‘It’s your birthday, you pay': Family takes daughter out to dinner to celebrate her birthday, then hands her the bill to pay for everyone's food

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 29, 2024 6:00 AM EDT

Are you the type of person who gets excited for their birthdays, or have you already reached the realization that birthdays are overrated and lead to nothing but disappointment?

This might come across as bleak, but I honestly believe that birthdays create unrealistic expectations from the people who celebrate them, because they keep expecting the day to be perfect and that everyone is going to go out of their way to make them happy, and that simply never ends up happening. That being said, I did think that what the mom did to her daughter on her birthday was out of line and unnecessary. After the mom invites the daughter (OP, original poster) to go out for OP's birthday, the mom hands OP the restaurant bill fully expecting OP to pay for her own birthday celebration. Mom then got offended when OP refused and called her petty.

Scroll down to read the full story. After that, click here for a story of a new resident who complained about the free food she got from her neighbors.

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  • 01
    My mom "took us out to dinner” for my birthday then handed to bill to my husband.
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 02
    My mom asked if she could take my husband and I out for my birthday, and we accepted. She chose her favourite restaurant, and her and my step-dad met us there. When the server
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 03
    brought the bill at the end she handed it to my husband, saying it was his responsibility to be paying for his wife's birthday celebration (which included her meal and my step- dad's). My step-dad was in the washroom when this occurred.
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 04
    I should have known better than to accept her invitation but I didn't forsee this. When my husband refused for their meals to pay my mom tried to hand me the bill. She claimed she
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 05
    never specifically said she was paying... but isn't that implied when you ask to take someone out for their birthday? And to try to make the birthday person pay for your meal?
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 06
    When step-dad returned he said he was paying for his meal and my mom meals and asked the server to split the bill. We paid for our own meals and left.
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 07
    My mom says I'm being petty being annoyed with her when it "all worked out fine” and we only had to pay for our meals. I would have been fine paying for our own meals if it was clear
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 08
    from the start and what really grinds my gears is how she clearly attempted to get us to pay for her meals too! It feels like she tried to use my birthday to get a free meal at her favourite restaurant from me!
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 09
    Am I just being petty and making a big deal of nothing? My brother seems to side with her and thought I should just pay for everything to avoid the issue (he's also a very high earner and the money is
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 10
    nothing to him, where as both my household and my mom's are not nearly as well-off, average incomes. My brother typically pays for everything when out with my mom, including her groceries or
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 11
    anything she buys when they are out together). It feels like anytime we try to do anything with her, there is drama like this and it's exhausting. And it's always
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 12
    made out like I'm the one causing the issue. And then of course the times I just decline because I don't have the energy for her, she guilt trips me and complains to anyone who will listen that she hasn't seen me in 3 weeks and I'm being mean to her.
    via u/Equivalent-Twist-450
  • 13
    cswrites 1 day ago You are right in how you felt and thought. She absolutely tricked you into paying for her meal by making you think she was doing a nice thing, taking you out, which means paying for the meal herself. Trust your instincts! You're not being petty, you're 100% right in feeling like she took advantage of you.
    via u/Ecswrites
  • 14
    uttersolitude · 1 day ago Anyone who tells you to give in to "keep the peace" or "avoid the issue" is dad wrong. It's usually the golden child or a flying monkey who says this cop, a person who doesn't deal with the same treatment.
    via u/uttersolitude
  • 15
    You're not wrong to be upset, your mother was being manipulative and trying to get free from you.
    via u/uttersolitude
  • 16
    Wanderluster621 · 1 day ago • That was a very tacky move your mom tried to pull. His for you, and your brother can shut his mouth.
    via u/Wanderluster621
  • 17
    purple_1128.2 days ago I did not graduate from charm school, but I'm fairly certain what she did is incredibly . No more meals out with them.
    via u/purple_1128
  • 18
    DrHugh 2 days ago I think you've had many great comments here. I just wanted to give you a different perspective to reinforce your beliefs. In my family and my wife's family, when someone says they will take you out to
    via u/DrHugh
  • 19
    dinner, they are treating you. If someone was just implying that they are driving you there, they would be recognized as a jok. Whenever there's some special event with family or
    via u/DrHugh
  • 20
    friends a play performance, -- a birthday, some milestone activity -- and we decide we should go out to celebrate, the person being celebrated gets to choose the location. We might set a limit, like it has to be a sit-down restaurant with table service, not fast food.
    via u/DrHugh
  • 21
    But if it was someone's birthday, we'd plan to take that person where they wanted to go, and we would cover their costs entirely. The treat is part of the experience. Your mom picking her favorite restaurant, and expecting your husband to
    via u/DrHugh
  • 22
    pay for her meals, is willful drama. This was your birthday, not hers. If this is the normal experience you have when you interact with her, you should reconsider interacting with her.
    via u/DrHugh
  • 23
    sparkleplentylikegma 2 days ago She was setting you up so that she could have a reason to have drama. Some people just seem to require it.
    via u/sparkleplentylikegma
  • 24
    Special_Lychee_6847 · 2 days ago Next time she wants to take you out, say you sadly don't have the financial reserve for splurging right now. You're not overreacting.
    via u/Special_Lychee_6847
  • 25
    White Diabla 2 days ago Seems like she wanted to make your birthday about her.
    via u/WhiteDiabla

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family drama drama birthday mother wife reddit story restaurant petty husband wedding bill mother in law family food daughter Reddit money
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