Mother of Bride 45 minutes late to wedding and misses ceremony, blames bride for not waiting for her: 'They had time to stop at a bakery??'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Aug 31, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

Weddings may be a celebration of the union of two people, but they're first and foremost an administrative marathon and a crash course in event planning—let's get that straight. The one thing you don't realize when you say "yes" is that you're not just saying "yes" to a ring; you're saying "Yes, I'd love to become a de facto event planner for the next year of my life as a second job." There's a lot going on and a ton to manage, and the entire time leading up to the big day is spent trying to ensure that things will run smoothly on the day itself and be pleasant enough for guests to remember the occasion fondly. 

Of course, when it comes to the actual day, like any event, things aren't going to go exactly to plan, but at that point, you'll have so much else going on, and it's going to be such a whirlwind that it will take the support of your friends and family to sort those matters out. Unless your closest family members are the thing that isn't going to plan and decide to leave to go back to the hotel dangerously close to the ceremony's scheduled start time—making time to stop at a bakery along the way—in which case, there's not really going to be anyone taking care of them, and that's really their own fault.

But, people generally aren't good at accepting fault for their own mistakes and tend to deflect blame as a coping mechanism rather than letting the truth sink in. Our parents aren't immune to this, and this mother had trouble accepting that it was her own fault for missing her daughter's wedding ceremony, and instead of apologizing for her behavior, she turned to blame instead.

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    AITA for starting my wedding ceremony before my mom showed up? The day of the wedding started out as they normally do, I (bride) was inside getting ready and final touches were being made outside. After I was almost ready by noon, my mom had to run back to the hotel 20 minutes away to change and come back with my grandma and family friend.
    via u/HunterQueen23
  • 03
    The invitation says ceremony at 2, as per usual we were a little late starting but nothing crazy. Next thing I know I'm walking myself down the aisle with no mom, grandma, or family friend in sight. The ceremony continues and it's over before we know it.
    via u/HunterQueen23
  • 04
    Still nothing, after 45 minutes finally they pull up. Then I proceed to go and tell them it's over and that they missed it and that 2 meant 2. My mother immediately became hostile and proceeded to blame the bakery for not having buns ready, then said they were stopped by a train and my personal favourite was "It's your fault you didn't call or text to see where we are". EXCUSE ME!! Again the invitation said 2.
    via u/HunterQueen23
  • 05
    Also note the officiant also had another wedding to get to after mine so it was a tight schedule. So am I the for not holding up my ceremony. Side note I found out the real reason why they were late, she wasn't done getting herself ready therefore holding up everyone. But she is mad at me because it's my fault.
    via u/HunterQueen23
  • 06
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a I started my e: wedding ceremony without my mom being there. She drove 20 hours to be there, I could've texted her
    via u/HunterQueen23
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    sapient-meerkat • 12 hr. ago Definitely NTA. If she could receive a text, she could send a text. It's not up to the bride or groom to keep track of family on their wedding day. That said, it is curious that no one -- no other family members, no other member of the wedding party, no wedding planner, etc. made an attempt to find out where the mother of the bride was when she didn't show up. Was it a tiny ceremony?
    via u/HunterQueen23
  • 08
    owls_and_cardinals 12 hr. ago NTA. You started your wedding on time. IDK what poor planning involved her leaving and coming back but she didn't make it, and her reaction doesn't sound like she even really intended to. I do not see why you should have to delay the start of your wedding for ANYONE. Sounds like an important lesson she needed to learn.
    via u/HunterQueen23
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    louisianacat1 12 hr. ago • NTA - they had time to stop at a bakery?? They had no intention of being on time, they expected their presence meant more to you than it did and are mad to see that they aren't as important in real life as their own mind.
    via u/HunterQueen23
  • 10
    Gizmodevilcat 11 hr. ago. NTA and it seems that your mom is a bit of a diva and wanted to make a grand ( look at ME!) late entrance. You did right by your Pastor, your guests, and anyone else involved with your ceremony. Go low contact for a bit under she musters up enough humanity to see she was wrong.
    via u/HunterQueen23
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    hubertburnette 12 hr. ago. NTA.. From your reaction, I infer she does this a lot? One option you have is to make this a running joke in front of her. "Okay, mom, dinner reservations are for 7--let's not make this like my wedding!" Every time she tries to deflect blame, just say, "Sure Mom," and laugh.
    via u/HunterQueen23
  • 12
    I don't know what is going on with the people who are trying to find some way to make you at fault for not holding up your wedding, trying to call her or whatever. It was your wedding day, she's old enough to know how to tell time, and she was just assuming that the world would stop so she could get her hair right. She's a raging AH.
    via u/HunterQueen23
  • 13
    buttpickles99 12 hr. ago NTA getting married is incredibly stressful, with everyone's eyes on you and making a big step in your life. I remember on my wedding day being ushered around because there were so many people to greet and so many things to do between getting ready, pictures, the actual ceremony.
    via u/HunterQueen23
  • 14
    The last thing a bride should have to worry about is the guests in attendance. I would be devastated if my mom and grandma missed the wedding they knew what time it started. The entitlement to think you would hold up the ceremony to wait for them is outrageous. Honestly, I would go no contact with my mom after this. Not an overreaction, she missed one of the most important moments in your life and you should be the one angry at her, not the other way around.
    via u/HunterQueen23
  • 15
    RoyallyOakie 12 hr. ago NTA...Her lack of planning caused her to miss her own daughter's wedding. There's a moment nobody will forget for a long time.
    via u/HunterQueen23
  • 16
    takesonetoknowonefam 12 hr. ago NTA. She's got some nerve blaming you for her being late. I mean...what? That's not how it works. And yes, venues do have several weddings in one day at times. They may cancel your wedding if you take too long to start, I wouldn't have taken that chance either.
    via u/HunterQueen23

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family drama aita entitled parents reddit story wedding etiquette family grandparents reddit thread weddings parents
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