17-year-old daughter refuses to play the role of big sister to dad's adopted 5-year-old son Mason, mom supports her decision to set boundaries against guilt-trip: "I don't want to fake enthusiasm I don't feel"

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 10, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

People have a tendency to romanticize and idealize sibling relationships. In most cases, the bond between siblings is strong and unbreakable — a built-in friendship, as they say. But this sort of bond is never a guarantee, even amongst biological siblings that grew up together since birth. The likelihood of raising two, lifelong besties is even smaller when the pair are step-siblings. Making two strangers live together and expecting them to be anything other than civil toward each other just because their parents got hitched is a pretty tall order.

Our story today is about a 17-year-old girl who is expected to fill the role of big sister to a complete stranger. The stranger in question is a 5-year-old boy that her divorced dad has just adopted with his husband, a man she barely knows beyond cordial, surface-level interactions. Unwilling to make false promises, she ignores the guilt trips from her father. 

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my dad I don't want to be involved with his adopted son?

    "I didn't feel comfortable being called a big sister"
    via VAWiley

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    My parents (41F, 46M) divorced when I was 11. It was pretty civil with no fighting and no custody battles. I ended up living with my mom full-time,
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 03
    mostly for school stability, and I visit my dad during holidays and breaks. We stay in touch with video calls and texts, but we're not super close. That's partly because a few years ago, he moved out of state after getting remarried.
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 04
    His husband, Taylor (29M), got a really good job offer in another state, and my dad decided to move with him. I understood it, even if it meant I'd see him
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 05
    less. Taylor has always been kind when I've visited, but we don't have much of a relationship beyond polite small talk and being in the same room.
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 06
    Recently, my dad told me that he and Taylor have been fostering a little boy. His name is Mason, he's 5, and they're going to adopt him later this year.
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 07
    Apparently, this has been in the works for a while, and Mason has even stayed with them on and off, but always at times when I wasn't there. I had no idea any of this was happening until they told me over a video call.
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10526950912
    via LSOphoto

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    They were excited and hopeful that I'd be involved; not just as a visitor, but as a big sister. But to be honest, I don't feel connected to this at all. I've
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 10
    never met Mason. I wasn't part of the conversation. It just feels like they've made this new chapter in their lives and assumed I'd naturally want to play a role in it.
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 11
    I told them I didn't really want to be involved. Not in a mean way, just honestly. I said I didn't feel comfortable being called a big sister to someone I've never even seen in person. It felt like they were expecting me to instantly adopt a relationship that doesn't exist yet.
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 12
    Since then, they've been sending me pictures of Mason and little updates. He apparently knows about me now and has been asking questions.
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 13
    They've shared his drawings, stories about him, etc. I've responded here and there but mostly left it alone. I don't want to be cold, but I also don't want to fake enthusiasm I don't feel.
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837

  • Dad's pressure for her to fill the Big Sis shoes is probably making her even less enthusiastic about it. Maybe if he'd let the relationship develop organically, the two would have a better chance at bonding. 

  • 14
    ठीक m
    via Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 15
    My mom says I don't owe anyone a performance, but that it wouldn't hurt to just be kind and polite when I visit this summer. That makes sense to me.
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 16
    I'm not mad at anyone. I'm not upset they're adopting. I just feel like I'm being forced to have a relationship with someone I wouldn't even know. AITA?
    via u/SaltyTelephone6837
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10526951168
    via fizkes

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 18
    WantToBelieveInMagic "Dad, at this time I'm just not interested in Mason, so you have to make sure you don't promise something about me that I don't intend to deliver. He's a little kid and deserves better than to be promised a sister that he isn't going to have."
    via u/WantToBelieveInMagic
  • 19
    National-Plastic8691 and figure out babysitting and other stuff... and convey intentions and boundaries before you get there... Edit: NTA
    via u/National-Plastic8691
  • 20
    Fresh-Scallion602 NOW this all makes sense!!! IMO, they are looking for a babysitter.
    via u/Fresh-Scallion602
  • 21
    National-Plastic 8691 people can build bridges when they want something from you and also sweet talk you when they romanticize "how things will be". it
    via u/National-Plastic8691

  • It's not fair that the dads are manipulating our protagonist by making false promises to their soon-to-be son. 

  • 22
    seems to me like OP's dad abandoned her to move away with his spouse and didn't work to keep a relationship going. He probably has unrealistic ideas and is going to blame OP for
    via u/National-Plastic8691
  • 23
    any relationship failures. OP will be a guest in a home with a young kid that she does not know. I honestly recommend going for a long holiday weekend and deciding how to proceed from there
    via u/National-Plastic8691
  • 24
    km4098 I'm adopted and this is the way. Don't promise something OP can't (and shouldn't be expected to deliver),
    via u/km4098
  • 25
    OP of course you don't feel anything for a random kid. That's fine. As other commenters have said, this is more about your relationship with your dad than a strange kid
    via u/km4098
  • 26
    nooneo5081972 I think the real issue is that you don't seem to have much of a relationship with your father and basically zero relationship with his husband. You rarely see them and they haven't treated you like a daughter or
    via u/nooneo5081972
  • 27
    much of a family member. Honestly, your dad has not been a very good dad to you. Your aren't really a part of their family and that's 1000% on them. Your mom's right. You don't owe them or their new son a relationship.
    via u/nooneo5081972
  • 28
    Sad_Investigator6160 If you do ever end up feeling close to Mason it will be because it happened naturally. Trying to impose a relationship by fiat never works in any context. NTA
    via u/Sad_Investigator6160

Tags

relationship advice family drama marriage adoption brother siblings family feud relationships parenting adopted couples divorce love family sister raising kids
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