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18 Hilarious White People Tweets That'll Make You Forget How To Dance

Sometimes white people on Twitter are just low-hanging fruit.

Posted by Meeeeesh
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  • 1
    Text - Adam Hess Follow @adamhess1 Took 28 years to realise that no matter what the meeting is about, if you randomly chime in with 'it's just about finding that balance' people will always agree.
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  • 2
    Face - Ballpoint Papi @Tw1tterPicasso Woah Vicky fan art Tvdterfinsso @twttterpicasso 4/18/18, 9:15 PM
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  • 3
    Text - joe heenan @joeheenan 10 years ago today, I married my best friend... My wife's still really angry about it but me & Dave were drunk & |thought it was funny 3:33 AM 31 Aug 17
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  • 4
    Text - Bill Bones Follow @BillZoeker A Quiet Place is like Get Out for white people because what white people fear more than anything is having to shut up for once 7:46 PM -18 Apr 2018
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  • 5
    Text - Bryce Tache @brycetache Yesterday I asked my 12-year-old son what other kids at school think about him having 2 dads. His response: They don't care but they don't like how I'm immune to "Yo Mama" jokes. 4/19/18, 2:33 PM
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  • 6
    Text - Denizcan James @MrFilmkritik Kids: When you're choosing your college schedule, you'll hear a voice saying "just take the 8AM class. It won't be that bad. You've done it for this long." That's the devil talking. Don't listen to him.
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  • 7
    Text - El @severalcrows "we need to have a podcast together" is the millennial "dude, we should totally start a band" 2018-04-17, 6:51 PM
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  • 8
    Text - Bryan With a Why @doublewenis Don't embarrass a guy by telling him his fly is open in public. Just be a man, walk over there, and slowly zip it up for him. 4:38 PM 11 Aug 16
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  • 9
    Text - Nick Colletti @nick_colletti explain the grinch in five words 1/22/18, 10:53 PM 250 Retweets 2,261 Likes Alec McAulay @mcaulay_alec 12h Replying to @nick_colletti Broccoli boy learns to love t137 413
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  • 10
    Text - jake @squidslippers pickup lines are ok but BREAKUP lines are fantastic: dang girl, are you my homework? because i reeeaaally don't want to do you anymore. |dang girl, are you college? because i've spent a lot of time and money on you and honestly i'm pretty disappointed with my experience so far.
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  • 11
    Text - Jordan @JORDANBENNING if your zodiac sign is asparagus dont even bother being my friend because im a caprisun and we are not compatible 24/12/2017, 12:31 AM
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  • 12
    Text - maeve @bbiss666 job interviewer: so it says here you have experience with business what business are you in? me: i'm in the business of misery let's take it from the top she's got a body like an hour glass it's ticking like a clock
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  • 13
    Text - NEGATIVE CHILL @FilthyFrank white kid - mom can i stay out past 9 tonight mom no white kid - "CRAAAAAAAAWLING INNNNNN MY SKIIIN!!!"
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  • 14
    Text - Mike Kinsella he Ge Geo Du gu @mybandowen Spty Idon't really smoke pot but I'm planning on eating enough wings at lunch to "fuck me up" 4/20/18, 8:15 AM
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  • 15
    Text - Sarah Jones @SarahJonesVent Bless me father for I have sinned, keep singing the bare naked ladies. Priest: how long has it been since your last confession Me: it's been..
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  • 16
    Text - TechnicallyRon @TechnicallyRon Lifehack: Turn any noun into an insult by simply putting "You absolute' before it. Examples: You absolute drum You absolute fridge You absolute shed You absolute goose You absolute bollard
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  • 17
    Text - Nick Wiger @nickwiger "Horses are just really big dogs" "You fucking idiot" "Wow, interesting how you choose to attack me instead of engaging my argument in the marketplace of ideas" 11:50 AM 13 Feb 18
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  • 18
    Text - umami skeleton @Merman_Melville I've spent my whole adult life chasing the high of a scholastic book fair
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