Younger sister eyes 31-year-old sister's wedding date for her own ceremony, sibling rivalry intensifies as she gets a second job in order to secure the venue first: "It's our ten-year anniversary"

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 19, 2025 4:00 PM EST

Do you and your partner celebrate your anniversary? My fiancé and I definitely do. We love a reason to go on a date night and pamper each other, so we even try to plan an intentional outing each month around the 14th as a mini-anniversary. For the actual yearly date, we like to travel and try new things. One year, we went to a bunch of archaeological sites. The next year, we went to a national park and swam in an ice-cold river. Some might laugh at our excitement, call us naive, or say that we're still just in the honeymoon phase, but we both love celebrating together and enjoying each other's company and will take any excuse to do it!

In our story today, a long-term couple plans to get married on the date of their 10-year anniversary. However, the bride-to-be's sister is also eyeing that particular date, citing her in-law's health as a primary reason. To read the full story with all the details, scroll down below.

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  • 01

    AITA not wanting my sister take my wedding dates?

    "I feel like I'm always the one compromising."
    via kparis

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My fiancé (31M) and I (28F) have been engaged for a year, and while we've struggled to nail down our exact vision for the wedding, the one thing I was certain about was our wedding dates. It's our 10-
    via u/Plethora_of_plants
  • 03
    year anniversary that year, and I loved the idea of getting married on that weekend-it felt incredibly special to me. I've involved my sister in my brainstorming process and shared most, if not all, of my ideas with her.
    via u/Plethora_of_plants
  • 04
    This past Christmas, my sister (30F) got engaged. Since then, she's been in full-on wedding planning mode, which I'm genuinely excited about. I've noticed that she's mentioned a few small details
    via u/Plethora_of_plants
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10470303488
    via pixelshot

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    from my ideas, saying she's "stealing" them for her wedding. It did bother me a little, but not enough to say anything-after all, they're just small details from Pinterest that neither of us own. It was annoying, but I let it go.
    via u/Plethora_of_plants
  • 07
    However, her fiancé's parents are dealing with serious health issues, so they want to get married next year—the same year I had been planning for. To help her pick a date, she made a spreadsheet, and her top choice just so happens to be the exact dates I had been set on.
    via u/Plethora_of_plants
  • 08
    She did ask me if they could use those dates and reassured me that our relationship means more to her than the dates. When she first asked, I panicked and said yes, but later, I texted her to say I needed time to think and talk to my fiancé. She's now given me a deadline of March 1st to decide.
    via u/Plethora_of_plants
  • 09
    DATE
    via pixelshot

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  • 10
    Because of her fiancé's family situation and the fact that I haven't put down deposits yet, I feel like I can't say no. But at the same time, I feel really hurt and disappointed. I've been working extra hours at a
    via u/Plethora_of_plants
  • 11
    second job to afford this wedding, and I've been waiting until I pay off my debt before making bookings. Meanwhile, her fiancé's family is well-off and covering most of their wedding costs, making it easier for her to plan and secure things quickly.
    via u/Plethora_of_plants
  • 12
    A part of me wonders if waiting an extra year might actually be beneficial for me financially, especially since I'll be a bridesmaid in three weddings over this year and next. But at the same time, I feel like I'm always the one compromising, and if I give this up too, I worry I'll end up feeling resentful.
    via u/Plethora_of_plants

  • It really doesn't seem like a coincidence that her sister happened to pick the very dates that her sister has had her heart set on. Wanting to get married within the year is fine, but if I were her sister, those dates would be off the table for me.

  • 13
    When I brought it up with friends, they told me I should be the "bigger person" and that hopefully, my sister would feel bad later on. They also pointed out that if something were to happen to her fiancé's
    via u/Plethora_of_plants
  • 14
    parents before the wedding, I might feel guilty for not giving up the dates. And that, ultimately, I don't own the dates since I haven't made official plans yet. These are all fair points, but I can't shake the feeling that I'll regret it if I let this go.
    via u/Plethora_of_plants
  • 15
    My fiancé is firmly against giving up the dates and finds it odd that my sister would even want to share an anniversary. Personally, I don't think that part is a huge deal, but it clearly matters to him. So, AITA if I tell my sister I'd be upset if she took those dates?
    via u/Plethora_of_plants
  • 16
    Cheezburger Image 10470303744
    via Alina Skazka from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 17
    Sp kBnkMaterial Its not an accident they suddenly want your dates, come on, its you and your fiancé's 10 year anniversary! Who gets married on their siblings
    via u/Sp kBnkMaterial
  • 18
    anniversary??? Let alone such a big one.... NTA op, that time will always be special to you and yours, even if your sister "takes" the date. Definitely try to talk to her about how this is hurting you.
    via u/Sp kBnkMaterial
  • 19
    Angy_47777 Weird people who always have to compete when no one else is even trying to compete with them. Insecure people do this.
    via u/Angy_47777
  • 20
    ElectricHurricane321 I'm not saying the sister isn't being sketchy about it, but let's be real. It's a 10 year DATING anniversary. I'm close to my sisters, and I have no idea when their dating anniversaries are. It's just not something I keep track of. Does OP's family
    via u/ElectricHurricane321
  • 21
    normally celebrate the dating anniversary? Is it a big deal to the whole family or just OP and fiance? As for the AH ruling, it's hard to say. OP seems very back and forth on if the wedding is even
    via u/ElectricHurricane321
  • 22
    happening this year. Without knowing how big of a deal the dating anniversary is to the entire family, I can't really say whether or not the sister would be an AH for choosing that specific date.
    via u/ElectricHurricane321
  • 23
    On_my_last_spoon I will say that if OP wants those dates, she's gonna need to book them sooner than later. You can't wait until you've saved the money. Lots of places have bookings more than a year
    via u/On_my_last_spoon
  • 24
    ahead. When I got married the 2nd time, we had to be flexible because we were trying to do it in under 7 months. That meant asking the venue what days they had open.
    via u/On_my_last_spoon
  • 25
    Island Busy1165 Yeah this kind of reminds me of demanding a baby name be reserved for you before you are even pregnant, and telling your sibling who's just had a baby they can't choose that name.
    via u/IslandBusy1165
  • 26
    Sister is ready to make moves and OP just isn't. She has a nice idea and wants it to be perfect but is losing sight of the big picture. She is waiting to overextend herself financially and assigning undue significance to things that actually don't matter to her marriage in the grand scheme, like the "daring anniversary."
    via u/IslandBusy1165
  • 27
    OP should expedite her wedding planning and do it at a lower cost, and start her life with her fiance. 10 years is a long time and there's no reason to drag this out. It's the marriage that matters, not the wedding or the day, especially when it's a financial and logistical challenge or long-shot.
    via u/IslandBusy1165
  • 28
    Names and event dates are a first come first serve basis. That's the only fair and unchaotic way of treating them.
    via u/IslandBusy1165

  • I guess they're first come, first serve, but knowing for a long time that your sister planned to name their kid something and then deciding, last-minute, that you want to use the same name is just bad form. Same with dates.

  • 29
    Western-Cupcake-6651 No. And your groom said no. That's it. That's all. And stop sharing things with her so she can steal them. Stop with the doormat/martyr routine. Jesus.
    via u/Western-Cupcake-6651
  • 30
    iiieetron This part! OP, she gave you an out. Why are you waffling? Doesn't she have * checks notes *... 364 other days to chose from next year?
    via u/iiieetron
  • 31
    velocitygrl42 NTA but I don't really understand why it's an issue. Your sister asked you. When you said yes but changed your mind, she gave you a fairly generous. deadline. I assume if she's given you a deadline that she would understand if you said no. Your fiancé wants to say no.
    via u/velocitygrl42
  • 32
    Just tell her a gentle no. That you've had your heart set on this date and while you understand her rush, that you'd really prefer to have that one weekend to be just for you. Hopefully she understands and picks. a different date.
    via u/velocitygrl42
  • 33
    As far as if you push it a year and then share anniversary dates. Luckily no one gives a cr p about your anniversary but you. I mean. Seriously no one else cares unless it's the wedding or a milestone. Don't let that be a reason to change your weekend. Good luck! Happy weddings!
    via u/velocitygrl42
  • 34
    chickengarbagewater There are plenty of other weekends for her to choose. It's very odd she chose yours when it means so much to you. Stand your ground.
    via u/chickengarbagewater
  • 35
    sofluffyfluffy This. Honestly - out of all the weekends in a year, your planned wedding date is at the top of her list? She has other dates on her spreadsheet. Tell her you would appreciate her picking one of the others.
    via u/sofluffyfluffy
  • 36
    It's okay to do things for yourself. You don't always have to be the one to sacrifice. Take it from someone who has made waaaaay too many sacrifices for someone else. This will not make you feel good. You will feel resentment. And you shouldn't feel guilty about having boundaries.
    via u/sofluffyfluffy

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family drama wedding drama sibling rivalry siblings reddit story relationships wedding couples love entitled sister engagement reddit thread Reddit dating
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