Ungrateful woman bashes secondhand gift in front of birthday guests, blows up when friend privately asks for "used" glassware back: "[She said] she would be discarding them later"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 24, 2025 7:00 PM EST

What do you do when you receive a gift you're not all that into? I'll refrain from any specific personal anecdotes today seeing as many people that I love keep up with my work here on Cheezcake. However, on the rare occasions that I have torn wrapping paper or lifted tissue to reveal something that I would have preferred had been left at the store from whence it came, I find that the best thing to do is to accept the gift with grace. Whether or not you like the present, it is important to remember the thought behind it. Once at home, you can always regift or do what you will with it.

In our story today, a young woman reacts negatively when she finds out that her friend has gifted her secondhand glassware. Her friend, overhearing that she plans to dispose of it, asks for the gift back. To find out how this story ends, scroll down below.

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  • 01

    AITA for asking my friend to give back a gift I gave her after she openly expressed that she would be getting rid of it?

    "At the mention of an estate sale, she became visibly disgusted."
    via towfiqu barbhuiya

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (27 F) have been friends with this girl (we'll call her Mary-28 F) since high-school. Recently I was back in our hometown and she invited me to her birthday brunch to celebrate her 28th b-day. One day on my
    via u/cereal4dinner12
  • 03
    way home I happened to stumble across an estate sale where I found a set of really nice, crystal champagne glasses that were in really good condition and cheaper than their worth. Mary lives a
    via u/cereal4dinner12
  • 04
    high quality fancy lifestyle, so I thought they would be perfect for her, especially because they were within my budget (at the time I had been recovering from student loans and just put down a deposit on my first apartment in the city).
    via u/cereal4dinner12
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10471741696
    via Rob_Ellis

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    Fast forward to the brunch, we had a really good time and I got to catch up with Mary and other friends from high-school. Mary was eager to open the presents, and when she got to mine, she
    via u/cereal4dinner12
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10471741440
    via Kampus Production from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    seemed to enjoy them, asking me where I got them since there was no label. I explained that I didn't know the brand, but the person running the estate sale had assured me that they were authentic and had been a wedding gift to the previous owners. At the mention of the estate sale, Mary became visibly
    via u/cereal4dinner12
  • 09
    disgusted. Although she didn't say anything to my face, she was very passive aggressive towards me for the rest of the afternoon. I overheard her whispering to some of the other guests about how I had the audacity to give her a used item and that she would be discarding them later.
    via u/cereal4dinner12

  • At her grown age, she should know how to accept a gift with grace even if she doesn't really like it. If she finds it offensive to receive a secondhand gift, then that's a conversation she can have privately with her friend instead of acting like an ungrateful child.

  • 10
    Cheezburger Image 10471741952
    via Syda Productions

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 11
    After the event was over, I approached her privately, not wanting to make a scene and asked that if she wasn't going to use the glasses, if she could give them back as I would put them to good use and know their quality. She flipped out and told me it was extremely ride to ask for them back and it was not my business what she did with them.
    via u/cereal4dinner12
  • 12
    My family is understanding and thinks that I did nothing wrong, but some mutual friends also at the event think otherwise. So, am I the a-he?
    via u/cereal4dinner12
  • 13
    Mean Willingness1907 No, you're not the ah le. You gave Mary a thoughtful gift that you put effort into selecting, considering her taste and your budget. If she had genuinely appreciated the gift but simply didn't have space for it or it wasn't her style,
    via u/Mean_Willingness1907
  • 14
    that would be one thing. However, she openly disrespected your gift, making snide comments and planning to discard it. At that point, it's not unreasonable to ask for it back, especially if you would genuinely appreciate and use it.
    via u/Mean_Willingness1907
  • 15
    Mary's reaction shows a level of entitlement and ungratefulness. A gracious person would have either accepted the gift without complaint or discreetly rehomed it without making a scene. Her disgust at the glasses being secondhand is also pretty ridiculous, considering estate sales often have high- quality, valuable items.
    via u/Mean_Willingness1907
  • 16
    That said, some people consider gifts to be completely out of the giver's hands once given, and they might see asking for it back as inappropriate. However, given the circumstances—that she was planning to throw them away—it makes sense that you would rather take them back than let them go to waste.
    via u/Mean_Willingness1907
  • 17
    Your mutual friends may be siding with Mary due to social dynamics or just general etiquette around gifts, but ultimately, her reaction was the ride and inconsiderate one, not yours.
    via u/Mean_Willingness1907
  • 18
    LadyPurpleButterfly ESH, it is not good etiquette to ask for a gift back once it's been given. She's also in the wrong for what she said, but it is hers now that she has opened it and seen it, so she can do with it as she may whether you like or not. Just really rethink your friendship with her and any others that seem very snobby.
    via u/LadyPurpleButterfly
  • 19
    hubertburnette Actually....if someone says they don't like a gift-- in front of everyone--it is perfectly fine to offer to take it back. That is, in fact, good manners.
    via u/hubertburnette
  • 20
    Umiel I really don't know where the idea came from that once a gift is given, the recipient has complete freedom to do whatever they want with it. In the real world, we have to consider the feelings of others, including those who give us gifts. For example, it
    via u/Umiel
  • 21
    would be extremely r de to immediately throw a gift in the trash upon opening it while the giver looks on. If someone did that with one of my gifts, I'd be hurt, and I'd rather take it back than watch that happen. This is pretty close to what Mary was about to do with the glasses, so I think the OP is NTA.
    via u/Umiel
  • 22
    sbadbear This. Especially considering that even though the birthday girl was talking smack about the gift and throwing it away where OP could clearly hear, OP was still kind enough to wait until she could speak to her in private to ask for the gift back.
    via u/sbadbear
  • 23
    wayward_painter Some relationships are good to let go of. We don't have to remain friends with people after that stage of life i done.
    via u/wayward_painter
  • 24
    starchy2ber ESH. Don't give used items as gifts unless the recipient has approved that in advance.
    via u/starchy2ber
  • 25
    She should have accepted the bad gift graciously and donated it after the fact. She's also ridiculous for opening a bunch of gifts at this lunch. Even 5 yo rarely do this at bday parties these days. Its gauche. You guys don't seem to understand etiquette.
    via u/starchy2ber
  • 26
    No_Report_8060 I was waiting for this comment. Who gifts someone used glasses?
    via u/No_Report_8060

  • Has our protagonist's friend never visited a restaurant? All the glassware there is “used.” Seriously, unless the gift was chipped or damaged in some way, it is pretty much as good as new and certainly not “disgusting.”

  • 27
    kaylola Uhhh... Used high-quality champagne glasses? That's an absolutely appropriate gift. It's not used three-dollar Walmart glasses or something.
    via u/kaylola
  • 28
    Wwwwwwhhhhhhhj That seems like a silly question. What do you people think vintage and antique items for the majority are. Used does not mean like just some hand me downs for a lot of types of items. Like quality crystal glasses that are from an estate sale.
    via u/Wwwwwwhhhhhhhj
  • 29
    Have you been to an estate sale? I mean there are professionals whose job it is to go to estate sales to purchase items for high end sale at stores.
    via u/Wwwwwwhhhhhhhj
  • 30
    hubertburnette Woah, that's a weird rule--you don't give used items as a gift? I've read a lot of etiquette books, and I've never seen that one. You just invented it.
    via u/hubertburnette
  • 31
    LionCM NTA. If she doesn't want them, you can get her something else: a plate. It's shallow, just like her.
    via u/LionCM
  • 32
    Constellation-88 NTA. I normally wouldn't OK asking for a gift back, but she was openly rode and disdainful about a gift and then expressed that she was going to throw them away, which is wasteful.
    via u/Constellation-88

Tags

friendship thrift shop presents birthday Female Empowerment friends reddit story relationships love entitled rich people reddit thread Reddit vintage relationship drama
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