'I threw a shower for myself': Expecting parents ban 'delusional' MIL from seeing baby

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jan 8, 2024 11:00 AM EST

There are lots of details that go into planning a baby shower. It's a joyous celebration of expecting parents-to-be. Showers are usually thrown by those close to the pregnant person, like their friends, family members, or coworkers. It's all about the new baby and the mom---people bring cute presents and play baby-themed games. Sometimes the parties are even a surprise. No matter how they're arranged, baby showers are meant to celebrate the mom's pregnancy journey and the upcoming arrival of a new little human. Plus, having a baby is not cheap. Being gifted diapers, bottles, clothes, or toys is really helpful for new parents who are just starting out. 

That's why this expecting couple was so stunned when their MIL decided to make the baby shower day all about herself. The story is a wild ride from start to finish. Commenters gave the OP, u/Awkward_Nerve6154, and her husband some helpful advice, and she responded in a follow-up comment. For a MIL this crazy, there might not be a way to come back from pulling a stunt like that. She was probably so busy thinking about herself that she never considered what the consequences of her actions would be. 

Read through this unforgettable story, as well as the eye-opening comments from readers. Then, check out the story of a photographer who spent their last two weeks of work quietly sabotaging the photo studio. 

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    Cheezburger Image 9861652480
    via Tai's Captures on Unsplash
  • 02
    AITA for telling my MIL she won't be seeing my baby after throwing a baby shower for herself? My husband and I are expecting our first child. We moved to be closer to his family. I'm no contact with mine. My mother in law has been referring to the baby as "her" baby this entire time. She will say things like "I can't wait for my baby to be born." "My baby is going to be so loved." This rubs me the wrong way for reasons I cannot explain, but my husband tells me to ignore her.
    via u/Awkward_Nerve6154
  • 03
    My MIL wanted to throw me a baby shower and invite her friends. She said they made an agreement a long time ago that they would celebrate each other's kids' weddings and births. My husband and I eloped and declined a reception for her friends since we don't know them. My MIL told me that I owed it to her to let her throw the baby shower since I hurt her friends' feelings by not having wedding reception. I asked if I could invite my friends, and she said no, that this was for her friends, and tha
    via u/Awkward_Nerve6154
  • 04
    My husband and I spent hours on our registry, and my MIL asked for it so she could share with her friends. She said she forwarded the registry on. She asked me what design I wanted on my cake and cookies. I told her flowers because I am decorating the nursery in a garden theme. At the shower they provided me with a "mother to be" sash and my MIL a "granny to be" sash to wear. I noticed that the theme of the shower was circus animals. The cake had an elephant and balloons on it, and the cookies w
    via u/Awkward_Nerve6154
  • 05
    Every present was some sort of circus animal. Onesies, blankets, toys - nothing on my registry. I was a little confused and even went so far to check my registry to make sure I hadn't goofed up and changed everything. I thanked everyone for their gifts and tried to sound as gracious as possible, but I was so confused. My husband, who is a little less tactful than I am, showed up at the end of the shower and noticed the theme right away. He goes "what's up with all the circus animals?" He looks a
    via u/Awkward_Nerve6154
  • 06
    She smiled and said, "I didn't like the theme you chose for my baby. I'm going to decorate my baby's nursery at my house with circus animals, so I created a registry for myself." My husband said, "YOU DID WHAT?" She says, "My baby is going to need a room at my house so I threw a shower for myself." I lost my composure and told her that she would not see MY baby and to stop calling the baby hers, and my husband told his mom that she's delusional if she thinks we're going to allow this. She starte
    via u/Awkward_Nerve6154
  • 07
    We've been getting texts from his family since the shower, calling us selfish and ungrateful and saying we ruined her joy of being a grandma. Are we the AH?
    via u/Awkward_Nerve6154
  • 08

    Commenters told the OP in no uncertain terms that the situation was outrageous

    Wonderful-Set6647 NTA make sure if she has keys to your home locks are changed. Make sure you invest in security cameras. Let the hospital know your mil is to be no where near your baby. Let them no you and your husband are the only two that fill out any paper works. Honestly no contact from the start that away she has no grandparents visitation case. Document every creepy thing she does.
    via u/Wonderful-Set6647
  • 09
    Call your dr and tell your pediatrician at the time to pass word protect your medical information. Your mil is unhinged and this has hands that rock the cradle vibes.
    via u/Wonderful-Set6647
  • 10
    flyingpinkjellyfish Ah, you have one of those MILs. I'm so sorry. You don't need or deserve this I'm glad your husband is handling this because it's so much worse when you're on your own. My husband got his mom to stop with the "my baby" by repeatedly answering all of her statements as himself. "Im doing great mom, thanks for your concern". "I'm not sure when you'll get to see me next, I'm pretty busy with my newborn". And on and on. It took about three weeks but
    via u/Aflyingpinkjellyfish
  • 11
    she finally gave up and started correctly referring to her grandchild. Plus a few discussions about how if she wants a solid relationship with her grandchildren, she needs to remember her role as a grandparent. We both grew up very close to our grandparents and fully support our kids having the same, but only if the relationship is actually benefitting our kids. And stressed out parents don't
    via u/flyingpinkjellyfish
  • 12
    benefit our kids. They're adorable and charming, we can find other people who'd love to fulfill a grandparent role in their lives if our parents can't manage to be a healthy influence.
    via u/flyingpinkjellyfish
  • 13
    StacyB125 What the actual ..... is with grandmothers on Reddit trying to either steal babies or steal their own sons away from their spouses!?! It's so freaking creepy and absolutely insane. NTA. This woman is not in a healthy enough headspace to be anywhere near your child. I'd be afraid for the baby's safety.
    via u/StacyB125
  • 14
    YouthNAsia63 OMG, why did she even invite you to her circus themed, (appropriate, I roll my eyes)), baby shower, since it was for her and her friends for her "baby". She could have just quietly had a party for her and all her little buddies, and they could have filled up the babies room at grandma's house, without even involving you. NTA for being weirded out over this whole thing.
    via u/YouthNAsia6
  • 15
    Emotional_Bonus_934 NTA. Her circus has plenty of clowns
    via u/Emotional_Bonus_934
  • 16
    ConfusedAt63 Tell all the flying monkeys that your wife is actually the pregnant one and is the true mother, not your mother. Make it as public as possible to embarrass and or shame her for her boundary stomping. Maybe put it out there as a question as how would you feel if the new grandparents used "my baby" language and what people think of her throwing a shower for stuff for her house. Show her the public opinions. I stand with your wife, low contact and a strong info diet going forward. Good
    via u/ConfusedAt63
  • 17
    Awkward_Nerve6154 OP. I'm about to go to bed but wanted to post some clarifications before I do. I'm NC with my mom because she was physically and emotionally abusive to me and my brother. Our dad passed away a few years ago. I'm very close to my brother, but he lives across the country. We moved to be closer to my husband's family because he's always been very close with them and was getting homesick. We both work from
    via u/Awkward_Nerve6154
  • 18
    home, and when I got pregnant we decided no better time than the present to move. We wanted our daughter to have a family. It was especially important to me since I didn't really have that growing up. My MIL has always been a little odd but nothing compared to my own mother. My husband told me after this event that she's always been able to make things about herself, but he had no clue she'd take it to this extreme.
    via u/Awkward_Nerve6154
  • 19
    He wants to wait a few days before we defend ourselves or take any additional action. His logic is that we will respond emotionally rather than logically if we respond now, so let's just wait for it to blow over first. My FIL is very much in the picture. He and MIL are long divorced. He and his wife have been absolutely amazing. What I'd imagine excited grandparents to be.
    via u/Awkward_Nerve6154
  • 20
    My MIL kept the gifts. I still don't quite know if her friends caught on to exactly what she did, but they let her keep everything. This was a shower for her friends. The "family" shower is later. She didn't want me to invite my friends to this one, nor did she invite her family. It was all people I'd never met until that day, and my husband hadn't seen them in 20 years.
    via u/Awkward_Nerve6154

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Babies family drama aita baby mother in law mil circus baby shower weird
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