Mother defends 16-year-old daughter when sister-in-laws belittle her for not cooking enough at home, accuse her of "undermining" them to husband: "They were confused by the idea of you being in charge of your home"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Mar 8, 2025 8:00 PM EST

Who was the "chef" in your family growing up? In my household, my dad was the go-to cook. He was pretty talented in the kitchen and could make just about anything. My mom had fewer skills, but she had a handful of dishes that she considered to be her speciality. However, the reality in our day-to-day was that neither of them had time to prepare homecooked meals every evening. Most of my childhood meals consisted of quicker, on-the-go snacks that I prepared for myself pretty early on.

In our story today, a family has a similar setup in terms of food in their household. Our protagonist describes it as "fend for yourself" meals. It works for her, her husband, and their teenage daughter. However, when the in-laws come to visit, they stage something of an intervention regarding the cooking habits in the house. Our protagonist takes the criticism like a champ and defends her daughter when the belittlement turns to her. Scroll down to get all the details of this story. 

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  • 01

    AITA for “undermining” my sisters-in-law?

    They insisted we needed to "do better."
    via Alex Potemkin

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My (46F) husband (50M) is the youngest of his siblings, and despite being 50, they still see him as the "baby" of the family. Sometimes it's endearing, but other times, it's frustrating.
    via u/Chemical-Ad9187
  • 03
    When our kids were younger, I worked part-time so I could be home for them. During that time, I cooked most nights. A few years ago, I started working full- time. I work from home, but my job is demanding,
    via u/Chemical-Ad9187
  • 04
    and I don't have much downtime. Around the same time, my husband's job responsibilities decreased, so we agreed that he would take on more cooking.
    via u/Chemical-Ad9187
  • 05
    00.00
    via Monkey Business Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    Lately, he hasn't wanted to cook as often, and I don't have the energy either. Now, I usually cook twice a week, he cooks once or twice, and the rest
    via u/Chemical-Ad9187
  • 07
    of the time, we either order out or do "fend for yourself" meals. Our 16-year-old can cook, and we always have easy, healthy food available. It works for us, and everyone is happy.
    via u/Chemical-Ad9187
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10476344320
    via mixetto

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    Then, my husband's family visited. One night, my sister-in-law cooked to thank us for hosting. While helping her, I joked that our kitchen was getting more use than usual. She looked confused, so I
    via u/Chemical-Ad9187
  • 10
    explained our setup. She didn't say much then, but later, she and my other sisters-in-law staged an "intervention," telling me it was my duty to cook since I work from home.
    via u/Chemical-Ad9187
  • 11
    I asked if they had this conversation with their brother, who is just as capable (and was taught to cook by them). They said no, they were talking to me. I told them our arrangement works for us.
    via u/Chemical-Ad9187

  • It's none of their business how they handle cooking in the household. Their misogyny is on full display here.

  • 12
    Then my 16-year-old daughter walked in, and they turned to her, saying she should be cooking for us. I cut them off, saying she has a busy schedule and that if she wants to cook, she can, but it's not her job. They insisted we needed to "do better." I told
    via u/Chemical-Ad9187
  • 13
    them to mind their business and take it up with their brother if they had concerns. When they wouldn't drop it, I told them to stop or leave. That shut them up-but then they ran to my husband, crying that I had "undermined them" in front of my daughter.
    via u/Chemical-Ad9187
  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10476344576
    via Jason_V

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    Now, my husband thinks I should've just let them talk and addressed it with our daughter later. He says we don't see them often, so not everything needs to be an argument, and I should be nicer to his sisters. I told him they were the ones who started the argument.
    via u/Chemical-Ad9187

  • Her sisters-in-law were totally out of bounds when criticizing our protagonist and her daughter, but the issue here seems to lie with her husband. If he wants to be passive with his personal relationship with his siters, that's fine, but he should stand up for his family.

  • 16
    Tinkerpro You. Undermined them. What authority did they actually have in your home talking to your daughter? You didn't undermine them, you told them to get their big, fat noses out of your family. Seems reasonable to me. They want an apology?
    via u/Tinkerpro
  • 17
    I am sorry that your feelings were hurt when I told you to mind your own business and do not tell my daughter what to do; when I told you to have the conversation with your brother not me; and when I told you to stay out of my family operations. How we run our household is none of your business and I will thank you to remember that.
    via u/Tinkerpro
  • 18
    Environmental_Art591 I find it hilarious that they claimed OP was undermining them when that is exactly what they were trying to do to OP with her daughter. My apology would be "im sorry for not allowing you to undermine me in my house with my family."
    via u/Environmental_Art591
  • 19
    Itchy Doggg NTA. A mother can't undermine her daughter's aunts, but aunts can sure as h I undermine her parenting. They were confused by the idea of you being in charge of your own home, since they see your husband as subordinate to them by age and you subordinate to him for whatever reason.
    via u/ItchyDoggg
  • 20
    Careful-Bumblebee-10 ΝΤΑ "Undermining" implies they have some sort of authority over your daughter. They do not. Your husband is a doormat.
    via u/Careful-Bumblebee-10
  • 21
    Shdfx1 NTA. Your husband is kind of a weenie. Tell your in-laws, "I invited you to stay as guests in my home, only for you to ambush me and disparage how I run my household. When I stopped you from
    via u/Shdfx1
  • 22
    turning on my daughter, you ran to my husband and tried to create marital problems, while a guest in my home. Do you seriously have no idea how bad this makes you look? You will not be staying here again in future."
    via u/Shdfx1
  • 23
    Tell your husband, "I find it very unattractive for a man to refuse to shield his wife, and demand I submit to buying from your family. You need to pick a side, so I can evaluate the health of this relationship."
    via u/Shdfx1
  • 24
    daveescaped Your husband has the ideal setup. You defended your marriage which is nice for him and then he gets to throw you under the bus, blame you and look like the Nice Guy. Very un-manly of him. His sisters aren't the problem. You handled them VERY well. He's the problem.
    via u/daveescaped
  • 25
    Voltes Voltron NTA - The absolute entitled arrogance of the SILS. Staging and 'intervention' to change something that works for you?
    via u/VoltesVoltron
  • 26
    The fact the got mad that you were undermining them tells me how clueless they are. They were trying to undermine you in front of your daughter and got shut down. As they should have been. What they are upset about is that you didn't just roll over to their unreasonableness are seeing that as an attack.
    via u/VoltesVoltron
  • 27
    Tell your husband that his sisters should be nicer to you if they were nicer there wouldn't have been a - need for you to push back.
    via u/VoltesVoltron

Tags

family drama toxic mother Female Empowerment Misogyny reddit story relationships parenting husband sister in law raising teens love reddit thread daughter Reddit
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