in PA in the U.S. I went through paying child support and this is how my jurisdiction ran.
    via TwinGroves
  • 18
    mcindy28 NTA You need to speak a lawyer first and bring receipts of everything that you have paid and you need to bring this to the courts attention before she does. Your Ex is a cheater and trying to profit off of you while still living lavishly with her new husband.
    via TwinGroves

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