New dad doesn't look at baby during birth because he was worried about his wife's pain, gets chewed out by his mother-in-law and wife: 'She started crying over how I don't love our child'

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    AITA for not prioritising my baby after his birth?
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    to back When I tell you this woman went to to deliver our child! It was apparently an 'easy' delivery, yet it was more gruesome than my worst nightmares.
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    I had read it all but was truly unprepared. So in the heat of the moment, I forgot to look at our baby. It may sound cruel, but I was fine with the nurse telling us that the baby is healthy. The woman I had promised to love & protect was crying, howling, looking like she was fighting death all because of me. My entire focus was on her & her doctor.
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    My mom asked me how the baby looked when he came out. She apparently wanted to relate back to how I looked. I said I don't know & told her why. Apparently I was in the wrong for that. She told my wife's mother, who echoes the sentiment. Apparently, I got the rare opportunity that most men in their era never did & screwed it up. One of the comments was passed in my
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    wife's earshot while we thought she was asleep. She wasn't, heard it, & started crying over how I don't love our child. That, I don't mind. She's still zonked out on hormones & pain. Luckily she quickly fell asleep & hasn't mentioned it since. I guessing (hoping) she didn't register that interaction. But yeah AITA & a whipped husband who messed it up?
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    Dense-Passion-2729. 19 hr. ago NTA my husband and I had a deal that if for any reason during the birth medical staff walk away with the baby he is 100% to go with the baby. I had an unplanned c section and they took my baby away to weigh her and he absolutely refused to go with them. I was so upset with him that was not what we agreed. He tells me she was in eye sight he could see her and that she was safe and immediately brought to me but that in that moment his concern and fear was 100% for me
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    Our baby was born healthy and well and I was cut open and semi- conscious. He said he does not apologize and would do it again he will never apologize for worrying for or protecting me. I know he approaches our baby (now toddler) with the same fierce protectiveness. It is not either/or, he has enough love to go around and I know had our baby not been 100% healthy he would have gone with her immediately as we agreed. You can love and want to protect them both OP.
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    stove1336 18 hr. ago Perfect comment. Show this to your wife. Forget anyone else, they do NOT matter and make sure they know it. NTA
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    fishfountain 17 hr. ago Please do share this with your wife. She heard you she's alert to everything right now and she'll have little energy to raise such a complex topic with the hormonal emotional and physical stuff she's dealing with. It's very easy for people to forget exactly how hard this time is and project their own whatever into your bubble.
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    You sound awesome, you are here reflecting on what you could do better that instinct will serve you and family really well. Be kind on yourself birth is truly shocking Also lots of skin time for you and bub, good way to make new mamma feel like you got her back for a good break and that you are actively connecting with little one.
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    KatinHats 16 hr. ago I wonder if mom and MIL question if their husbands would have been so utterly devoted to them in a similar situation. I've noticed firsthand that a lot of women who were raised either in more conservative areas and previous times went for marriage and family as a duty and/or hallmark of success and not because they found a genuine partner. There's a lot of disconnect between the two that usually only the latter group can see well
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    Worth noting, this is coming not from me being a parent, but never being anyone's first choice when the proverbial chips are down. Even though I choose to be alone it still stings a bit watching that kind of love happening in front of me. A lot of projection and some resentment used to happen, but therapy helped a lot
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    haleorshine 15 hr. ago I think this is a lot of it. If their husbands were in the birthing room, they're not sure that they would have been husbands who cared enough about their wives to actually fight for them and support them if they were going through something. The really horrible thing is that they're making OP's wife feel like he doesn't love his baby, but really, he was under immense pressure and he still managed to
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    correctly triage. Their baby was fine, what does it matter what the baby looked like so much as making sure he was with his wife in what sounded like a really hard time. Hopefully once she's with it, if she has any concerns about his love for the baby they can address it. And hopefully he can explain to his mother and MIL that he loves both his wife and his child, but his focus was on the person going through the life threatening experience was the one he focused on.
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    Ebluez 13 hr. ago 1981 my husband was in the delivery room with me. The only time he talked to me was to whisper, "Shut up, you're embarrassing me" when I screamed in pain. I can barely imagine what a loving, concerned husband would be like.
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    PlaysTheTriangle . 17 hr. ago Almost same! I started seizing and vomiting during the c-section. My husband was positive I was dying. I croaked "Go with the baby" and he was all wide eyed shaking his head no, and again I was like "I'll be fine, go with the baby!" He finally did, but he was definitely distracted by worrying about me. It happens, the in laws should be glad he loves her so much. I'm sure you've zoned in on the baby since ♥
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    Barleyli 18 hr. ago I don't care what anyone says, this is next level dedication to your wife. I think it is amazingly sweet. Keep it up because it will make for a great marriage. I'm sure you love your child, this situation is not a measure of how much you love your child. It's a measure of how much you love your wife.
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    Specialist-Ad1808 · 18 hr. ago Yep, a lot of mothers myself included would feel so lucky if our significant other chose to do this. You clearly adore her and just wanted her to be ok
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    AgnarCrackenhammer · 19 hr. ago ΝΤΑ My Dad fainted when I was born. My mom still jokes with him about it, but it didn't stop him from being a great Dad for the past 33 years. Everyone reacts in that moment differently. The thing that's important is you were present and making sure everyone involved is ok. No idea why you're getting so much for this
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    KarizmaWithak - 17 hr. ago My husband fainted when our 2nd child was born. He made the mistake of peeking around the drape during my C-section and hit the floor like a sack of potatoes. I told the surgical team "don't worry, he's fine." I was more worried about my baby, who was too quiet when they pulled her out. She wasn't breathing at first. Both father and daughter turned out fine.
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    Irrelevant Manatee. 19 hr. ago NTA. Childbirth is a hard process, and I don't blame you, as a spectator, for feeling overwhelmed, powerless, and not thinking clearly. Your focus was on your wife. You clearly love her dearly and felt bad for the pain she was experiencing. You will have all your life to look at your baby. Congrats!

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