Pregnant mom expects best friend to use her PTO to be a free live-in maid post-pregnancy despite husband having taken paternity leave to stay at home: "I"m not willing to support her and her husband"

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to be an unpaid maid for my BFF?

    "I can do a meal or two, but I'm not cleaning your bathroom"
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    I was planning to fly over and help my BFF kick labour into action the two weeks running up to her due date. I had planned to help out with the school run of her two other kids, take my bff on long walks and catch up on some good old British TV all day whilst they were at school.
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    At her hospital appointment on Monday she found out she needs to have the baby via C section, two weeks early. So about 24-48hrs after i get through her door.
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    She called me all apologetic, I said yeah not ideal, there would be no TV anymore but I can at least help my bff with er two oldest whom I love. She said yeah "you'd need to have main responsibility for the household cleaning, dishes, cooking, hoovering etc"
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    I said nah, I can do a meal or two, wash up after a meal or two but I'm not cleaning your bathroom or your kitchen on my holiday with my own home | could clean when your husband is also there. (Two weeks paternity leave)
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    She got very upset with me, said that my pride is in the way of helping her, that I'm not willing to support both her and her husband. Said her expectations of me were to clean and look after the
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    kids, and her expectations of her husband was to bond with the new one and IF he had time/energy for him to help me a bit with the housework, and if I wasn't willing to do that she'd refund my flight ticket.
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    Am I the or what? Is this normal expectation, should I still go and be the BFF she needs? Am I wrong for feeling like her expectations should be that her husband cleans THEIR house?
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    Am I wrong for thinking she should be grateful for the help I'm offering, not expect more from me than her husband whom she CHOSE to have three children with?
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    EDIT: I am English, when I use the word "holiday" it does not mean beach and hotel, it means the period of time when you are not at work, normally 4-6 weeks paid leave a year. Mine are usually used to help/visit my best friend.
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    I paid for the tickets (like I usually do) hence the word refund My flight is 2nd July. The original due date 19th July. My flight back 21st July.
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    I visited (hopefully visit doesn't mean the equivalent of holiday) three weeks before the previous child successfully. Best friend of over a decade, played at their wedding, given (and happily taken) title auntie by their first.
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    Help with the two children under ten - so that they got time to just focus on the new one. So that includes everything a child must do throughout the day, bedtime, food, homework, take them to activities, iron school uniform, pack and make lunches...those that know know.
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    I'd normally clean during the adverts, it's the expectation that is getting me turned upside down. And the fact there's no more TV time. AA
  • 17
    Frequent Plastic5475 There is no way I would play maid while her husband is there. Tell her to cancel that flight and you'll see them for a short visit when her husband is done bonding. NTA.
  • 18
    lifeBgivinlifeBtakin OP Yeah she has offered to refund my tickets, I said I'd help contribute towards a maid if she isn't able to find anyone willing to do the cleaning for her and her husband.
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  • 20
    CaptBlackfoot That's a sweet deal-take the offer and visit another time once they're settled. The messy house is not your problem to solve in any way.
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    lifeBgivinlifeBtakin OP Yeah but she's my bff. I just ain't down for clean the toilet each day after a grown man.
  • 22
    CaptBlackfoot If she's your BFF, for the love of God, take her offer and WAIT. By offering to pay you to not come, she's telling you not to come!
  • 23
    Faeling Jester She's having a newborn two weeks early. There isn't time for the holiday you had planned. You can either help or not go and not create more work for her
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    Ill_World_2409 Nah. There is a difference between helping out and being the main house cleaner and babysitter and cook
  • 25
    Practical_magik That's what helping looks like when a household has a brand new baby and other kids. The parents will be sleep deprived and exhausted, the older kids will be adjusting to life
  • 26
    with the new sibling and need support from their parents most likely not an aunt they rarely see, the support person is there to keep the house reasonably clean and keep everyone else fed. Otherwise their presence simply isn't that helpful.
  • 27
    serenityxfelice She didnt sing up for the "new baby help" but pre baby help so expecting her to help is wild since she wouldnt be there by the time baby is born. The mom should say that now since the plan changed she doesn't have to come anymore not drop "now you need to be my maid" on her.
  • 28
    BrightSpoon88 YTA Staying with a friend for two weeks immediately after they give birth is NOT a vacation. If that's what you're after, go someplace else. Both parents will need help. And lots of it. That means cooking, cleaning, helping with the two eldest. Reschedule your trip.
  • 29
    HL1203 Thats why they had originally booked the trip for BEFORE the baby was due. I dont think they're the ahle for not wanting to play maid on what was originally supposed to be a easy vacation
  • 30
    DiversMum NTA take the refund she offers. You're helping her with the kids, her husband is not a child to be looked after
  • 31
    Shalarean NTA because you expected to help them, not be the help. I'd expect both of them to be contributing something to home care...her less, for obvious reasons, but why does the dad not plan on stepping up during her time of need? Why is it all falling into you? That's ridiculous.

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