Man fails to stand up for wife against mother-in-law that refuses to acknowledge her allergies, wife forced to bring her own food to family dinner: "My food restrictions are a medical necessity"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 13, 2025 5:00 PM EST

You know there is a difference between being allergic to something and being intolerant to it? Most people with no medical issues surrounding food tend to assume that they're the same thing. However, allergies elicit a specific, immune response from the body that results in the classic symptoms: itchy eyes, watery nose, hives, and anaphylactic shock in extreme cases. Food intolerance is when your digestive system has trouble processing a certain type of food. The symptoms are digestive and are usually more uncomfortable than dangerous. That's why dairy-intolerant people like myself can get away with eating a little cheese and suffering the consequences, but someone with a peanut allergy can't "let loose" and eat a PBJ. Still, everyone is different and even food intolerances can range into very serious territory. 

In our story today, a woman with serious food intolerances begins taking her own meals to her mother-in-law's dinner parties. This comes in response to being promised safe food that won't cause her body pain and instead being gaslit into believing a "little bit" of butter is equal to none. Scroll down for more.

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    AITA Bringing My Own Food My Mother--Law's Dinners?

    "I made it clear to my MIL that my food. restrictions weren't a preference or a diet choice, they were a medical necessity."
    via Eugen Tamas's Images
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    I (29F) have been married to my husband (32M) for four years. His mother (61F) is an amazing cook, and everyone in the family raves about her meals. There's just one problem I have severe food
    via u/PeachyVixen51
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    intolerances. I can't eat gluten or dairy without getting violently ill. I'm not talking about mild discomfort; I mean full-body pain, nausea, and digestive issues that can last for days.
    via u/PeachyVixen51
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    From the beginning, I made it clear to my MIL that my food restrictions weren't a preference or a diet choice, they were a medical necessity. She acted
    via u/PeachyVixen51
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    understanding at first, saying she'd accommodate me. But every time she hosted a family dinner, there would be "special" meals made for me that always ended up containing something I couldn't eat.
    via u/PeachyVixen51
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    Cheezburger Image 10467689728
    via gilaxia

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    The first time, she made me a pasta dish and proudly said it was gluten-free. But after one bite, I realized she used soy sauce in the sauce, which contains wheat. When I pointed it out, she laughed and said, "Oh, it's just a little bit! That shouldn't hurt. right?"
    via u/PeachyVixen51
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    Another time, she made mashed potatoes and assured me they were dairy-free. After eating half my portion, she casually mentioned she added "just a little butter for flavor" because "it's not really dairy." I spent the next day sick in bed.
    via u/PeachyVixen51
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    After that, I started bringing my own food. I made sure it was nothing extravagant, usually just a small meal for myself, something simple like a salad with chicken or a rice and veggie dish. I never made a big deal about it; I'd quietly plate my food while everyone else ate what MIL made. But the first time I did this, she was furious.
    via u/PeachyVixen51
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    Cheezburger Image 10467689984
    via Monkey Business Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    She said it was "incredibly r de" and made her feel like I didn't trust her cooking. I calmly explained that after getting sick multiple times from meals she made, I had to be cautious. She insisted she'd be
    via u/PeachyVixen51
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    more careful, but then, at the next dinner, she made a soup that she swore was gluten-free-only for me to later find out she thickened it with flour. That was the last straw. From that point on, I refused to eat anything she made.
    via u/PeachyVixen51

  • It can be difficult to adhere to someone's diet restrictions, but there is definitely a difference between not being aware that soy sauce contains gluten, which isn't common knowledge, and knowingly adding flour to a dish intended for someone with a gluten intolerance.

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    Things escalated at the last family dinner. I brought my own food as usual, but this time, MIL refused to let me eat it. She said I was being "disrespectful" by not even trying her food. I told her that after multiple times of getting sick from her meals, I
    via u/PeachyVixen51
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    wasn't willing to take the risk. She snapped, calling me "entitled" and saying I was ruining family dinners with my "pickiness." I lost my temper and said, "My health isn't up for debate, and I'm not going to apologize for taking care of myself." Then I left early.
    via u/PeachyVixen51
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    Now, my husband is upset. He understands my side but thinks I could have just eaten beforehand to avoid the drama. His family is mad at me, and MIL is acting like she's the victim. I'm starting to wonder, should I have just sucked it up and eaten before coming over instead of bringing my own food? Was I too harsh?
    via u/PeachyVixen51

  • It is absurd that her husband is not willing to stand up for her despite the fact that his mom is literally impacting her physical health.

  • 16
    sugarxbones NTA - Let's not pretend your MIL wouldn't have been just as offended if you ate beforehand. She's hoping to catch you in a lie of "see! I had gluten in it and you were FINE, you're just picky!"
    via u/sugarxbones
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    FryOneFatManic That's something I wondered, especially when OP said MIL called it pickiness, among other things. Edit: plus the fact that MIL is only mentioning the butter, flour, etc, after OP has eaten a bit.
    via u/FryOneFatManic
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    Gnd_flpd Man, I really, really want to read about a poster dumping that bad food all over these women's heads.
    via u/Gnd_flpd
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    BadMom2Trans Let's add in that hubby SEES what this has done to his wife every time and he's still trying to tell her not to offend his mom! "Honey, it's ok if you're sick for the next two days and I have to be around you puking and in pain, but I can't have you upset my mom and make her think you're ungrateful and r de. She's more important."
    via u/BadMom2Trans
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    Prestigious_Reward66 Yes. The problem is there ARE some people who fake that they have problems with all kinds of foods when they are in groups, and they come across as being difficult and finicky because people have seen them eating those foods at
    via u/Prestigious_Reward66
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    other times when they don't know they're being noticed. They ruin it for those like OP who genuinely get ill from eating certain foods. She is labeled as entitled. She spoke up for herself on numerous occasions, yet her husband doesn't defend her.
    via u/Prestigious_Reward66
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    Senator_Bink Yes. I despise those fakers. Still, the thing to do is take them at their word, not "test" them to try to catch them out. I mean, if MIL wants to call OP a liar, she should just do it up front instead of sneakily poisoning her.
    via u/Senator_Bink
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    lizards 4776 I remember a post where a dinner guest wanted everything salt free. OP made a great meal, salt free and was accused of lying by the guest. After that, the guest was only ever served incredibly bland food while everyone else had a lovely meal.
    via u/lizards4776
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    FinancialCamel7281 NTA my daughter has food intolerance, gluten being the main one, her mother in law did the same, stupidity to her. Eventually after numerous occasions, my daughter being ill, she stopped eating her food. Her husband backed her against his mother, Eventually mother in law, tried to involve the other flying monkeys. We were all at a party a few
    via u/FinancialCamel7281
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    years ago, she started her passive aggressive "picky eater" rubbish. I straight up called her out. I asked her if she had trouble understanding a medical condition, if she did I would be more than willing to educate her. She accused me of trying to embarrass her, I said no, her inability to understand simple English is her fault not mine.
    via u/FinancialCamel7281
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    lyingdogfacepony66 NTA - you don't have a food allergy problem. You have a husband problem
    via u/lyingdogfacepony66
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    CozyCornerClair NTA you were absolutely right... Your MIL has proven she can't be trusted with your dietary restrictions so bringing your own food is the only reasonable solution she's intentionally ignoring your needs & then playing the victim when you protect yourself that's not just inconsiderate...it's downright
    via u/CozyCornerClair
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    malicious & your husband? Instead of asking you to avoid drama he should be calling out his mother for repeatedly putting your health at risk stand your ground...You don't owe anyone an apology for not wanting to be sick for days just to spare someone else's ego...
    via u/CozyCornerClair
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    NTA Humble Story_4531 This has happened multiple times. Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, 3 times is intentional. It makes sense that you can't trust her. Also, just sitting there while everyone else is eating is super awkward and your MIL may just criticize you for not eating.
    via u/Humble_Story_4531
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    shizzstirer Yeah, soy? Sure, she didn't understand what was in it. Flour? That's the most basic ingredient not to add for someone who has a gluten allergy.
    via u/shizzstirer
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    If you don't want to accuse her of straight up trying to poison you, though, just act like she's too stupid to cook for you. "It's clearly too difficult for you to cook for me, so I'm bringing my own so I
    via u/shizzstirer
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    can enjoy the amazing company without risk of violent illness." She either has to cop to intentionally putting in ingredients that she knows you can't tolerate, or agree that she's too dumb to get it. Watch her squirm.
    via u/shizzstirer
  • 33
    passion_kiss NTA. Your husband is enabling his mom's deliberate disrespect. If he won't stand up for you, stop attending the dinners altogether.
    via u/passion_kiss

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family drama marriage cooking allergies wife reddit story married life relationships husband couples mother in law entitled reddit thread red flag Reddit entitled people
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