Grown man refuses to get a job or help around the house, his wife reaches her breaking point: “I feel like I’m taking care of a kid, not a partner”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 18, 2025 3:00 PM EST

Welcome back immaculate ladies of the internet. Where do we even begin our endless gripe about men? From the overarching legalities of the patriarchy, to the tacit treatment and subtleties of day-to-day interactions, there's a never ending flow of complaints we can make about men, isn't there? And don't even get me started on relationships and dating. It seems like men save all their worst qualities for the one special and loving woman willing to take care of them, support, and give everything for them. 

The issue of man-children is more frequent than you realize. Too many grown men expect to be coddled like babies their whole lives. If you're a woman who feels like her husband isn't putting in the work, then something needs to change. A proper discussion could make a big difference, if he's willing to meet you where your expectations are. 

The story below is about a stressed out woman who feels like she's doing everything. She's the breadwinner, she does all the household chores, and her lazy husband doesn't even have a job. The worst part is the defensiveness when she tries to talk to him about anything. 

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  • 01

    AITA for getting mad at my husband for not wanting to go to work or help around the house while I do everything?

    "I came home after a long day to find dishes everywhere, laundry piling up"
    via fotostorm from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So, I (F, 32) work full time as a marketing manager. My husband (M, 34) has been out of work for a while now, and we're really struggling financially. My salary just about covers the bills, but there's not much left for anything else. It's honestly been super stressful, and I feel like I'm drowning sometimes.
    via u/Sufficient-Hat-2596
  • 03
    At first, my husband said he was "looking for a job," but lately, it's become clear he's not really putting in much effort. When I ask about it, he says he's "waiting for the right opportunity" or that he's "not in the right headspace." But I've noticed he spends a lot of time just gaming, watching TV,
    via u/Sufficient-Hat-2596
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10455680768
    via txking from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    or napping. He hasn't been doing much around the house either. I'm the one doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping. I feel like I'm doing everything while he does nothing.
    via u/Sufficient-Hat-2596
  • 06
    Last night was the breaking point. I came home after a long day at work to a messy house dishes everywhere, laundry piling up, the bathroom was disgusting, and I still had to cook dinner for both of us. I was already tired and frustrated, and when I asked him why he hadn't done anything, he said he wasn't feeling in the mode today. I just lost it.
    via u/Sufficient-Hat-2596
  • 07
    I told him I couldn't keep doing everything alone. I work full time, I'm paying the bills, and I'm doing all the chores around the house. I told him it wasn't fair that I was carrying all the weight of the house and our finances, and that if we were going to get through this, we both needed to be pulling our weight. He got
    via u/Sufficient-Hat-2596
  • 08
    B
    via Hirurg from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    defensive and said I was being too harsh on him, that he was just "trying to decompress" and "deserved a break." I honestly couldn't believe it.
    via u/Sufficient-Hat-2596
  • 10
    The argument got really heated, and I said some things I probably shouldn't have. I told him that I felt like I was taking care of another kid, not a partner, and that I was at my breaking point. I told him I didn't know how much longer I could keep doing this. He got really upset, said I was “attacking" him, and stormed off to "clear his head."
    via u/Sufficient-Hat-2596
  • 11
    I feel bad about some of the things I said, but at the same. time, I'm just so exhausted. I'm constantly running on empty, and I don't know what else to do. I love him, but I can't keep doing everything myself. AITA for snapping at him and calling him out on his lack of effort?
    via u/Sufficient-Hat-2596

  • The worst isn't even that he's jobless and clearly going through something. It's the fact that he gets so defensive when she tries to talk to him about it! He's a literal baby and she's taking care of him like his mother! How do women end up in these situations?

  • 12
    Mother Search33... • 16h ago He is a freeloading I and deadbeat.. You need to take out the trash
    via u/Mother Search33
  • 13
    _s1m0n_s3z • 15h ago OP should stop paying for the internet and TV, for a start. Make sitting around the house less comfortable. NTA.
    via u/_s1m0n_s3z
  • 14
    Crabbie_one_5443 • 15h ago NTA It's time to downsize the bills. Start with the internet and cable. Any subscriptions go, too. Tell him you can't afford for him to stay home any longer.
    via u/Crabbie_one_5443
  • 15
    ChampionshipPa... .• 15h ago Trust me leaving him or kicking him out would be the best thing, because as long as you continue to support him he'll never get a job or help around the house. He knows you'll clean up after him, cook, and pay
    via u/ChampionshipPa
  • 16
    the bills so why would he want anything to change? Your life would be easier only supporting yourself, until he can take on some responsibility you just can't keep doing everything for him. He's not depressed or needs a break he's just lazy.
    via u/ChampionshipPa
  • 17
    Inevitable_Projec... 15h ago NTA and I'm so petty I would stop doing his laundry and cooking for him because I'm not in the mood and need to decompress and I need a break
    via u/Inevitable_Projec
  • 18
    Notoriginalname... • 15h ago You should make a decision quickly, and leave if you're going to leave. The longer he doesn't work increases your odds of having to pay alimony or spousal maintenance if you do leave later.
    via u/Notoriginalname
  • 19
    Timely_Proposal_... • 15h ago I'd put a password on the Internet, tv etc... No grocery shopping I'd eat out every night. But knowing me, my husband never tried to pull that stunt on me. Start believing you deserve better.
    via u/Timely_Proposal_

  • Does anyone else hear divorce bells?

  • 20
    mrsrgio • 16h ago NTA. He should pull his weight and help around the house. What if you need to "clear your head" or "need to decompress"? Where is your time to do that - among all the work and chores and paying pills?
    via u/mrsrgio
  • 21
    He might be depressed or whatever but he needs to work through his stuff. He can't help you to do everything alone. And do not let him guilt trip you - you had and have every right to express your frustration.
    via u/mrsrgio
  • 22
    Suitable_Doubt7... • 15h ago NTA, since are paying all the bills. Stop paying for WiFi- streaming service or anything else that brings him joy. Open a credit card in your name and cancel all the joint credit cards. Put your money in an account
    via u/Suitable_Doubt7
  • 23
    that only you can access. He can eat only the food you buy. Don't purchase a food that he likes. When he complains tell him that you had to cut back on expenses. Good luck. You really don't want to divorce him until he has a job otherwise you might be on the hook for alimony.
    via u/Suitable_Doubt7
  • 24
    Candid Process1... • 16h ago 100% NTA!! He needs to step up and help out financialy and around the house otherwise kick his lazy a out!
    via u/Candid Process1

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