Groom Cuts Off Musician Friend Who Can't Attend His Wedding Because Of Work

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mattstaff
Aug 31, 2019 1:00 PM EDT

This groom asked the people of Reddit if he was in the wrong for cutting off his musician friend who couldn't attend his wedding, because of work. From what the responses are saying, people seem to be in agreement that this guy is in fact an asshole for the move. 

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  • 01
    Text - r/AmltheAsshole JOIN u/MissionPudding 3d WIBTA for cutting a close friend off for choosing work over my wedding? Asshole This is something I've been thinking about for months now and I need some help. I apologize for how messy all of this is.
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 02
    Text - I have a friend who I've been close with since junior year of high school. He is a musician member in a pretty mainstream band and is currently touring. While I've (obviously) seen him less and less over the years due to his success we do still talk on an occasion and I see him when he's in town. I am honestly nothing but happy for him and I want nothing but the best for him. But I'd also like for him to be a good friend and I feel like that's the exact opposite of what he's doing.
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 03
    Text - I'm getting married in October. 1 asked my friend shortly after I proposed if he would be one of my groomsmen, and he agreed. Official invitations went out early last month, but my wedding date has been publicly known for over a year and a half due to its significance. He knows and has known the day I'm getting married since then.
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 04
    Text - In mid-May he told me he didn't know if he would be able to be in my wedding because of touring. I was pretty upset then but he said he would try to figure something out. I won't pretend to know how far in advance he would've found this out, but he told me before the tour was officially announced so in my mind I had at least a little hope that he would still be able to be in the wedding. We texted back and forth a few times after that in the weeks following but never about my wedding, and
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 05
    Text - Then last month the tour was officially announced and my wedding date is one of tour dates. I was LIVID and called him and left a message asking him to call me as soon as he could. He called like two days later and when I confronted him he told me that there was nothing he could do and that this was a sacrifice for both of us. I pushed him more and he got extremely short and shitty with me and said that he "didn't have time or energy to deal with this right now" and hung up To be honest I
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 06
    Text - l understand how busy and stressful his life must be, and I also understand that sacrifices sometimes need to be made, but this just has me feeling really shitty about myself and our friendship. I feel like I matter way less to him than he does to me. I was at his wedding and pretty much nothing would have prevented me from attending it, and especially not work. I don't want to lose his friendship but I also don't want this to be the first of many times he lets me down. So, WIBTA for cutt
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 07
    Text - Willbabe 3d Asshole Aficionado [13] YTA. In this situation, he has very little power over the tourdates, most of which will be decided by his record label and his managers. He probably told them that if at all possible please see if they could work around this absence, and they weren't willing. Adults understand that life isn't always fair, and sometimes we have to miss things we want to do and things we care about because of our work. Now, Beyonce could probably force the issue, or a big
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 08
    Text - lolofit 3d Partassipant [4] YTA. Your wedding is the biggest moment in YOUR life, not his. His career and future are more important to him than your day. He didn't end your friendship over it, he didn't cut you off, he didn't purposely schedule a show on your wedding day. That's just how the cookie crumbles
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 09
    Text - flora_pompeii 3d Partassipant [4] YTA. Weddings feel very important to the people getting married, but to everyone else they're just someone else's party. A wedding invitation should be given in a spirit of genuine openness and understanding, and the bride and groom should understand that noone can be in two places at once and some people just won't be able to make it. Making a friendship contingent on attendance makes you a rude asshole.
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 10
    Text - Reina_Izu 3d Partassipant [3] YTA. You should really take a hard look at yourself- this is incredibly selfish thinking. He obviously doesn't mean much to you if this is the option you'd like to take. Your wedding is not a life-changing event to anyone but you and your future spouse. I would have even come to the same judgement if he wasn't going to be out of town on tour and instead was just working a minimum wage job locally. Sometimes people have to be adults and do important things, li
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 11
    Text - ProbablyMyJugs 3d Certified Proctologist [25] YTA. Your wedding day is an important day to you It's incredibly selfish to expect a friend to put their career in danger for your wedding. I get it, it sucks, and your day is important. But just because it's the most important day of your life doesn't mean it's the most important to him. This is his career. You gotta accept that this is how his world is.
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 12
    Text - YesButSooner 3d Partassipant [3] YTA. One, people gotta work for a living, organising a band and tour operation is such an intricate machine, a member can't just flake out on the band for social events. Two, he did the right thing in advance and warned you of a likely schedule conflict with his work. Don't confuse the official announcement date with all the preparation that happens behind the scenes with venues, organisers and promoters. Three, how 'close' of a friend can you be if you'd
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 13
    Text - hammr25 3d Partassipant [1] YTA Your friend isn't the person scheduling the tour dates in the band. For him to be at your wedding they would have had to schedule the tour to be in your area near that weekend. They were never going to schedule their entire tour around your wedding.
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 14
    Text - Sh00terMcGav1no 3d Are you marrying this guy or your wife cause it seems like you care more about him being there than anyone else. Also hes in a band that's a lot more fun than a wedding for a large man child. YTA
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 15
    Text - worlds-best-frycook 3d YTA or you would be, I hate to say it because I understand how big of a deal a wedding is and it sucks to not have your close friend there, but if they told you that they may not be able to make it and the band schedule isn't something they have complete control over then what can they do? From what you've said it sounds like they wish they could be there but they just can't be. It doesn't mean your day won't still be special and that you can't be friends still. It'
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 16
    Text - shirleysparrow 3d YTA. Someone in the band or touring staff will have some sort of personal conflict every weekend no matter what. There's always going to be someone's wedding, graduation, birthday party, or more that you're going to have to miss in order to make tour logistics work for everyone. It's part of the job. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, but everyone else in his band and team have had to make similar sacrifices and miss things at home they'd rather be doing. You can let him f
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 17
    Text - redditanon17 3d Partassipant [1] YTA, BIG TIME. You do realize that it's not up to the Band members to determine the exact dates if the shows, right? He's in a legit band, which means a ton of factors go into scheduling a tour. They are at the mercy of venue availability of the cities along the way. If you think planning a wedding is hard, it is cake compared to planning a national or international tour. That said, many have already pointed out that this is YOUR big day. Not his. He obvio
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 18
    Text - ProperYam 3d Partassipant [1] YTA. He told you months in advance that he might not be able to make it. It doesn't sound like he planned the tour to purposefully mess with your wedding. Venue availability and logistics is something he doesn't have 100% control over, especially when he is in a group. As for why he didn't tell you directly, considering your reaction when you did find out (and you being pretty upset when he did tell you in May) he just might not have wanted to deal with that
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 19
    Text - Ninestrings 3d Partassipant [1] YTA People are not obligated to revolve their life around your wedding. While i get being upset that your friend cant attend him putting his career first is not only understandable but completely logical. Especially in the professional music industry that shit is hard to get into. Just enjoy your wedding, everyone who can come is a gift, not everyone can, life happens.
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 20
    Text - LadyMisha412 3d Partassipant [1] YTA GROOMZILLA!!!! You want to break up a long friendship because someone has other obligations that won't allow him to attend your wedding. Should he have told you before the tour dates were announced, yes. Should you have called him angrily and made a huge deal out of it, no. That parks you squarely into TA category. I think the friendship will break up naturally because you two have different priorities and the fact that you think you should be the only
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 21
    Text - avast2006 3d Asshole Aficionado [14] YTA the reason he didn't tell you "100%" that he wouldn't make it is because tours involve a lot of negotiations with a LOT of different people and places, and he didn't know for sure until the tour details were finalized. Fixating on that tells me you are just looking for a reason Not everyone can make it to every important event in your life. Hate to break it to you, but you don't actually matter as much as you'd like to believe. People have lives of
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 22
    Text - policeboxgirl 3d YTA. Sorry mate but this is on you. I'm sure your friend would have liked to be at your wedding, after all he had you at his. Do you have any idea of the logistics involved in organising a tour like this? You think organising your wedding was tough? A picnic compared to touring. Your friend probably had no say on the tour dates and didn't even know them for sure until the release. He was probably holding out hope that he wouldn't be working that night so he could attend.
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 23
    Text - tooeazy4me 3d YTA.. BUT i can understand where you're coming from. I get it, you're upset your very close friend couldn't tell you he couldn't make it first and that he won't be able to make it. The frustration is very clear and anyone who says "oh please his work is way more important" clearly hasn't put themselves in your shoes. being said, you should take yourself out of your own perspective and see the bigger picture that his tour is his career and future and if that means he has to m
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 24
    Text - Rinabobeana 3d YTA. Sorry bro but this is YOUR wedding. I get it. I just got married last year and I know the importance of friends being there. However, your friend is in a band. This isn't just a solo guy in charge of all his own times and dates. It's an entire BAND. This tour is probably important for his lively hood, as his other play mates. Do you really think your day trumps his life goals? Get it together guy. Your one day is YOUR one day. It really has no bearing on anyone else ot
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 25
    Text - EisForElbowsmash 3d Partassipant [1] YTA If you expect someone to potentially tank their career, especially a career as hard to break into as music, over your wedding then you are truly an asshole's asshole.
    via u/MissionPudding
  • 26
    Text - UnihornWhale 3d Partassipant [2] YTA You have put zero thought into how much planning and scheduling goes into touring. I don't know the details but it involves legally binding contracts, the schedule of the venue, a road crew, and every other member of his band at minimum. Unless you want to call the venue and see if they think you're as important as you think you are, the date can't be moved. Your friend has little control over the actual dates so get over yourself or consider this frie
    via u/MissionPudding

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drama controversial wedding Reddit musicians
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