'I'm afraid to go back to work': Employee makes the mistake of becoming her problematic coworker's best friend, now requests to move offices

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Dec 25, 2023 2:00 PM EST

There is a reason why one should never get too close to one's coworkers. Now, you are meant to see these people five days a week for at least eight hours a day. Of course, it is totally natural to make friends with at least some of your coworkers. You can't ignore the fact that you see them more often than your real friends. Furthermore, grabbing a drink or a bite to eat after work is a natural extension of those relationships. You are by no means obligated to do so, but it is not a blurring boundaries if you do decide to take those coworker friendships outside of the office every now and then. However, if you start to catch wind that your coworker is a bit too reliant on your emotional support, perhaps it's time to put those boundaries up.

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  • 01
    "I'm absolutely dreading coming back to work and seeing her" TECI retres
    via Austin Distel

  • This thread was posted to Reddit's r/coworkerstories subreddit by u/badllamagoodllama, who unfortunately had to deal with a messy, problematic coworker. This woman was almost twenty years older, but it's clear based on this story, that age has absolutely nothing to do with maturity. After the coworker wrote nasty messages to OP during a work conference, OP has been dreading coming back to work, has requested to move cubicles, and is even considering resigning. Keep scrolling below to see the full play-by-play. When you're finished, check out this post about a candidate who rescinded their application at the last minute.

  • 02
    LostInThisMemory - 15 hr. ago I scrolled back up to look at ages. Not gonna lie, a lot of older generation coworkers are so unprofessional, they take their personal issues out on everyone and have all these cognitive distortions.
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 03
    Your coworker is mid 40s, cannot regulate her emotions. How do you know you're not the first person to want to report her to HR? Sometimes it's just that one person that needs to report someone or provide serious timestamp proof of unprofessionalism so HR can justify taking action. What if you don't report, and she acts out to someone else like this? 32 Reply Share
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 04
    r/r/coworkerstories Posted by u/bad llamagoodllama 12 hours ago Coworker blew up at me over text and now I'm afraid to go back to work I (mid-20s f) and my coworker (mid-40s f) have both been at our job for 6 months and sit next to each other. Over this time, she has gotten into conflicts with many of our other coworkers,
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 05
    management, and even upper She admittedly management/HR. has some difficult behaviors: she is extremely thin-skinned and took many, many things people said personally, would become hostile and lash out or withdrawn and passive-aggressive when she felt slighted, and would accuse people of doing things deliberately to undermine her or "make her feel" a certain way (she said this a lot).
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 06
    Yes, there were red flags, and I ignored them, which is my fault-I have my own issues with wanting to be liked/cared about/valued by other people that I am working out. I also genuinely liked her as a person and felt bad for her that she appeared to have no support from management.
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 07
    Last week at a work conference she accused me of lying to her because I didn't tell her something my boss said right away (about a situation we were both involved in,
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 08
    although I was peripherally involved and my boss said he would talk to her separately). She said she felt betrayed and that she was always forgiving me but I kept letting her down. Hearing this was upsetting to me and I was already very stressed, so I decided to leave the conference early the next day
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 09
    and just go home, which was an hour away. When she found out I was leaving she called me up and screamed at me, "Why are you doing this to me?" and "You're doing this to hurt me." She demanded I get in the car with her immediately to go to the conference center and I felt so scared that I did, but when we got there I decided to leave again
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 10
    because I legit felt freaked out and confused at this point. After I left she immediately began sending me nasty texts alleging I made her feel stupid in front of our other coworker. I responded and tried to be empathetic to her, but was also fed up at that point and told her I was sorry this was upsetting her but that I still didn't feel I deserved to be spoken to that way and it felt like everything I was doing was wrong.
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 11
    Later that night she sent me about seven paragraphs where she completely ripped me apart, calling me manipulative, selfish, and self-centered and saying I was never worthy of her friendship. She turned almost every time we hung out and everything I did against me and said I had begged for her company and she'd sacrificed her own time for me. She said she should have set boundaries with me and never let me in her life because all I did was take. It was devastating to hear her say all this and I a
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 12
    I spent literally hours both at work and outside work (on the phone and in-person) listening to her rant about how our management was against her and how they were making her life miserable and robbing her of her achievements and recognition that she felt she deserved. I consistently tried my best to respond to her with patience and empathy and I now feel I spent a lot of time taking care of her emotions.
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 13
    These text messages ended with her saying she doesn't want anything to do with me, to stay out of her life and never contact her again. She said "this is your loss, and you will realize it very soon." I blocked her on everything and obviously am respecting her wishes not to contact her in any way, shape or form.
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 14
    The day after this happened, I went to my manager and asked to have my cubicle moved. I gave them a brief overview of the situation but did not go in-depth or show them the text messages, although I do have screenshots. Unfortunately, they don't have any free cubicle space and the person they asked to switch fought it and refused.
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 15
    One of my biggest fears is that she is going to make a false complaint against me and claim I'm harassing her somehow, despite the fact that I have done nothing to her, because she has done similar things in the past (alleging that she's been made to work unpaid as well as discrimination by management/HR, without evidence) and she's very erratic. I'm particularly worried that if I can't get my cubicle moved and it's harder for me to avoid her that she'll find a way to do something.
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 16
    I'm off for the rest of this week but I'm absolutely dreading coming back to work and seeing her, let alone sitting next to her. The last week has been and I'm honestly struggling to function at this point both at work and outside. I cry every day at work and am having trouble eating and sleeping. I'd like to resign because this just feels untenable. I'm in a decent financial place rn (have a lot of savings, just also student loan debt). But I feel trapped because it's a bad time to find a job,
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 17
    I'm conflicted about resigning and want to know is there anything else I can or should do that might help me make this situation more tolerable? I'm afraid if I went to HR they would view it as a personal issue, and also if she did face consequences that she would retaliate.
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 18
    Kieranrules 15 hr. ago wow that's awful. You should give more detail to HR because she will screw you. Good luck, can't cure crazy.
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 19
    Brua G 13 hr. ago It sounds like she is a known issue at the company. If you just hang on long enough, she will probably spontaneously combust. Try not to emulate her erratic behavior so that you don't get lumped in with her. Hang in there.
    via u/badllamagoodllama
  • 20
    badllamagood llama OP 12 hr. ago . Thank you. I think this is what I needed to hear (esp the last part) and I truly appreciate that you said it in an empathetic way. It is easy for me to get stuck in anxiety spirals which take up a lot of time and only undermine me in the end, and I definitely don't want to perpetuate her drama or let it further dysregulate me, especially to the point that it might affect how people view me at work or my other relationships. This was an extremely unsettling situ
    via u/badllamagoodllama

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terrible coworkers workplace-stories work stories toxic-workplace job work coworkers reddit thread Reddit company toxic-work-environment
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