Nosy boyfriend dumps girlfriend after completely misreading financial spreadsheet, she refuses to take him back when he realizes she isn't in debt: "Receiving an ultimatum without hearing me out was a deal breaker"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jun 20, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

While I'm sure we all place a lot of importance in education, I think we can all admit that we learned some pretty unnecessary information during our childhood. While there is some value in getting kids to use the logical part of their brain to solve math problems or to expand their vocabulary with an English class, plenty of schools put more of an emphasis on the "core" subjects – Math, English, Science, and History – than on skills that will help them later in adulthood to be responsible citizens. In my opinion, a personal finance class should be just as mandatory as Algebra I for graduation.

In our story today, a young woman has figured out an incredibly effective way to take care of her finances. She's a total Excel wiz and has even helped her friends manage their money though her system. Her boyfriend – or rather, ex-boyfriend – is not the brightest tool in the shed, and upon finding her spreadsheets, completely misreads it and convinces himself that she is severely in debt. 

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  • 01

    AITA for "letting" my Ex-BF dump me when he thought I had massive debt?

    "[He said] he couldn't stay with me if I was going to be irresponsible"
    via Elnur

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I have been keeping an excel workbook for years that I use to organize my personal finances. Every month it shows the "total" expenses, "total paid" and "total remaining." It's not only helpful for budgeting and remembering when stuff is due but
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 03
    also removed a ton of anxiety I have around money and the nightmares I used to have that I would forget to pay something important - I used to have panic attacks, but they were cured by Excel!
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 04
    Every month I put about half the money I make into savings (IRA, HSA, Vacation Savings, Quarterly Tax Savings, and Emergency Fund).
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 05
    My only debt is about $500 of a surprise $1500 vet bill and my car loan which has a payment of $200 per month and which will be paid off next year. I could pay off the car and vet right now but having an emergency cushion that could pay all my bills for 3-5 months makes me feel safe.
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 06
    I give myself a weekly allowance of $150 that I can spend however I want (dates, movies, going out with friends, etc.).
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 07
    Since my ex and I were becoming a little more serious after 6 months, we had a discussion where we decided that if things progressed our finances would be separated and if we moved together, we would both pay half of all expenses. This would save us both a lot of money monthly.
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 08
    Well, he used my laptop, where I keep the Excel document minimized. He accidentally brought it up and here is where the conflict began.
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 09
    I put everything on my credit card every month. I really want to be able to travel and getting Mile Rewards is the only way I can justify the expensive flights to the places I really want to explore. I put
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 10
    everything - rent, groceries, gas, utilities, even my quarterly taxes on it. Last year I was even able to redeem a ticket for a friend to go with me to France. I covered all the flights as well as half the Airbnb.
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 11
    M- 4.020,62 3.383,56 35,89 306,54 2.011,31 M+ 54,04 4.515,96 8,82 7.819,43 * 12 1.987,03 2 8.927,84 5 9.846,30 2.967,61 6,84 8.098,83 86,38 5.836,68 7.184,50 5.096,03 6.356,92 9.889,77 5.620,37 2.253,22 5.024,55 4.792,76 5.637,56 5.917,43 2.173,20 9.429,88 1.196.35
    via xfigiro

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    I can't put the car payment or vet bill on the card but everything else goes on my miles card - which I then pay off a couple days after paying my bills when the balance settles. I put the amount that
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 13
    would generally equal my credit card balance after paying bills in the spreadsheet as well - mainly as a reminder to pay the balance because I'm paranoid that I'll forget to pay it one month (remember, this is a therapeutic spreadsheet).
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 14
    However, he saw all my expenses laid out and the "total" at the bottom and thought my expenses were nearly double what they are, since the "total" includes the credit card payment. I guess he also assumed that the credit card payment was the monthly payment or something which would have made the balance insane.
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 15
    He also noted that I had "Macy's" "VS Secret" and "Best Buy" lines in the spreadsheet and he assumed I had maxed out retail cards (although the amount to pay was at zero, I just leave them to remind me of the due date is in case I use them to get something discounted).
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 16
    So he stewed on it for a few days, and then sat me down, said that he had been thinking about what he found, and told me that he couldn't stay with me if I
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 17
    was going to be irresponsible - and that if I didn't start calling every credit card I had right then in front of him to cancel, and shred the cards in front of him, then he would break up with me. He kept
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 18
    talking over me about it, I tried to tell him about my savings and the fact that my actual debt was less than $4000. He didn't believe me, called me a liar and said he couldn't trust me, so he dumped me.
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 19
    Cheezburger Image 10519589888
    via Elnur

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 20
    I cried with some friends who were shocked since I have sat down with several of them who have asked, to help set up a similar system of their own to help pay down debt and start saving. I guess the
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 21
    truth got back to him. He was mad that I "let" him break up with me. Even though he makes more than me, I am much better off than him apparently, and he is really upset since if we moved in together, I
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 22
    would have been completely capable of covering my half and he would have liked that I had a pretty large chunk in savings. I had also told him I would get us both tickets to Italy for our 1-year anniversary.
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 23
    I honestly don't know if I am TA or not. I could have explained the situation more clearly and calmly and been a little more forthcoming and transparent with my finances from the start. However, the moment I
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 24
    was confronted I felt completely blindsided, I felt like my privacy had been violated, and I felt that receiving an ultimatum without even hearing me out was a deal breaker for me. But now my friends are
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 25
    expressing that I may be passing up a nice guy over a misunderstanding, and that if his assumptions were correct, he would have been right. I feel like I don't want to spend time with someone who would talk to me that way but maybe I should work a little harder to make it work. AITA?
    via u/gjrunner5

  • Our protagonist is right to not want to get back with this man. Not only is he incapable of interpreting data, but he refused to believe or listen to her when she tried to explain herself. He had to be convinced by someone else. That's not the start of a healthy relationship.

  • 26
    Cheezburger Image 10519589632
    via PrathanChorruangsak

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 27
    sooner-1125 Do you want to commit to a guy who can't read an excel doc?
    via u/sooner-1125
  • 28
    OrangeChocoTuesday Can't read excel AND delivers ultimatums. Looks like a guy with upper management written all over him
    via u/OrangeChocoTuesday
  • 29
    Icy_Secretary9279 Right? Me and my emotional suppost Excels are sitting here like... Not to generalize too much but is highly unlikely someone has bouth very irresponsible money habits AND a spreadsheet. You have either one or the other.
    via u/Icy_Secretary9279
  • 30
    littlescreechyowl Or one that thinks immediately closing credit cards is a good idea??
    via u/littlescreechyowl
  • 31
    FatMasterChamp NTA and you dodged a real bullet. You can't build a life with someone whose first instinct is to accuse you and dump you.
    via u/FatMasterChamp
  • 32
    You told him the truth. He REFUSED to believe you. Do you realize how f ed up that is? If my husband found something like this and misunderstood, he wouldn't even dream of doing this. He would simply want to discuss it with me.
    via u/FatMasterChamp
  • 33
    His reaction tells you everything you need to know about him. He's just mad now because you could be paying half the bills and he could be saving more money. Don't even think about going back to this guy.
    via u/FatMasterChamp
  • 34
    gjrunner5 OP I think part of the reason I didn't defend myself as well as I could have is because I was raised in a household where money was a very taboo subject. My parents were very frugal and didn't believe in talking about money at all. Whenever I wanted to ask for a price my dad would say "If you have to ask, you can't afford it."
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 35
    Having said that, my parents were generous with me, they taught me good money habits. But growing up tail-end of the depre s on (both of my parents were older when they had me) they had a value that talking about money might embarrass someone or make people think you felt you were better than them.
    via u/gjrunner5
  • 36
    Cool_Ad_59 You saved yourself from a partner who cannot handle adult discussions and may leave you at the drop of a hat. He also doesn't have personal introspection or accountability.
    via u/Cool_Ad_59

Tags

boyfriend relationship advice break up AITAH relationships girlfriend finances debt couples exes love microsoft breakup money toxic relationship dating
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