Entitled family expects 29-year-old cousin's fiancé to pay for a dinner they were not invited to, she scolds him when he refuses: "[She said I] made the family feel unwelcome"

Advertisement
  • 01

    AITAH for asking my fiancée relatives to pay for themselves after they brought uninvited guests to our pre-wedding dinner?

    "She said I turned a family dinner into a "power move" over money."
  • 02
    I (30M) am engaged to my fiancée (29F), and we're getting married this fall. Last weekend, we hosted a small pre-wedding dinner. Just a chill evening for our immediate families to meet, talk and celebrate a bit before the real wedding chaos begins.
  • 03
    Total Budget VENUE Ceremony Reseption Catering Wedding BUDGET RLANNER Rehearsal Dinner VENDORS Photographer Vidiographer DI Singer & Planast JEWELRY Wedding Band Husband's Ring ATTIRE Dress Suit Groomsman Ties Boutonnieres Hat & Makeup STATIONARY Invites Programs Thank You Cand Table Numbers Gift Box DECORATIONS
  • 04
    We reserved a table at a mid-range restaurant we both like (good food, not crazy expensive). We confirmed 14 guests: our parents, siblings plus two friends from the wedding party. Everything was set.
  • 05
    I even called ahead to double-check the headcount. We show up and her family brings four extra people: her cousin and his wife (who were "visiting anyway"), her sister's boyfriend, and (weirdly?..) his teenage daughter. They said it was last-minute and "hope that's okay".
  • 06
    The staff were gracious, though somewhat surprised. They had to push another table over and reshuffle the whole seating plan. We ended up waiting around 15 minutes, apologizing to the servers. Not a disaster, but definitely awkward.
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10513600256
  • 08
    Dinner itself was fine. Everyone had a good time. We had mains, some shared appetizers, a few bottles of wine, nothing too wild. But when the check came, it was a bit over $850. We'd expected around $650 based on the confirmed guests and menu.
  • 09
    So, I quietly asked the server to split the extras' meals from the rest. I paid for the 14 we planned for. The extra $200 from the uninvited guests? I felt ~ that wasn't really on us, lol. Everyone paid without
  • 10
    fuss, but her cousin seemed confused. Her sister didn't say anything at the time, but later my fiancée told me she felt embarrassed and that I made her family feel unwelcome. She said I "could have just
  • 11
    let it go for one night" and brought it up later. I said I didn't want to pretend everything was fine while people ignore basic plans we made together. She said it felt like I turned a family dinner into a "power move" over money. Now things are somewhat weird between us... So, AITAH?
  • 12
    ED 1205284
  • 13
    No-Cost-2668 "I'm not paying $200 dollars for people who weren't invited" ΝΤΑ
  • 14
    TheDevilFrog- "You turned it into a power play!" "Have a GOOD cry and maybe you'll feel better!!"
  • 15
    ElectricalFocus560 This. Almost 100% people who complain, gaslight and guilt trip are projecting themselves onto the OP. I Have a sister (a lawyer of all things) who accuses me of things that it would never occur to me to do. But I now know that she would or has done
  • 16
    privacy6310 NTA I think you handled it well. In what world is it socially acceptable to show up to a hosted dinner with 4 uninvited guests? The fact they didn't offer to pay for them is an additional level of rudeness.
  • 17
    HeWhoSoughtTheFire OP Thanks! Yeah, I mean it's not THAT a big deal but still a bit weird
  • 18
    sequingoddess Your fiance should be embarrassed that her family turned the dinner into a weird "power move" over your money
  • 19
    Shadow4summer Why didn't his fiance pay up if she didn't want to be embarrassed? No, you do not pay for uninvited guests. Fiancé is the a hole.
  • 20
    Snoo-77094 NTAH. It's uncouth to show up to a dinner uninvited and expect the host to pay for said dinner at a restaurant. The first thing I would have said if I brought an uninvited guest right after asking if it's
  • 21
    okay would have been to say don't worry I'll cover their meal. It's not a free-for-all, and how do they know how much you had budgeted for the meal? There's a head count for a reason and then a confirmation of the headcount for a reason.
  • 22
    JazzlikeGolf08 Exactly this. Basic etiquette 101 if you bring extra people, you offer to cover them. It's not a potluck where surprise guest are fine. Budgeting matters, especially with weddings coming up.
  • 23
    Swankestcoot5 NTA, this is YOUR wedding, pre or not. You did not send invitations out to this family, so they weren't invited. They could have easily called you ahead of time to tell you about this and you and her could have discussed whether or not you are comfortable with it.
  • 24
    Tired_Mama3018 NTA - but you might want to check with your fiancée if she okayed the extra people. She should be embarrassed of her family for being entitled and not you. This is giving me aura of "sure you can bring them, he won't care" and being embarrassed that you did indeed care.
  • 25
    zenFieryrooster This. Fiancée sounds like a doormat and expected OP to cough up the extra money. If she stays ped at OP, they need a serious chat before they get married
  • 26
    urfavgeeksfavgeek I thought the same thing when the cousin seemed confused. They were probably invited and told it was covered.
  • 27
    Zealousideal Adagio58 NTA. Would they sit down at a random table and expect them to pay? No, It's r de.
  • 28
    TheDevil Frog- Honestly, they seem like buzzards....

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article