'He crossed a line': 30-year-old boyfriend answers call from 28-year-old girlfriend's boss and tells him that she's "too busy relaxing to talk"

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 14, 2024 12:00 PM EST

It's hard to imagine intervening in your spouse's workplace drama, even to vouch for them, but especially to side against them. There are certain lines that should not be crossed when it comes to your professional and personal lives. Muddying the waters between the two is never a good idea. This is doubly—no, triply true when it comes to your spouse's workplace, outside of being an agreeable plus one at workplace holiday parties and functions, you should never have anything to do with their workplace. You hold little to no importance when it comes to your spouse's professional workplace… It's almost like you just don't exist when it comes to their working life, except as a means of private support.  

This boyfriend inexplicably answered his girlfriend's phone when her boss was calling to harass her late at night after hours, and then proceeded to tell her boss that she was "Too busy relaxing to talk" in some bizarre alpha bro move. His behavior was condemned online when his girlfriend shared the experience with this online community.

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    Ca
    via Gage Walker

    Image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Image is for illustration only and subjects are models.

  • 02
    AITA for telling my boyfriend he crossed a line with my work-life balance? I (28F) work long, intense hours at a high-pressure job, and my boyfriend (30M) knows this. Recently, I finally set boundaries to stop taking work calls after 7 pm. This has helped me unwind and prioritize our time together,
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  • 03
    which he initially seemed to support. Last night, my boss called around 8:30 pm, but I ignored it. My boyfriend asked why I didn't pick up, and I explained I didn't want work intruding on my evening. To my shock, he picked up my phone and answered the call himself,
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    saying I was "too busy relaxing to talk." I was mortified! My boss sounded annoyed, and I had to spend 30 minutes on the call, only because he made it sound like I was slacking off. Afterward, I was furious and told him it wasn't his place to interfere with my work like that. He thinks I'm overreacting and "shouldn't be ashamed" of setting boundaries. AITA?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a h le: I might be the a hle because I snapped at my boyfriend for answering my work call, which led to an awkward situation with my boss. I could see how he thought he was helping me enforce my boundaries, but instead of calmly explaining why his actions were overstepping, I got angry with him, which may have made him feel dismissed.
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    Histo... Wow, this is really inappropriate. He just undermined you and damaged your relationship with your boss. To me it's creepy that he even answers your phone at all unless there was an emergency, much less when he knows it's your boss calling.
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    NTA. Edit for all the men "unable" to understand: yes, prior to cell phones we all answered landlines for each other. The very obvious difference is that those were almost always communal lines. Cell phones are not communal property in most cases, and unless you and your partner have
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    agreed that you would like one another to answer each other's phones, doing this can often be considered intrusive for both the person whose phone you answered and the caller who was not expecting to interact with you. If you are doing this in any way to screen your partner's calls or gain access to information you wouldn't otherwise have, then you are engaging in ab ive behavior.
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    Examine your motives carefully. Additional edit: yes, if you are a woman engaging in this behavior it is still ab ive. I don't know why this requires further explanation but here we are. I am specifically addressing the people in the comments, who all appeared to identify as male at the time I made the original edit.
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    This is directed at those specific men and is not a generalized statement about men as a category. Sigh. As someone who has experienced abive dynamics like this from a man, and who is addressing a specific situation involving a man, and comments about that situation made by men I stand by my choice of pronouns in this instance.
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    PhilosophicalHorror • 1d ago • NTA If you continue with him, tell him you're setting a boundary, and he needs to prove he is able to respect boundaries. Pretty hypocritical to try to support your boundaries while breaking them so openly.
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    Additional Wall4468 what the f tell him it's never ' okay for him to handle your personal life without your input. NTA
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    Maximum_Law801 So, your boyfriend wants you to spend more time with him, or what? He apparently wants you to loose your job at least.
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    Intelligent-Entry792 NTA. I'd break up with him, he sounds like he wants to get you fired. "Too busy relaxing to talk' II
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    Ragnarok_Infinite NTA. Holy sh, f that guy (and not in the fun way). He crossed multiple lines.
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    indred72 NTA - your boyfriend isn't helping. You don't need him to defend you because you set the boundary. He shouldn't have said anything and it's very ride of him to assume he has any place to speak for you in your professional life.
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    Arrrr... Is he trying to sabotage you? I cannot imagine an average adult with typical cognitive abilities would think this this is acceptable or helpful behavior. There is actually no universe where he truly thinks he was helping you enforce your boundaries like omg. ETA: NTA.
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    MaleficentProgram9... You already set a boundary by not answering your phone. Your BF was way out of line and please don't let him gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting. That was way inappropriate and undermined you to your boss.
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    The_Balmy_Bee What the actual f read. Girl, go. did I just
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    applebum8807 NTA, what he did was so innapropriate
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