Runner freaks out when friend decides to run a marathon with her, cuts the course to make sure she finishes first: 'I don't feel like running a race should be something that belongs to one person'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 5, 2024 6:00 PM EST

If you've ever been close to somebody who loves long-distance running or it is something that you love yourself, you will know it's a pastime that people can get pretty intense about. It makes sense; it takes real dedication and practice to be able to maintain a steady pace over many miles. It's also no surprise that it can become competitive. It is a form of sport, after all. 

However, most runners still expect to share a sense of camaraderie, especially if it's something that they do with friends. This was exactly the opposite of what one woman did when her friend proposed that they wanted to run a marathon with her following an injury that meant they couldn't spend time on their favorite hobby, climbing. This led to her saying and doing a series of highly unreasonable things that the internet was baffled by. What do you mean, you don't want to spend time with a loved one doing something that you enjoy?

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10424210944
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for signing up for a marathon last minute when my friend wants running to be "her thing"
    via Kiwi-Foreign
  • 03
    I (38) recently signed up for a marathon a week before the race, after finding out I would need rotator cuff surgery. I haven't been able to climb, which is my first love, but have always enjoyed running casually. I've done a few races before, one marathon (without training) so I felt like I could probably do it again, and it's something that keeps me motivated and gives me a sense of accomplishment, especially as I'm preparing for an upcoming surgery.
    via Kiwi-Foreign
  • 04
    My friend was planning to run the marathon but hadn't trained until the week of. I figured we could both run really slowly together. The whole week I was trying to find a bib, I told her that I was planning to sign up too. She was fine with that until I told her I finally found a bib, she got really upset. I had posted on Facebook saying I was going to run it last minute and she FREAKED OUT. She told me that running this marathon was "her thing" and feels like I'm trying to take over something t
    via Kiwi-Foreign
  • 05
    At the run itself, I lost her at the first mile. I texted her like 5 times, called her 3 times. She ignored them all. She called me two house later and she's 3 miles behind me and tells me to stop and wait for her. At this point I had decided to run the marathon for myself and I'd see her at the end so I said no. Which she insists is a sign that I am a selfish and unsupportive friend.
    via Kiwi-Foreign
  • 06
    She was so mad that I was ahead of her that she quit at mile 16 and cut the course the finish with a better time than me. Which I mean, is fine. I finished in 6:15 and was proud of myself in the end. She is insistent that running is "her thing" and says I'm not allowed to engage in it, which feels literally insane to me.
    via Kiwi-Foreign
  • 07
    She was originally going to help me with post-surgery stuff, but now she's decided not to, saying she feels "betrayed" by me doing the marathon. I don't feel like running a race should be something that "belongs" to one person, especially since it's something I love, too. But maybe I missed something in how I approached it. AITA for signing up for a marathon even though my friend feels like I'm stepping on her turf?
    via Kiwi-Foreign
  • 08
    Maezymable NTA. This is absolutely bizarre. A true enthusiast of any sport wants everyone to join in.. she's an insecure a hole.
    via Maezymable
  • 09
    Kiwi-Foreign OP Exactly, she's like I can't even do that to you with climbing because I don't have health insurance. I'm like I would LOVE for you to get into climbing. Her world view seems warped.
    via Kiwi-Foreign
  • 10
    Maezymable Yeah like I'm a power lifter and when my friends want to train with me I literally get emotional lol This chick needs therapy and a hug. I'd just leave her on read and move on- this is a "her" thing.
    via Maezymable
  • 11
    Missinformation11 NTA Feels like some deep resentment and jealousy. Does not sound like she's your friend
    via Missinformation11
  • 12
    NoHandBananaNo Yep very warped. Honestly I came in here expecting you to be a couple of 17 year olds. I was all ready to explain how sometimes when they are trying to figure out who they are and have a fragile sense of identity, teens try to gatekeep basic aspects of life, and that as she becomes an adult she will see how silly that is.
    via NoHandBananaNo
  • 13
    But that ship sailed like 20 years ago lol. Not really sure what you can do when someone is about to be middle aged and still acting like something from Mean Girls. Just be compassionate but set firm boundaries I guess.
    via NoHandBananaNo
  • 14
    GraceOfTheNorth She is not a real friend. She is unable to feel joy for others, her focus is constantly on herself, her own needs and her own shine. She is a frenemy and is working against you to your face and behind your back.
    via GraceOfTheNorth
  • 15
    Pierre-Luc Dubois I'm always eager for friends and family to get into similar hobbies as me and it's always felt mutual. If she was totally normal for years until now I'd question if she's having a mental health crisis. It doesn't excuse her behaviour but it does sound like maybe she needs a friend. It's hard without knowing her to really know.
    via Pierre-LucDubois
  • 16
    NamelessBard While she's obviously very wrong for how she acted, it makes me think there was something else there. Have you always been better at everything than her? And you often did lots of things together? It could be that she finally found something that she was okay at where you weren't going to overshadow her, but you "swooped in" at the last minute to take the one thing she was doing that you weren't. Not that she's right for reacting this way at all, but it would make more sense than he
    via NamelessBard
  • 17
    atterysquash The fact that a) she was worried about your socials being more popular than hers and b) quit early so she'd have a 'better' time than you tells you everything you need to know about what she's getting out of running: validation and applause from others. You have two options: lean into that - make a big flowery socials post about how proud you are of your friend for her achievement, blah blah blah, and don't even mention your own time - or just take this as a clear sign your friend h
    via atterysquash
  • 18
    jmking She doesn't want to actually run. She wants to post about it on social media and have people praise her and so on. OP joining her means she can't fake it now because others will know. That undermines the satisfaction she would get lying about it. In the end she STILL cut the course to get a better time - she never had any intention of actually running the marathon. This I was all for social media.
    via jmking
  • 19
    Pierre-LucDubois It sounds like she cares an awful lot about what other people think to the point of narcissism, and I know the term is overused on here but this lady makes everything about her from the sounds of it. Getting not mad that she races but mad about her posting about it? To me means you were already mad but that was the final straw that made you snap. I'd genuinely want to know if she is OK, absolutely bizarre is right.
    via Pierre-LucDubois
  • 20
    StAlvis ΝΤΑ feels like I'm trying to take over something that's special to her. Hobbies aren't a zero-sum game. Your personal enjoyment does not take away enjoyment from someone else.
    via StAlvis
  • 21
    Kiwi-Foreign OP Exactly, this is what I don't understand. Why does she feel like me also running it takes anything away from her doing it? So weird.
    via Kiwi-Foreign
  • 22
    sweadle She does it for attention, and she feels like you doing it too splits the attention.
    via sweadle
  • 23
    Glittering_Search_41 NTA. ? She thinks she owns running? Also, it sounds like it's not the running she wants per se, but the likes and comments on her FB post.
    via Glittering_Search_41
  • 24
    blacksheepsclothes Totally this. And now she's embarrassed because she quit and now can't brag about it while OP has the perceived glory. What a solid friend, withdrawing her help after your surgery all because she bruised her own ego. Just like in the marathon, leave her 'friendship' behind. NTA.
    via blacksheepsclothes
  • 25
    Somewhere_in_Canada1 NTA and why are you friends with someone like this?
    via Somewhere_in_Canada1
  • 26
    Kiwi-Foreign OP We've been friends for 34 years.
    via Kiwi-Foreign
  • 27
    Somewhere_in_Canada1 Is this the first time she's tried to gatekeep an activity or control what you're allowed to do?
    via Somewhere_in_Canada1
  • 28
    Kiwi-Foreign OP No she is actually insane. She try's to control everything. I've stayed friends with her because of how long we've known each other, but I think this is it.
    via Kiwi-Foreign
  • 29
    Somewhere_in_Canada1 I'm a bit older and I've learned that the sunk cost fallacy with friends who don't respect me is hard to overcome. Do what's best for you and be proud of your accomplishment a marathon no small feat.
    via Somewhere_in_Canada1

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