32-year-old brother goes back on decade-old promise to pay for little sister's wedding after she demands $30,000, she flips when he offers $5,000 as a compromise: "It was an emotional promise, not a legal contract"

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jun 18, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

We've all made promises we couldn't keep. It's easy to say that you will commit to something when you are in the heat of the moment, only to realize later that you feel differently now or your circumstances have changed, making it impossible to make due on a promise. A while ago, I promised a friend that I would make her a lasagna for her birthday. However, when the day came, my oven decided to call it quits. I only realized when I went to pre-heat it. We ended up going out for her birthday dinner, but I felt pretty bad for hyping her up for her favorite dish.

In our story today, a young man, feeling at the top of the world with unprecedented success from a startup, promises his sister that he will pay for her wedding. A decade later, she hasn't forgotten. Despite knowing that he is not in the same financial situation as he once was, she expects him to cover the five-figure wedding that she has been planning since he made the promise. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for refusing to pay for my sister's wedding even though I promised to years ago?

    "She told everyone her big brother was paying"
    via pixelshot

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    When I (32M) was 23, I came into a bit of money from a tech startup I was part of. I wasn't rich by any means, but it was more than I ever thought I'd see at that age. Around that time, my little sister (now 29F)
    via u/KikiFlickerz
  • 03
    ec START VP
    via RDNE Stock project from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 04
    was going through a rough patch emotionally and financially, and I told her one day half joking, half serious "When you get married, I got you. I'll pay for it." At the time, she teared up and hugged me. She never forgot it.
    via u/KikiFlickerz
  • 05
    Fast forward to now, she's engaged and planning her wedding. She reminded me of that conversation and said she's started booking things venue, photographer, dress, etc. assuming I'd cover it.
    via u/KikiFlickerz
  • 06
    Here's the thing: I'm not in the same financial situation anymore. I left tech and now run a small business. Comfortable, but not flush. On top of that, I recently had a kid and bought a home with my
    via u/KikiFlickerz
  • 07
    partner. Money's tighter. When I told her I couldn't cover the whole wedding especially not the $30k+ she's planning she flipped. Said I "lied" and "used her emotions" back then.
    via u/KikiFlickerz
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10518870016
    via marchmeena29

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    I offered $5k to help, but she says that's insulting and "not what I promised." Now my parents are saying I've embarrassed her because she told everyone her big brother was
    via u/KikiFlickerz
  • 10
    paying. Some relatives think I should "honor my word" even if it's hard. My partner thinks it's ridiculous and says it was clearly an emotional promise, not a legal contract.
    via u/KikiFlickerz
  • 11
    So... AITAH for backing out of something I said I'd do years ago, or should I be held to it no matter what?
    via u/KikiFlickerz
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10518869760
    via omelnytskyi

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • It is absolutely wild that she took that promise so seriously and yet never considered to check in about how he felt about it.

  • 13
    NYCStoryteller NTA. You should tell her that if the goal was for you to "pay for her wedding" then she should have come to you before she started planning and asked you for the budget. When you said $5K, she could then make decisions accordingly.
    via u/NYCStoryteller
  • 14
    You don't owe her a fantasy princess wedding. Even a $5K contribution is generous from a sibling.
    via u/NYCStoryteller
  • 15
    One_Ad_704 Exactly! Perhaps OP thought $5k was enough for a wedding. No where does OP state that they provided a dollar amount for this wedding.
    via u/One_Ad_704
  • 16
    Child_of_the_Hamster Omg seriously. These wedding posts always make me feel like I'm on crazy pills. My whole wedding + reception was less than $5k. 10 years later, I wouldn't go back and change a thing.
    via u/Child_of_the_Hamster
  • 17
    Treehugger365247 Exactly. You didn't lie. She needs to ask you for a budget. Your budget is $5k, then she can have a $5k wedding that you pay for.
    via u/Treehugger365247
  • 18
    NTa Big_It Withdraw your offer of 5k and tell her to figure it out 100% now. She's a big girl, an adult even, and has to pay for sh. The promise was nearly a decade ago.
    via u/Big_It
  • 19
    LollipopHugz NTA. People make emotional promises all the time, especially in the context of family and during tender moments. Your life circumstances have changed, and she should've confirmed with you before
    via u/LollipopHugz
  • 20
    dropping 5-figures based on a decade-old half-joke. You're offering something, not abandoning her. She's acting entitled, and frankly, it's wild to assume someone owes you a wedding just because they once said something nice during a rough patch.
    via u/LollipopHugz

  • She has major entitlement issues. Her family's reaction to our protagonist's genuine inability to afford such a wedding proves that they created this monster. 

  • 21
    Glittering Advisor19 Totally agree. OP's sister doesn't seem to have any self respect because otherwise she would never have assumed or expected anything from OP now. He is married with a kid and has responsibilities now.
    via u/Glittering_Advisor19
  • 22
    rak1882 Sister, I didn't lie. I will pay for your wedding. As long as your wedding costs $5k.
    via u/rak1882
  • 23
    Do I think people should make large promises without thinking them thru? No, but I'm realistic, sometimes you mean it when you make the promise but life happens.
    via u/rak1882
  • 24
    And realistically, even if you were still in the situation to pay whatever for a wedding- your sister needed to come to you and go "hey, a decade ago, you said
    via u/rak1882
  • 25
    you'd pay for my wedding. what's my budget?" just cause someone promised to pay for your wedding, doesn't mean they promised you an open wallet. It just means they promised to pay for the officiant and the wedding license.
    via u/rak1882
  • 26
    Your sister decided to start planning the wedding, create a budget and than go- I don't understand why you won't pay for things when I spent your money without telling you.
    via u/rak1882

Tags

relationship advice family drama bride groom AITAH promise wedding drama siblings relationships wedding entitled family sister entitled people
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