Frugal woman skips out on sister’s luxury wedding at exclusive resort, sister accuses her of “ruining” her wedding and being selfish: “Find a way”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Apr 20, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Everyone loves weddings. The convivial atmosphere, the food, dancing, open bar, and who can forget the fact that we've all gathered to celebrate the love and eternal ties of this beautiful couple. Seeing your friends and family happy makes you happy. The indelible wedding traditions like catching the bouquet or picking the couple up in chairs is unforgettable. The only problem with weddings is when things go badly. 

Though weddings are a day of fun and celebration on the outside, on the inside they could be riddled with tension, drama, and unpleasant family dynamics. Your aunt Susie has always had beef with Grandma Margaret. And Uncle Castro basically swore off ever speaking to his ex-wife Clarissa again, yet they're forced to be in the same vicinity. Besides family feuds, weddings are also expensive. They're known to break the bank, not just for the happy couple but for their guests as well. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a woman whose sister is getting married. This isn't some casual backyard wedding either, it's a destination wedding at an expensive and high-end resort. The lavish wedding isn't going to pay for itself, and the protagonist refuses to cough up the dough. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for skipping my sister’s destination wedding because I can’t justify the cost?

    "Family should make sacrifices"
    via Tamara Velazquez from Studio Spain / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My sister is planning a destination wedding at a very high-end resort, and while I care about her deeply and want to be there for her big day, the truth is - I just can't afford it. Between flights, hotel, and everything else involved, the cost is way outside my budget. When I told her I
    via u/Ferregato

  • Both sisters have a point. Obviously one sister can't go if she can't afford it, but at the same time it's pretty wild not to attend your own sister's wedding. Instead of saying a flat no, maybe the parents can help pay for the protagonist to go, or maybe the sister herself?

  • 03
    wouldn't be able to swing it, she said I should "find a way" because it's a once in a lifetime moment and family should make sacrifices. And while I get that it's an important day for her, I don't think it's fair to expect everyone to go into financial stress just to attend. To complicate things, I did come into a bit of extra money
    via u/Ferregato
  • 04
    recently nothing life changing, but enough that I could technically use it to go. But my priority has been putting that toward something more long term, like paying off debt or building an emergency fund. I'm trying to make better financial choices, and flying out for a luxury wedding I can't really afford doesn't fit into
    via u/Ferregato
  • 05
    that plan. Now my sister thinks I'm being selfish and letting her down, but I honestly feel like she's being unreasonable. I've tried to be supportive in other ways, but she's clearly upset I won't be there in person. So, AITAH for not attending her wedding even though I technically could if I chose to use that extra money? |
    via u/Ferregato
  • 06
    feel torn between guilt and the need to protect my financial well being, and I'm not sure if I'm being unfair.
    via u/Ferregato
  • 07
    wwwwwww
    via ventdusud from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    Salty Thing3144 • 21h ago NTA. Any couple that has a destination wedding should be prepared to accept that some people, including family, will not be able to make the trip. It is a lot to ask.
    via u/Salty Thing3144
  • 09
    • ghjkl098 21h ago NTA If as a bride and groom if you choose a destination wedding, part of that decision is graciously accepting that some people simply won't be there. If
    via u/ghjkl098
  • 10
    everyone's attendance was important they wouldn't choose a destination wedding
    via u/ghjkl098
  • 11
    tuppence063 • 21h ago If sister wants you there sister will have to pay all your costs. Everything including hotel stay and food, maybe not clothes and spending money.
    via u/tuppence063
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10496093184
    via Carsten Vollrath from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    Ferregato OP • 20h ago Wow thank you all so much for the thoughtful comments and support. I was honestly feeling pretty conflicted about this, but seeing so many people validate that it's okay to prioritize financial stability over social
    via u/Ferregato
  • 14
    expectations really means a lot. I love my sister, but I need to be realistic about what I can and can't afford. Appreciate this community for helping me feel less alone in this!
    via u/Ferregato
  • 15
    Trembleblush ⚫ 18h ago I hate how ppl make u feel guilty for not being able to afford luxury sh they chose. like just bc u technically can doesn't mean it's smart or right for u rn. debt doesn't disappear after the party ends Imao. she's allowed to
    via u/Trembleblush
  • 16
    be upset u won't be there but calling u selfish for not risking ur financial health is lowkey entitled af. u don't owe anyone ur savings.
    via u/Trembleblush
  • 17
    Square-Minimum... • 21h ago Remind her you send an invitation to a wedding, not a summons.
    via u/Square-Minimum-6042
  • 18
    Liss78 21h ago NTA • If you have a destination wedding, you need to realize. that people won't come because of the travel. Giving guilt trips is really behavior on her part.
    via u/Liss78
  • 19
    Vegetable-Cod-2... • 21h ago ΝΤΑ Honestly people that plan destination weddings should be aware that they are asking a lot and some people just can't afford it.
    via u/Vegetable-Cod-2340
  • 20
    They have to know some won't make it, and the 'find a way' sentiment is crazy, I'm not going into debt for your wedding ?!?!?!
    via u/Vegetable-Cod-2340
  • 21
    Op, I think you know that planning for your future is the best bet, so don't let her or anyone guilt you into thinking otherwise.
    via u/Vegetable-Cod-2340
  • 22
    Your sisters being incredibly entitled, to call you selfish for not wanting to blow your money on her and her wedding!
    via u/Vegetable-Cod-2340
  • 23
    Honestly I miss the good old days when all I had to go for wedding was take a day off and bring a blender!
    via u/Vegetable-Cod-2340
  • 24
    Electronic_Wait_7... • 20h ago NTA. Family should make sacrifices. Absolutely. So your sister should be willing to sacrifice her destination wedding for a local one, so all her family can attend. She could also sacrifice some of her own money and pay for you to attend if it's so important to her.
    via u/Electronic_Wait_7500
  • 25
    Anyone who is that comfortable spending YOUR money isn't worried about you.
    via u/Electronic_Wait_7500

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