31-year-old helps new mom friend care for her newborn twins every day for 2 weeks, mom freaks out when friend's husband says she's too sick to help: 'I didn’t forbid her from going. I just protected her when she was too tired to stand up for herself.

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jun 22, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

There's an art to asking somebody for help. If you have to ask a friend to do you arduous favors for free on a nearly constant basis, then you probably need to hire someone to help you. It's one thing if you've agreed on a schedule and your friend or loved one isn't pressured into doing constant favors for you. For example, if you know you'll be watching your brother's kids four days a week from 5:00 PM to 9:00 PM, you can plan accordingly. You can still have a social life and run errands if you know exactly when you'll be needed. But if your brother is calling you five times a week at all hours of the day begging for you to watch his kids because if you don't, nobody else will, that is way too much to handle. It's not right to disrespect others' time in that manner. 

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to send my wife over to her friend’s house to take care of her newborn twins again?

    So, I (31M) and my wife (31F) have been married for a few years now. We don't have kids of our own yet, but one of her close friends, let's call her M, recently gave birth to twins.
    via u/bbhbubkleupp

  • The mom in this story needs a nanny. She has asked her friend to come over and help with her twins every day for two weeks. When her friend couldn't come over one day because she was sick, she started talking smack about her and her husband to their other friends.

  • 02
    M is in a rough spot financially. Her husband works a ton like 8+ hour shifts, sometimes out till 3AM. Her MIL is too old to help (and has some health issues too), so my wife has basically been playing part-time nanny for free.
    via u/bbhbubkleupp
  • 03
    Cheezburger Image 10519694080
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 04
    She's been going over almost every day for two weeks straight to help with the babies and even feeding them, helping clean the house, everything.
    via u/bbhbubkleupp
  • 05
    And I get it newborns are hard, especially twins. And M needs help. But my wife was running herself into the ground. One day she came home looking completely wiped. I asked if she was okay and at first, she brushed it off. But when I pressed a little, she admitted her stomach was killing her.
    via u/bbhbubkleupp
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10519695616
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    That kind of set me off a bit. I told my wife to rest and take a nap. She left her phone in the living room and around two hours later like 6PM, M called. I picked up. Greeted her. Asked how the twins were.
    via u/bbhbubkleupp
  • 08
    V
    via bruce mars

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    Then M asked if I could send my wife back over again to help with the babies. I told her no. Straight up. I said, "Look, I get it, you're overwhelmed, but my wife is sick right now. She has stomach pain and she's exhausted." I kept tone calm.
    via u/bbhbubkleupp
  • 10
    She pushed a bit more, asking if my wife could just come for a little while. I said, "Maybe ask someone else this time. She needs to rest. She's not doing well." M said okay and hung up.
    via u/bbhbubkleupp
  • 11
    Fast forward a week. My wife comes home, a little shaken. She says one of our mutual friends told her that M's been talking behind her back even calling me controlling, saying I "don't let her make her own decisions" and that my wife acts like "my puppet." Like... what?
    via u/bbhbubkleupp
  • 12
    First off, my wife makes her own decisions. I didn't forbid her from going. I just protected her when she was too tired to stand up for herself. And the wildest part? When I told her what happened after her nap, she actually thanked me for standing up for her and that she didn't want to go back to m's.
    via u/bbhbubkleupp
  • 13
    So now I'm left wondering: AITA for not sending my wife back over to help?
    via u/bbhbubkleupp
  • 14
    Chefnick500 NTA for sure.. there's a difference between helping out of kindness and being called for on demand... but you need to have a clear and frank conversation with your wife and her with M. To set boundaries, expectations and to reinforce your own relationship
    via u/Chefnick500
  • 15
    bbhbubkleupp OP Hey, thank you so much for your comment. My wife recently "came clean" (her words not mine) and told me about how M would constantly guilt trip her into staying for longer hours. This of course ped me off but my wife and I both knew this time that she needed to be the one and confront m, not just about the guilt tripping but also for the way she talked about me. Being called controlling definitely hurt but all I was trying to do was protect my wife. My wife isn't this soft usuall
    via u/bbhbubkleupp
  • 16
    neri2b Ok, guilty tripping is not caused by postpartum brain fog. You have to be a manipulative a already to do that. Of course, unless it stands for breaking into tears (read as uncontrollable hysterical outbursts) when someone is leaving room. That is not possible to stop and is in no way directed at the other person/cat/ dog or even pidggeon that was sitting on the window then gave you an stinky eye and flew away and now you are convinced he thinks you are a horrible mum
    via u/neri2b
  • 17
    bow3n u/bbhbubkleupp's wife has a narcissistic friend that found a people pleaser she can bu y into being her favorite victim. She needs to set strong boundaries now, M will narcissistic death spiral as a result though. "The talking sh" is the start of it usually. She's mad. Wife should probably cut this friend out of her life because of it too. If OP's wife isn't careful M's going to poison the well in regards to their entire friend group to try and ruin her marriage to keep her as a victim.
    via u/b0w3n
  • 18
    Salty_Interview_5311 I think it's okay to talk with his wife to give his viewpoint but she's an adult and should be trusted to set healthy boundaries herself. I suspect that being talked about being her back like this has drastically reduced her interest in helping. As in no way in h I until she gets an apology and a public renunciation of her accusations.
    via u/Salty_Interview_5311
  • 19
    IchPutzHierNurMkay Why would you leave an opening for them to get you to help out again after something like this? You have a general out now, use it. 'After how you treated my husband previously and gossiped behind my back for a week without trying to talk to me directly about your 'concerns' even once, after I helped you out nearly non-stop for weeks right up until that point, I simply do not feel comfortable with offering help again. Good luck.'
    via u/IchPutzHierNurMkay
  • 20
    FluffieBallz101 NTA your wife was clearly doing to much for someone who was taking advantage of your wife's kindness. you stood up for your wife and her health. life gets hard but m seems to really be struggling with money so why didn't she ask her own mother or other family to help out
    via u/FluffieBallz101
  • 21
    joolley 1 Or get her husband to help more. 8 hour days are pretty normal days, not so long that he can't help out at all. Many mothers and fathers work 8 hours then come home and look after the kids.
    via u/joolley1
  • 22
    Givemeallthecabbages I read that and was like ? You mean a normal shift? How is a dad working 40 hours a week and a stay home mom needing to work several friends to exhaustion? Dad gets home at 3 am? Perfect time for a bottle! Let Mom sleep.
    via u/Givemeallthecabbages
  • 23
    bbhbubkleupp OP It really pred me off, my wife was tired but she still helped and M and M just acted like a snake, it hurts to see this all because my wife really loved her as a friend but this friendship isn't doing her any justice so it's better to get away, she has plans to meet up with M a week or so later and while that she isn't going to M's house anymore to help out, so that's good.
    via u/bbhbubkleupp
  • 24
    Previous-Complex9357 You sound like a great husband & your wife is awesome. But now she needs to tell M no, she needs to calmly tell m no she 'can't come over, maybe x (fill in name of person she said sh to) can help. Also m probably doesn't need a puppet, she needs real help' That last part said dripping with sarcasm...M will know that she has been caught.
    via u/Previous-Complex9357
  • 25
    curious-by-moon What was M doing when your wife was run ragged? I bet she was resting. Helping with the twins does not mean cleaning the house, feeding the twins and doing all the chores. M had a good friend with your wife but she abused the friendship and her kindness. Even if M apologises your wife shouldn't go back. If she does M will see all her badmouthing her as winning her back. Other friends need to step up and have a taste of being free nanny and dogsbody. NTA. Kudos to you for protecti
    via u/curious-by-moon

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Babies bad friend entitled parents mother entitled parent friends friend entitled people karma newborns entitled caretaking twins newborn mom entitled people Father
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