Parent refuses to take 10 and 13-year-old kids to grandparent's house instead of a Taylor Swift concert: 'They can't see their grandson unless they call to make an appointment'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jan 17, 2025 11:00 AM EST

Visiting with relatives you barely know can become super awkward. I'm sure you know the feeling: you'll be hanging out at a family party, and a random relative will approach you with a beaming smile. Before you can even get a word out, your great-aunt is telling you that she hasn't seen you since you were a baby, and that she gave you a bottle when you were an infant. However, now that you're a grown adult, this relative still assumes they know you well. You might have a chat with them and see if you have anything in common, but it's awkward to have to force a conversation just because you're family members. 

If you don't keep in contact with family members, it makes things a bit less special when you finally do get in contact with them. Plenty of people are happy to be in your life, whether they're actually relatives or just wonderful friends. 

It's no wonder this person's 10 and 13-year-old kids weren't especially interested in hanging out with the grandparents they hardly know. Plus, they were heading to an Eras tour concert, and choosing to visit Grandma and Grandpa instead just isn't what most kids would choose in this situation. Not to mention that the concert comes around once in a lifetime. Grandma and Grandpa had plenty of opportunity to mend fences, but they haven't exactly done that, either. 

Up next, read about this brand new hire who was mortified by their big mistake during a Teams meeting video call: "I let out a loud, audible sigh."

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    Cheezburger Image 10455439616
    via Christian Bowen on Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    "AITA for not taking my kids to see their paternal grandparents when we were in their city for unrelated reasons?"

    I am not close with my in-laws. At best, we tolerate each other fairly graciously. Long story, but the tensions probably originated around the birth of my son, 13 years ago. Nothing really happened, but their attitude toward me soured. I interpret that they were dissatisfied that the birth of our first child was not sufficiently about them. They soon made a habit of showing up unannounced at our house when my husband was at work. They
    via u/Born_Apartment_9196
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    would make negative comments and offer no help whatsoever. Zero respect for boundaries or that I was struggling as a brand new mom. It was highly disruptive and stressful living with the feeling of never knowing if company was on the way over (they would bring other people too sometimes), and I suggested that it would be better if I could know in advance when to expect them. This was poorly taken and they told the huge extended
    via u/Born_Apartment_9196
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    family that I said they can't see their grandson unless they call to make an appointment. The relationship further deteriorated, and I learned from multiple reliable sources that they later made up a completely fabricated story about me and spread it around the family. It seems like
    via u/Born_Apartment_9196
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    they needed to provide a justification for their dislike of me (since suggesting that one might call before coming over is not really that controversial), so they invented one. We now live five hours away. They see the kids (10 and 13) on average one to three times per year and have very little interaction with the kids. I was
    via u/Born_Apartment_9196
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    recently in the city where they live with my two kids to attend a massively popular event that I paid thousands of dollars for the tickets. My husband did not care to attend the event and did not accompany us. We were only there for one and a half days, attended the event, and drove home the following morning. Now my husband is upset that I did
    via u/Born_Apartment_9196
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    not take the kids to see his parents while we were there. I never represented to him that I would, but he apparently feels | should have. My position: I was there for a reason unrelated to them, for a very brief time, and didn't visit any one actually, even though several of my close friends still live there; we had just been to
    via u/Born_Apartment_9196
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    visit them one or two months prior (and, as usual, they engaged in minimal interactions with kids and were completely lukewarm toward them); they chose to arbitrarily hate me and spread lies to justify it, it was their choice to make it uncomfortable for me; I asked the kids if they wanted to see their grandparents and they said no; my husband had declined to accompany us out of distaste for
    via u/Born_Apartment_9196
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    the massively popular event (okay, it was the Eras tour), but if he cared so much about seeing his parents, he could have come along for the ride; moreover, I paid a ton for those tickets and had looked forward to it for a year, it was a huge deal to me, and I wanted the whole weekend to be positive and as low stress as possible.
    via u/Born_Apartment_9196
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    My resolution: I will continue to graciously tolerate his parents if they come to visit us, and I will graciously tolerate them if we (including my husband) go to visit them, but I will probably never take it upon myself to visit them if I happen to be in their city for reasons unrelated to them, even if the kids are with me.
    via u/Born_Apartment_9196
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    My husband thinks it's horrible that I would have the children so close and refuse to visit their grandparents, but I think I have very valid reasons, and he should understand and support my position and resolution. AITA?
    via u/Born_Apartment_9196
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    BulbasaurRanch No, NTA Your husband can force take the kids to see them on his own time if he feels that strongly about it. You have no obligation to maintain a relationship with them. It's not your
    via u/BulbasaurRanch
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    responsibility to facilitate a relationship between your grandkids and their grandparents - that's on all the other adults here, them and your husband. Respectfully, your husband is a moron.
    via u/BulbasaurRanch
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    RJack151 NTA. Tell hubby that neither he or you called and made an appointment to see them so no visit was made.
    via u/RJack151
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    Cheezburger Image 10455440896
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Numerous people blamed the husband here, saying that he should really be stepping in

    corgihuntress NTA If he wants the kids to see his parents, he can take them. They don't like you and lied about you. I wouldn't go out of my way to have anything to do with them. He sounds incredibly selfish.
    via u/corgihuntress
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    Vegoia2 They lie on you, treat you like cr p, spread rumors but your hubs is ok with that?
    via u/Vegoia2
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    Icy_Hovercraft_... Your husband should be standing up for you in this situation. Your in-laws sound horrific, they have never showed you any respect. Why would you want to spend any time with them? NTA
    via u/Icy_Hovercraft_6209
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    denitra1984 Your in laws lied about you, then your husband failed to advocate for you. Please explain why your husband would want you to be exposed to their nasty attitudes?? It's NOT OK to subject you to their hostility AND then get angry at your for protecting yourself from them! How is this difficult to understand???
    via u/denitra1984
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    SurroundMisera... NTA. Why would you go out of your way to do something they wouldn't appreciate you for and your kids and you would hate and ruin a perfectly good mini break.
    via u/SurroundMiserable262
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    Although I'm petty as f I'd rock up unannounced and when they complain go yeah that's why i set the boundaries before walking off to get the kids ice cream.
    via u/SurroundMiserable262
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    Scarryfish NTA. They didn't want to see their grandparents. Nothing more to it. You ask haff a long drive back home. As you said he could have come with you and gone to stay with his parents. Glad you and the kids got to see the ERA's tour.
    via u/Scarryfish
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    Fickle_Toe1724 NTA. I'm sorry, but your husband is way out of line. Ask him if he ever noticed how they engage with the kids? Or rather, lack of engagement? You asked the kids, and they did not want to go.
    via u/Fickle_Toe1724
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    Tell him you will not be going to visit his parents without him. They are mean to you. You will not go there without him.
    via u/Fickle_Toe1724
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    While many people sided with this parent, this person had a hot take of their own

    Electrical-Shine... Is this about you or your kids ? You're the AH. You drove there and could have made a 20 minute stop to let your kids see their grandchildren. Talk about selfish and self obsessed. It sounds like you're happy to punish the
    via u/Electrical-Shine957
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    in laws for bringing and your husband for being aj but did you think once about having your kids build a relationship with their grandparents? My mom and my dad's parents never got along but my mom made sure we saw our
    via u/Electrical-Shine957
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    grandparents as often as we could. She grinned and bore it because it wasn't about her. I ended up with a great relationship with them which never diminished my love for my mom. We knew they didn't get along and had she asked us if we wanted to see them we would have said no for that reason. She never put us in that position because she was the adult.
    via u/Electrical-Shine957

    This person thinks that this parent should've just made their kids visit with the grandparents. This is one way of viewing family relationships, but it isn't exactly a popular idea. 

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    CrazyOldBag Just curious, OP: Did you marry a man or a jellyfish? Cuz I'm not seeing a lot of evidence that speaks favorably of your husband's vertebral structural strength.
    via u/CrazyOldBag

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taylor swift family drama kids concert visit parenting husband in laws family grandparents parents
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