Entitled mom tries to make 7-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter play with new sister-in-law's 3-year-old and 10-month-old, accuses her of being cold when they don't mix: 'I will not force my kid to be friends with anyone'

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    AITAH for telling my brother's girlfriend she can't expect me to treat her kids like I treat mine and that she is not entitled to anything from us?

    I (32F) have two sons with my husband, a ten months and a 3 years old. I obviously love my kids but I don't really like other kids, especially kids I don't know well. I am just not the maternal type that will want to interact with other kids or find them cute or whatever. My brother has been dating his girlfriend Natalie (31F) and she has 2 kids as well: 7M and 5F. When we first met Natalie she seemed excited that I have kids and started planning how our kids will bond and play together. This di
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    Despite our kids clearly not blending well, I would say we were nice towards Natalie and her kids. Last Christmas for example (the first Christmas since they got together) we gave gifts to her kids when we met at my parents' place for dinner and I thought that was enough. However Natalie decided to confront me on things I apparently did. wrong and hurt her feelings. She mentioned: ⚫ I do not show a special interest in her kids that will potentially become my niece and nephew in the future. ⚫ I r
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    I explained to her that I can't and will not force my kid to play or be friends with anyone. I also said that I am not comfortable having her kids in my house without her present. I do not know her kids that well, I have no idea how they behave outside of the few family settings that we have all attended and I don't want to be responsible for two stranger kids in my house. On the coldness side, I explained to her that I am not cold on purpose but this is how I am as a person. I am not a kids fan
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    In the end we were not getting anywhere so I told her "Look Natalie. You started dating my brother 1 year ago, my parents and I had a couple of meetings with you and your kids and everyone was nice to all of you. I don't know what your problem is but you need to speak to my brother. No one is excluding your kids but you can't expect us to treat your kids the same as mine. This is never going to happen. My kids are my kids, they don't owe anything to yours and you are not entitled to anything fro
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    My brother apologized for her and mentioned to me she sound like a mad woman, focused on the absurd "differences" she sees when it comes to our kids. He agrees our parents are not doing anything wrong and that I am not doing anything wrong. He knows me and he is aware I am not doing anything on purpose. He said that Natalie has been crying after our discussion and while he agrees with me he asked me if I can try being more empathetic towards her feelings. I told him that I am polite to her but s
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    Commenters assured her that she wasn't in the wrong.

    TheRoadkillRapunzel NTA. She was hoping to leave them with you for date nights and weekends away. You just slaughtered that dream and she's not happy.
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    Scorp128 It is not your responsibility to manage and placate the feelings of a grown woman whose expectations do not match reality. Its ks that brother has to deal with the fallout, but that is his CHOICE. He needs to figure out how to shut down her minipulation tactics if he wants to have a relationship with her.
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    itslunaslife NTA. You're not obligated to treat your brother's girlfriend's kids the same as your own, especially if you don't have a close bond or haven't been given a reason to. It's one thing to be kind and inclusive when possible but expecting equal treatment and acting entitled to it crosses a line. It's your family, your boundaries, and your resources. She doesn't get to dictate how you use them.
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    ParticularPath7791 NTA. I only like my kids and my besties kids. All other kids get on my nerves. I will be nice to them but I'm not a let me hold the baby or host a playdate type of person. I will also not fawn over any goblins.
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    Humble_Suit_2402 NTA. These boundaries are totally fair. Natalie seems to have unrealistic expectations, especially this early into the relationship. It's not cruel to protect your space or prioritize your own kids. Empathy doesn't mean sacrificing honesty or comfort. She may be hurting, but that doesn't make her entitled to your energy or parenting style.
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    I_wanna_be_anemone Sounds like this woman is dating your brother specifically to have an 'instant' family as opposed to actually loving him to build a life with him. Thats not stable. All your brother can commit to in a relationship is himself, he can't promise anything on behalf of other people, blod related or not. Relationships take time and effort to build. Reminds me of the thread on BORU where brothers wife insisted on calling FIL 'dad' despite him and the rest of brothers family saying th
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    Winternin My brother is lost, he does not know how to manage this madness I know how to handle it. You drop the madness, like any reasonable person would. This woman is bad news and your brother is a fool to stay with her. You are definitely NTA and I commend you for the way you handled this!
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    MizWhatsit Beware people who rush into commitments and start acting like a spouse (and a very possessive spouse) after a short period of dating. There's always a reason why they're so needy and grasping. NTA
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    Existing_Try_2857 The really sad part is, the gf is not doing her children any favors. I wonder if she has a habit of trying to integrate her kids into any previous boyfriend's lives and family far too soon. The constant upheaval and new sets of "family" will wreck a kid. Introducing slowly and with intent is the only way not to hurt the child. She sounds like she needs to some therapy, especially where her kids are concerned. You are NTA. I will be curious for an update about how long this rela
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    BestAd5844 She wants an instant family / babysitter
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    Select Hovercraft839 NTA. Reasonable boundaries were stated and need to respected. I was the same way with my kids, loved them to the moon and back, but have a low tolerance for being around other people's kids. Besides, why get all entangled with a girlfriend and her kids? Her and your brother could end up breaking up next week or next month, who knows.
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    OkeyDokey654 NTA. At this age, a "play date without parents" is better known as babysitting.
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    GoodWin7889 She'll probably start on your parents next so you may want to give them an heads up. It does sound like she was looking forward to using you as an babysitter. Your parents are next up to bat!
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    whodidthat1878 I don't know why so many people expect us to like every kid on the planet. I like my kid and my best friend's kids because they are hers. I will be nice to kids but doesn't mean I really want to be around them or babysit them.
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    WomanInQuestion NTA - this woman has lost the plot. She's either delusional or entitled and I'm not sure which.
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    GoodGrief9317 To me, she seems like she has a desire for Instagram family moments for her kids that she didn't have as a child herself. Almost like she expects these things to grow instantly instead of organically. And that she sabotages any chance of organically grown relationships by her impatience to see them develop in her unrealistic timeframe. It is sad actually. It reminds me of a post about a woman who became unglued because she desired family so much she pushed them all away, including
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    TA122278 She was looking for you, and probably your parents, to be her go-to babysitter. That's why she's ped you haven't "bonded" with her kids. If she was just looking for inclusion she would be fine being invited over as a family (her, kids, brother), but that's not what she wants. She's quite entitled to come right out and say that she expects you to have her kids over without her present. Your brother chose a crazy gf, let him deal with her.
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    NTA. Alert-Persimmon7905 I like kids in general on top of having 2 of my own. I wouldn't be comfortable having kids over at that age when I don't know them, and they don't know me., without a parent there. And as a parent, I wouldn't have my kids over at someone's house at that age, without previous experiences. Seems fishy.

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