Woman's Entitled In-Laws Expect Her to Sew and Bake for Free, She Sets Boundaries and Refuses: "Learn to do it youself!'

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 15, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome, tea-loving ladies. Doing favors for your family members can be quite rewarding. Lending money, property, labor, skills, and time to relatives in need can lead to stronger bonds and an assurance that they will help you if you ever find yourself in a sticky spot. With family and friends, it is reasonable to be a bit more lenient when it comes to being reimbursed. However, if you do too many favors for free and do not set any boundaries, you may find that even those closest to you will begin taking advantage of your kindness. 

In our story today, a talented woman with baking and sewing skills gets treated like the neighborhood seamstress and pastry chef - worse, actually, because she never got paid - by her in-laws. After months of getting vintage clothes dumped on her lap by her sister-in-law and cake ingredients shoved in her hands by her mother-in-law in order to bake sweets for her every work potluck, our protagonist finally put her foot down. Get the full details of the story down below. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheA u/Maleficent Reason132 1d AITA for insisting my inlaws hang out with me if they want me to do favors for them
    via u/Maleficent_Reason132
  • 02
    My mother taught me how to sew and bake at an early age. Consequently i would say I'm pretty good at both. Since i got married, my inlaws have occasionally asked me to hem dresses for them, and to bake cookies or cupcakes for random events. I didn't mind because i would take it as a compliment that they would want me to do this for them.
    via u/Maleficent_Reason132
  • 03
    However, recently my sister in law has taken up thrifting, so she has been dropping off about three items a week for me to alter. And my mother in law started a new job about 4 months ago, and she has asked me to bake for her monthly work potlucks.
    via u/Maleficent_Reason132
  • 04
    I have never charged them, but my sil will bring me Starbucks and my mil will bring me the ingredients for whatever i am baking. The truth is that i am now feeling resentful about being expected to do things for them, when they could just learn how to do this themselves. I have offered to teach them, but they always say that they don't need to learn since they like the way i do things.
    via u/Maleficent_Reason132
  • 05
    This month i told them that i could still help them with each project but they have to stay and hang out with me while i do them. This way they can watch and learn so they can eventually do it on their own. I told my mil what day and time to be at my home so we can bake the cupcakes together. She said she might not be able to. So i said "if you dont come hang out then you'll have to stop by a bakery and buy them instead".
    via u/Maleficent_Reason132
  • 06
    Two weeks ago my sil dropped off 2 dresses for me to alter the hem, and i told her that I'll get to them whenever she can come over and watch how i do it. She said she would let me know, but hasn't yet. She didn't look too happy with this. We all get along and i know they like me, and I know that it's not that they dont want to hang out with me, its just that they don't want to learn. I think they just want me to keep doing it for them.
    via u/Maleficent_Reason132
  • 07
    After i told my husband about all this, he implied that i was mean for changing how i do things. And that if I dont want to do these projects for them, then just say so. I think it's only fair. Im sure my for my new inlaws also think that im the expectations. So AITA? 2,023 | ✓ 160 ۵ 2,1
    via u/Maleficent_Reason132
  • 08
    Backinactionfinally ⚫ 1d NTA. For starters "changing how you do things" is necessary for growth, and your in-laws refuse to grow despite your generous offers to teach. Secondly, your husband needs to have your back, especially when it comes to doing endless favors for his family. I think you should tell him that and hopefully he can help broker an arrangement that everyone is satisfied with. ← Reply ✩ 407
    via u/Backinactionfinally
  • 09
    thingmom 16h Husband can start baking and sewing for his family if he has a problem with the boundaries:) ☆✩ 94
    via u/thingmom
  • 10
    friskpoints 1d • Partassipant [2] NTA.. You're not being mean, you're setting healthy boundaries. Your in-laws have been taking advantage of your skills without realizing it. You've been super generous with your time, and now you're just asking for some company while you work. That's totally fair. Your offer to teach them is more than reasonable. If they don't want to learn or hang out, they can find other options. You're not their personal tailor or baker.
    via u/friskpoints
  • 11
    Your husband's wrong to call you mean. You're not refusing outright - you're just changing the terms a bit. That's okay. It's fine to value your time and effort. Stick to your guns on this one. If they really appreciate your work, they should be cool with your new setup or find alternatives. Don't let them make you feel bad for setting boundaries. Reply 2.4k
    via u/friskpoints
  • 12
    Construction No9678 • 1d I agree, OP has been way to generous and now it's time to course correct. The fact that they aren't even willing to come over and sit with OP while she does things for them says a lot. Some Starbucks or bringing over the raw ingredients (without anything else from MIL?) does not account for the time and energy she puts into doing these things.
    via u/ConstructionNo9678
  • 13
    OP is being more than fair by not just listing the prices for any future work from her and telling her in-laws to pony up or get out. It's also much kinder than the husband's suggestion of just refusing to do any more projects for them. How is that less mean than teaching them valuable life skills? Especially for SIL; if she's going to be needing a lot of alterations done after thrifting then it's much more efficient to be able to do it yourself.
    via u/ConstructionNo9678
  • 14
    Then again, I don't ask people for stuff like this. I either commit to bringing something I can cook to a potluck, or go to the store. It's my responsibility to bring whatever I took on, not my family member's. 199
    via u/ConstructionNo9678
  • 15
    Objective_Silver_173 .7h Even if they don't learn how to do it themselves they can find out just how long it takes to do, and that they should be grateful she's spending so much time on this and not abuse the favors she's doing bc it's going to cost their personal time no matter what. ... 63
    via u/Objective_Silver_173
  • 16
    pineboxwaiting ⚫ 1d Craptain [191] NTA They have no desire to learn anything, but they DO need to understand how much time you're spending doing favors for them. I think it's totally fair that you ask them to hang out when you cook and sew. That way, they're treating you like a friend instead of unpaid labor. Reply 311
    via u/pineboxwaiting
  • 17
    Snackinpenguin • 1d Aficionado [14] To them, you provide a service on demand because, familyyyyyy. You don't mind offering the occasional service, but this is now a regular occurrence that they hit you up for. With the increased frequency of asks, it makes sense that they start to learn. They're not willing to invest in that. But this isn't working for you any longer.
    via u/Snackinpenguin
  • 18
    You can tell your husband this: No one told you that when marrying him you were also signing onto tailoring x/month and baking x/month, and also on demand. He is welcome to step up. Love these boundaries. Keep them up! Reply 168
    via u/Snackinpenguin
  • 19
    cressidacole • 1d "Taken up thrifting"? Does this mean you're doing free alterations/repairs on clothes she wears, or clothes she is reselling? It's not just that they don't want to learn. They are using you as free labour, and have no intention of staying while you work. They value their time far more than yours. Reply 85 ↓
    via u/cressidacole
  • 20
    Responsible_Unit693 • 20h NTA. You're not a sewing and baking vending machine. If your in-laws want your skills, they need to earn them by hanging out and learning. Otherwise, it's bakery time for them. Your new rule is a win-win, they get to learn, and you get some company. If they don't want to learn, they can enjoy their store-bought goodies! Reply 31
    via u/Responsible_Unit693
  • 21
    anillop • 1d Classic weaponized incompetence. Oh I cant do that so you have to do it for me because I am so bad at it. ← Reply 103
    via u/anillop
  • 22
    Liu1845. 1d "You don't like hanging around while I do things for you? Maybe I don't like being treated like someone's personal pastry chef and seamstress, you know, the free "hired" help." ← Reply 20 ♡
    via u/Liu1845
  • 23
    Perfect Flow3165. 1d NTA but I don't think you're going about things in a productive way. If they wanted to learn they would have asked, and they're adults, you can't change this about them. You were happy doing occasional favours but you're right you shouldn't be expected to do regular free labour for them just to save them money. Do they do an equivalent amount of free labour/cost saving for you in a different area? When you set boundaries it needs to be on what you do, not what they do. You d
    via u/PerfectFlow3165
  • 24
    dirtyphoenix54 • 1d Your husband is right. Just say no. They are taking advantage. ← Reply û 20 ♡
    via u/dirtyphoenix54

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