Ten Major F*ckboy Red Flags
While The Donald may no longer be president, fckboys still reign supreme. Some are easy to spot with names like Chad engraved onto their Juul and bare abs nearly always exposed, but others are advancing, learning how to mask their inherent douchiness within normal society.
Fckboys have become masters of projecting falsehoods for their own benefit in stealth. I have come to realize that the best way to weed out a true fckboy from the crowd, is probably just to give him enough time to fck up on his own. There is no exact science behind how many minutes or months this process may take to prevail, but usually, if a man is genuine, you will be able to feel it out soon enough
Well, ladies, call it a guilty conscience, or, perhaps, just a wanting to level the playing field. Whatever the reason may be, I, a blaringly self-aware fuckboy – hyper-emotional, trend-hopping, intimacy fearing and all! –have decided to explain the top ten moves you should look out for from f*ckboys.
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Lying
F*ckboys are infamous for lying. Fuckboys say things that they think the person they are speaking with wants to hear instead of sharing their own thoughts because they know they have none.
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Dropping Racks
F*ckboys have a tendency to flex… not just their toned pecs upon relatively little to no request, but their deep wallets. Or, what they at least like to make you think is their deep pockets.
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Full of Themselves
Fed false confidence their entire lives, Fuckboys are notoriously arrogant. Not confident, but cocky and supreme. Not God necessarily, but who is to say that God even exists? And if there is God, who is to say that his name isn't Austin and he isn't crushing White Claws and bed boards on the nightly? Pulling ass is a religion to fuckboys and each follower has appointed himself a prophet.
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Their Clothing
His fashion sense is consistent with his personality. Desperate to be seen, f*ckboys wear overly logo emblazoned apparel. Lacking the ability to form their own opinions, fuckboys will hop on whatever new style the hottest celebrities are promoting, regardless of whether they actually vibe with the product being promoted or not.
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They live right nearby! Not a coincidence.
When a fuckboy starts telling you he is very familiar with the area, don't immediately assume he is a renaissance man. More likely, the dude is cultured enough to understand that if you are having any trouble finding a cab leaving the club, his air-conditioned apartment is conveniently situated around the corner!
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Competition Which They Must Win
F*ckboys are focused on attaining a goal, rather than enjoying the journey which means they are willing to afford casualties along the way. That is the f*ckboy mentality. Look out for number one… at any and all costs.
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Manipulative
F*ckboys, are sleazy, shallow people, which means they are willing to manipulate you if it means a chance at sex (notice I never write making love). A f*ckboy will approach you at an emotionally vulnerable period if it means he may garner favor/attention. With f*ckboys, a lot of persuading and convincing comes into play, rather than courting.
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Ghosting
F*ckboys are royalty when it comes to ghosting culture. They will flake on dinner to drink with the boys, just as easily as they will stop responding to your text messages with a shred of urgency once they have already sealed the deal (i.e. just to reiterate, again, I am talking about SEX. Good ol' finger banging, butt licking, steamy, sweaty sex).
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Skip wine and dine. Just 69 her.
F*ckboys only want to hang after ten pm. They will do anything to delay/cancel plans that involve any energy beyond that necessary to unzip your pants. With the adoption of instant relief apps, like Tinder and Grindr, patience has become a lost virtue, and skipping to the pleasure has become all-important.
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The Invitation
To expedite the intimacy of your guys' relationship, the fuckboy will eagerly invite you to a party of his or to hang out with supposed close friends. Don't be fooled by this tactic.
1) Chances of Tyler following through with this promise are slim and, 2) If Justin does in fact come through with the invite, don't be surprised to find out that he invited a few other potential prospects to the gathering as well.
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