28-year-old man warns maternal relatives 'that they can be uninvited from my wedding at any time' after they try to invite his mom

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Dec 30, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Weddings tend to bring out the dramatic side of families, as this soon-to-be-married man can tell you. He's dealing with some complicated family issues while preparing for his big day in about a year. 

A lot of people question whether they're doing the right thing or not by picking and choosing who to invite to their wedding day. For many people, it's a cherished occasion that (hopefully) only happens once in a lifetime. People fret over who to invite: Friends? Coworkers? Acquaintances? Distant relatives? Should random plus-ones be allowed? It's quite the dilemma. Folks often pop onto Reddit seeking advice, but at the end of the day, it's a very personal decision that has to come from the person getting married. 

For this man, some sensitive family issues have reemerged after he extended an olive branch to his maternal side of the family. After years of not speaking, he chose to invite some of his maternal relatives to his wedding. What a kind thing to do, and a nuanced way of approaching a difficult decision. Now, those relatives are now trying to boss this person around! 

Up next,  read about the mom who's forcing her daughter to choose between her and her BF over the holidays. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10447864320
    via Samantha Gades on Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for issuing a warning to my maternal relatives that they can be uninvited from my wedding at any time?
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 03
    I'm (28M) getting married next year. I am 100% no contact with my mother and have been for the past 10 years and I have not lived in her house in 12 years (yes, at 16 I was living somewhere other than with her). That no contact is not changing for anything and yes, she has attempted to reach out and make amends in that
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 04
    time but I am not interested and have continued to keep all points of contact between us closed. This includes the family on her side I do talk to (mainly her parents, two of her siblings and her two siblings five kids aka my cousins). I talk to them because they were there for me.
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 05
    The reason for the estrangement? I don't like who she became after my dad di d. I was 8 when he passed and 9 when my mom suddenly announced that all photos of dad, all of his clothes and possessions and anything to do with him were being boxed up and sent to his parents because she wanted us
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 06
    to move on from dad and she wanted to be married again and she didn't want her new husband to be uncomfortable seeing her de d husband's face everywhere and she wanted me to like and love whoever she married and didn't want me to cling to a de d man who was not coming back
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 07
    and was no longer part of our lives. She refused to let me have a photo or two for my room and told me she would not fight with me and had already fought with his parents because they were outraged she wanted to throw all of his stuff and photos in the trash. From that day on my mom
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 08
    was cold toward me if I even attempted to bring up my dad. She did remarry, she had three (possibly more after I left) more kids. She married a man who was bitter that I wouldn't call him dad and refused to change my last name to his and accept him
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 09
    adopting me. My mother was furious with me for stopping the adoption. They had spent thousands on a lawyer who they felt would be able to push it through regardless of my feelings..
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 10
    When I moved out at 16 I spent two weeks with maternal grandparents before going to my paternal grandparents and the relatives I mentioned above continued being supporting and understanding even after I left the state.
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 11
    But now that has changed. They brought up inviting my mother and her family to my wedding several times and I told them nothing had changed for me. They would try to make persuasive arguments as to why I should invite her and let her be there for this day. I got a little
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 12
    firmer with them and then they changed course and said that I should invite her other children with them, so we can have a relationship. I refused that too. Then they brought up how important it is to invite my mother. Which is when I told them if they bring it up again or try anything to get her there, they can be uninvited. I told them I would make them leave on the day if I had to.
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 13
    They told me there was no reason to be so harsh toward them. AITA?
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 14
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ah le: I warned my maternal relatives that they can be uninvited from my wedding at any time and need to stop
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 15
    pestering me to invite my mother if they don't want that to happen. I warned them that the next time they bring it up I would do it. This might be overly harsh because until this wedding they have supported me and didn't push things.
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 16
    So maybe I could have found a less extreme way to go about this.
    via u/Dense-Ad6249
  • 17
    Sad_Consequ... NTA - I personally would have done the same...if they are not capable of respecting your boundaries, you cut them off. People need to stop with the "but it's family" BS. Some DNA in common makes you bl d related but not family! One needs to behave like family to be considered as such!
    via u/Sad_Consequence392

    Many commenters felt for the original poster, and told him he hadn't done anything wrong. His family should really be more grateful about being invited in the first place! He was extending an olive branch, but the family members had to push it. 

  • 18
    They told me there was no reason to be so harsh toward them. Oh no, there are milion reasons to be harsh with them, since they don't (don't want to) understand when you're polite. Many
    via u/ 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
  • 19
    interpret kindness as a sign of giving in, so better to make the situation clear. However, have you considered that by inviting your maternal relatives, some of your wedding photos will end up to your mother and half-siblings? Because the relatives will surely take photos and then, having a relationship with your mother, they will share them.
    via u/ 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
  • 20
    You have to consider whether this is okay for you or whether it bothers you... idk, maybe you don't want your mother to see your girlfriend so she can contact her to try to get to you. Have you thought about it? NTA
    via u/ 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
  • 21
    yago1980 NTA - your wedding, your party, your rules. Sorry, you had to go through all that.
    via u/yago1980
  • 22
    Normal-Heigh... NTA. You tried to be polite, and their response was to refuse to accept the answer and try harassing you into changing your mind. Harassment means the gloves come off, and if they don't like harshness, well, they shouldn't have started the fight. They are the r de ones, not you.
    via u/ Normal-Height-8577
  • 23
    okay NowThro... NTA Relatives can be like this. They say "there was no need to be so harsh with me," but really they mean "if you're actually that firm in your position, I won't get my way, and that makes me mad!"
    via u/okayNowThrowItAway
  • 24
    You absolutely needed to be that harsh or they would - not have listened to you. It sounds like they still do not intend to listen to you. In general, don't threaten. Either do the thing or don't. Threats are always empty. Actions are their own threat.
    via u/okayNowThrowItAway

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family drama aita marriage groom mother ceremony wedding ceremony family feud wedding family grandparents weddings son Father
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