Baby shower guest prompts discourse after complaining about being asked to buy mom gift from a registry: 'No one owes you a gift because you got pregnant'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 21, 2025 6:00 PM EST

One of many undeniable truths about parenthood is that kids are expensive. Even those parents who do their best to make the most of hand-me-downs, thrift shops, and good old-fashioned budgeting find that keeping a whole other person or several alive takes a chunk out of their income that wasn't there before. You can try to be economical all you like, but all that food, clothing, entertainment, and more will never be completely free.

This can be especially overwhelming for those who are expecting. Not only are their lives going to change forever, but there is such a lot of stuff  that they seem to need to accompany that. One of the best things you can do for a pregnant friend or family member is buy them something that they think they will want when the baby arrives, and traditionally, a baby shower has been the optimal time to do this. 

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    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • However, not everybody is so comfortable with this accepted arrangement. One woman found herself in the center of a controversy recently after she complained about the mom throwing a baby shower she had been invited to requesting that guests buy a gift from their registry. 

    Arguing that gift-giving should be a kind gesture and not a responsibility, she claimed that in the face of this injustice, she would refuse to go to the party. This led to many questioning why she had reacted this way.

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    via Kateryna Hliznitsova

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Show Me The Data @txsalth20 I got invited to a baby shower and on the invite it said "please purchase gifts from the baby registry" I'm sorry, if you invite me to a party and then tell me where and how to buy a present- I'm not coming- and you're not getting no present.
    via txsalth2o
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    Show Me The Data @txsalth20 Replying to @txsalth20 I can't believe I have to type this out but: No one owes you a gift because you got pregnant, and certainly, no one owes you a specific gift of your choosing because you got pregnant.
    via txsalth2o
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    Show Me The Data @txsalth20 No one owes you a gift because you choose to get married either. If you have a wedding and are only inviting people with the anticipation of gifts- don't invite them.
    via txsalth2o
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    Show Me The Data @txsalth20 One last post to clear up confusion then it's going on mute: Yes, including where you are registered for a baby shower is standard. No, telling people to purchase from that registry is not.
    via txsalth2o
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    While a couple of people agreed with her, most could not wrap their heads around her strong refusal to participate in the registry.

    Maia Bittner @maiab Replying to @txsalth20 it's called a shower because you shower them with gifts. you can take issue with the existence of the concept, but it's a little bizarre to say the parties should still be thrown but the premise should be changed. I'm sure it would be fine if you showed up without a gift. (again, I think it's a weird move for you to go to party that's about giving gifts to someone and not participate but I doubt they would hold it against you). saying "please buy from t
    via maiab

    Long story short: parents need a lot of things for a new baby, and they would prefer not to have anything they don't want or five of the same item. It makes sense.

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    microchipped @McJadesks Replying to @txsalth20 Honestly, with this attitude I am surprised you get invited to anything at all
    via McJadesks
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    cactus girl @cactusncookies Replying to @txsalth20 I'm going to a baby shower tomorrow and I'm so glad to have the registry available so I know what I spend my hard earned money on will be of good use to new mom and baby. It's not required but people need what they need and I appreciate the guidance so I'm not wasting my money.
    via cactusncookies
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    Shera Green @shera_green Replying to @txsalth20 Idk-I feel like what is the purpose of the registry if people don't use it. I had a baby shower and I had registered for things I truly needed and didn't get them and it was really difficult after that. I had to buy them and had a bunch of stuff I didn't want or need.
    via shera_green
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    Lale @Wordphrasepizza Replying to @txsalth20 Don't want to buy from the registry, don't go. The invite was a courtesy, not a requirement.
    via Wordphrasepizza
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    DOC @luxaenigmaticae Replying to @txsalth20 Kinda weird to criticize this for new parents or couples starting out. Absolutely valid for birthdays and Secret Santa. So extra, I will not show up.
    via luxaenigmaticae
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    Jeremiroquai @Jerematic79 Replying to @txsalth2o THANK YOU. Personally, I dislike the entire concept of throwing a party for the express purpose of your guests showering you gifts. And don't even get me started on the current trend of inviting guys to baby showers. We. Don't. Want. To. Come.
    via Jerematic79
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    Deornwulf @The Deornwulf Replying to @txsalth20 I disagree with your take. The line is included to let people know that there is a baby registry and also helps to prevent duplicate gifts. Gift-giving can create a great deal of stress for some people. Giving a duplicate gift is embarrassing to me and even worse when there is an obvious disparity in the cost and quality. You are free to ignore every part of the invitation if you wish. They said please and you can just say no without being insultin
    via The_Deornwulf
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    Susan Bartle @smbartle Replying to @txsalth20 Ignore that part and go and defy the order. Buy whatever u want for the new baby. Books are a great gift.
    via smbartle
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    littlebillie @littlebillie If I invited someone to my baby shower and found out they wrote this unhinged rant about me on Twitter instead of *getting over themselves* I would no longer consider this person an acquaintance let alone someone | would invite to share in the joy of having babies.
    via littlebillie
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    mouthy mom ❤ @mouthy_mom_ I regret to inform you that baby showers are about the mom and baby, not you.
    via mouthy_mom_
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    Nat@punkydunes The last shower I went to, the mom got 6 baby baths because people for some reason didn't check the registry, which also removed items that had already been purchased to help avoid duplicates. The registry exists for a reason. This take and the defensive replies are wild.
    via punkydunes
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    Uyai "The Dragon" @theonlyUyai I find people like this insufferable. Showers are intimate events meaning you know this person personally. Is this is how you navigate friendships, you shouldn't be in the persons life. Such a
    via theonlyUyai
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    loderanged weirdo @violentbreedx the "I don't owe anybody anything" mentality has rotted so many of your brains.
    via violentbreedx
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    C@cintykanengoni May this type of friend with this mentality NEVER find me A
    via cintykanengoni
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    Bee Holder @_BeeHolder_ The point of a baby shower is to shower the baby with gifts. The point of a registry is to ensure the baby doesn't get 20 blankets and no monitor.
    via _BeeHolder_
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    Georgina Rose h✰ @daatdarling The fact that this is a popular thread shows the decline of communities. You actually do have obligations to the people around you, you actually do owe people things, and you do have to partake in social traditions to have a thriving community. Norms keep communities strong.
    via daatdarling
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    Lauren @Laureasons_ The entire point of a baby shower is to celebrate the baby and the mom-to-be, so why wouldn't you purchase things that they actually need. Just stay your miserable a at home.
    via Laureasons_
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    yasmin (@youngtragedi you're weird and should be excluded from every event
    via youngtragedi
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    Aerin @FromAerin Is everybody a idiot these days? A baby shower isn't simply a “party” it's to give the community a chance to give the mom gifts related to rearing a child. Please stay that a at home
    via FromAerin
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    Lakyn Thee Stylist @OgLakyn I have a theory. I think people react so viscerally to the idea of a party coming with the expectation of a gift because they don't really hang out with their friends outside of major life events that come with the expectation of gifts.
    via OgLakyn
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    Kenia @waakeniaa Adults crying that "you can't tell me what to do! " are so cringe. How are you still acting like a five year old.
    via waakenia

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