Family expects 34-year-old daughter to become mom's caretaker since she's the only girl among four siblings, daughter stands up for herself: ‘I have my own life’

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Apr 14, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Like it or not, when you're growing up with siblings, you are constantly finding yourself in competition with them, one way or another. It could be competition for your parents' attention, competition to be the best student, or even competition to be the sibling that wins the most competitions (iykyk). There are endless ways in which you can compare yourself to your siblings.

If there is one thing parents should actively not compare their children by, it is their gender. Siblings should never feel like they are capable of different things just because they have different genders. Competition can be healthy, but if you make your kids feel like they have uneven starting points because of how they are born, then they will never be able to forget it. They will carry it for the rest of their lives.

To grow up in a family in which you are the only girl among three brothers, like the woman in the story below, must not be easy. Especially when your mother treats you differently because of it.

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  • Not only is the woman here treated differently because of her gender, but the family's expectations of her are completely different, and completely unfair, if you ask me.

    What are the family's expectations? Scroll down to read the full story to find out.

  • "I'm not planning to become your caretaker"
    via Luana Freitas

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I (34F) have three older brothers. Growing up, it was always expected that I'd help my mom with things around the house while my brothers got to play or relax. I didn't
    via [deleted]
  • think much of it as a kid - it was just "how things were." But as I got older, I started to notice a pattern. My mom constantly relied on me for emotional support, household
    via [deleted]
  • help, and later, even financial assistance, while my brothers were treated like golden children who couldn't do anything wrong.
    via [deleted]
  • Now, our mom (68F) has some health issues that are progressing. Nothing urgent yet, but she's starting to talk about needing someone to move in with her or her
    via [deleted]
  • moving in with someone. At dinner a few weeks ago, she said in front of everyone - "Well, obviously [my name] will take care of me when the time comes." Everyone kind of
    via [deleted]
  • nodded and laughed like it was already decided. I sat there in disbelief. None of my brothers even flinched. I finally spoke up and said, "Actually, I don't think that's
    via [deleted]
  • fair. I love you, Mom, but I have my own life and I'm not planning to become your caretaker." She looked shocked and asked, "If not you, then who?" I said, "You have three other children. It's
    via [deleted]
  • not just on me because I'm the daughter." Now she's been cold toward me, calling me ungrateful and saying I'm abandoning her after everything she's done for
    via [deleted]
  • me. One of my brothers told. me I was "harsh" and should've just agreed and figured it out later. But I feel like if I don't speak up now, it'll become my full responsibility without
    via [deleted]
  • discussion — just like everything else has always been. So, AITA for telling my mom I'm not going to be her automatic caretaker just because I'm the only daughter?
    via [deleted]
  • Cheezburger Image 10493629952
    via shironosov

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • RJack151 NTA. Ask her why you should be grateful for shouldering the burden when there are 3 others that can share the burden.
    via RJack151
  • You have been discriminated against your whole life by her, there is nothing to be thankful about.
    via RJack151
  • RosabelleMoon_ NTA. You're setting a boundary that's long overdue. Caregiving should be a shared family responsibility, not just dumped on you because of your gender. Speaking up now is the only way to stop history from repeating itself.
    via RosabelleMoon_
  • hobbit_mama I wish the entire planet had a spine like yours. Well done my dear.
    via hobbit_mama
  • Lann42016 NTA "I've helped you all these years so maybe you're the ungrateful one mom and now it's someone else's turn.
    via Lann42016
  • Fennicular NTA and good on you for setting that boundary clearly and promptly. Stick to it, OP.
    via Fennicular
  • erickaxx01 NTA. You're not your mom's retirement plan, and it's not your job to bear the emotional and physical burden just because of your gender. If your
    via erickaxx01
  • brothers can sit there and laugh while she volunteers you, that's a them problem, not yours. You set a boundary, and it's long overdue. Don't let guilt override your right to live your own life.
    via erickaxx01

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family drama aita baby care kids mother siblings reddit story parenting family sister daughter retirement Reddit women parents children brothers Father
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