Stepmom refuses to let her 8 and 10-year-old step-daughters take her last name despite their desire to do so: 'It would make no sense to change their name to mine'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Sep 9, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

If you've been on specific online forums for any amount of time, you know that stories about nefarious stepparents are familiar. These tales fall into one of two categories: either the stepparent is overstepping their bounds, or they couldn't care less about the child they are raising. I'd imagine in real life, most stepparents fall somewhere in the middle of the stepmom who is trying to replace her stepchildren's mother as the most crucial female relative in their life, and the stepdad who would rather not have any kids in his life at all. 

Kids have so little autonomy in their family situations, and even in the best step-parent situations, it can be challenging for them to adjust. Adults in their lives should give them some level of choice in how they interact with their stepparent. They should be able to choose whether to call their stepmom by her first name or by a maternal nickname. Their stepmom might not feel ready to be called "mom," but if her stepchildren don't have any other maternal figures in their lives, it might be the right choice for the kids. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    Two young girls hugging each other in front of a house
    via Lisa Marie Theck

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The stepmom in this story is uncomfortable with her stepkids adopting the hyphenated version of her husband's last name and her own last name for their new baby. Her stepdaughters want to have the same last name as their brother, and she is extremely against it. But what's the harm?

  • 02

    Am I the bad guy for saying my step kids don't need to have the same last name as my kid?

    Me and my husband are in our 30's and he has 2 girls from a previous marriage who are 10 and 8. For some context their mom d d in labor when the youngest was 2, so they don't have many memories of their mom. Me and my husband have been together for 4 years and are expecting a new baby.
    via u/Flashy_Thought_4144
  • 03
    The past few weeks we've been doing baby names, we let them come up with some middle names and we said we would choose from one of them. We finally came up with the whole name and I guess they didn't know that I was hyphenating my
    via u/Flashy_Thought_4144
  • 04
    kids last name. So they asked why the baby wasn't going to have just their dad's last name like them, and I explained that I wanted the baby to have my last name as well.
    via u/Flashy_Thought_4144
  • 05
    Baby in gray sweater lying on white textile
    via Christian Bowen

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    I thought they understood that but last week my husband asked if either we could give the baby just his last name or change the kids last name to mine as they said it made them feel left out. He already knows how I feel about the kid having just his last name and that I don't want that and I said it would make no sense to change their name to mine and
    via u/Flashy_Thought_4144
  • 07
    especially since it wouldn't make sense especially since my name. goes last so why would we do that. He feels I should be okay with it just to make his kids feel included but I feel it would be different if the roles were reversed and I was the husband and he was the wife and he took my last name and we just wanted everyone to have the same last name. I don't know though am I the ah?
    via u/Flashy_Thought_4144
  • 08
    A woman sitting on top of a black couch
    via Simone Summo

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    East Membership606 You're posting here so I am assuming your familiar with group and have seen the multitude of adult stepchildren where a relationship was forced down their throats or there was none at all and it was borderline ab ive where the bio-parent didn't stick up for their kid.
    via u/East_Membership606
  • 10
    The fact they want that connection with you speaks volumes both in the way you're raising them with your husband and that they love you to want something permanently binding. I am not a lawyer but I think would constitute some sort of adoption.
    via u/East_Membership606
  • 11
    I think that it's little premature to do something permanent like changing a name but it not bad thing to talk about it more and maybe a family therapist. Your stepkids are probably concerned that they are going to be left out when your baby arrives. A therapist would help you with the right language to use so they can feel secure as you move forward with as a family.
    via u/East_Membership606
  • 12
    Adorable-Flight-496 Step kids and dad are willing to change children's last name to OPs last name speaks volumes about how much love you gave and to their fear of you not living them as much as bio child
    via u/Adorable-Flight-496
  • 13
    Brilliant-Arm-418 Yeah kids know. They pick up on things and hear things when you don't know they're listening.
    via u/Brilliant-Arm-418
  • 14
    Bellatrix_dog Am jumping on the top comment here. Can you and your husband and step kids all sit down and come up with a mashed up last name and then everyone change to that or just the kids change to that. Unless you are in line to a crown your last names means diddly..so soft yta because your not listening to the kids you already have
    via u/Bellatrix_dog
  • 15
    smelliepoo I have always thought this was such a good idea. My husband didn't agree, so i kept my name!
    via u/smelliepoo
  • 16
    CulturalLow4 They can always change their name again. It's not any more permanent than not changing it.
    via u/CulturalLow4
  • 17
    CatJarmansPants Soft(ish) YTA - perfectly understandable as to why you'd want your biological child to have the hyphenated name, but I'm struggling to understand why you wouldn't want your step kids - who obviously consider you their mother - also having the hyphenated name, particularly when they have asked for it.
    via u/CatJarmansPants
  • 18
    On a very practical parenting point, can you possibly imagine how those kids feel after being told 'no, you can't have my name, only my special baby can have my name....' That bit, that puts you into hard YTA territory....
    via u/CatJarmansPants
  • 19
    Cardabella I completely agree. Op Your step kids asked for your name, how can you not feel honoured to accept?
    via u/Cardabella
  • 20
    ichundmeinHolz_ Exactly... That was my first thought. She doesn't lose anything by giving the girls the same last name. What she gains are two little girls who obviously love her very much.
    via u/ichundmeinHolz_
  • 21
    EldestFemaleStaff Did they actually ask for it though? It sounds like the dad is the one pushing for them to all have the same last name. I would be very, very careful here to make sure it is something the children actually want for themselves, and reassure them that they can opt out or change their minds at any time.
    via u/EldestFemaleStaff
  • 22
    BlueLeaves8 And the situation is different here in that they lost their mother, OP is their only mother and they clearly feel a connection here and want this reassurance. I don't understand why it would be so terrible to let them have her surname too, would it not be an honour? It doesn't take anything away from OP or the new baby. It does come across like OP wants the baby to be the "special" one.
    via u/BlueLeaves8
  • 23
    quartzsong bingo the fact that she's referring it as only "her child" and not their sibling speaks volumes. That baby is ther half sibling not a "step" sibling.
    via u/quartzsong
  • 24
    mirandaisntright I noticed that too. It says so much about her views, which make me sad for what the future holds for those two girls.
    via u/mirandaisntright
  • 25
    New_Factor2568 You are their mother in every aspect except biology. They have few memories of their birth mother and you have been with their father since they were six and four. They are still just little girls yet you want to make them feel that they are not really part of the same family as the new baby. Why? It isn't about what they understand, but what they feel, and they feel that you want your baby to be different from them. To me, that's unnecessarily divisive and hurtful.
    via u/New_Factor2568

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

stepmother baby pregnancy sibling rivalry sisters siblings stepmom expecting last name stepdaughter dad pregnant sister daughter last names mom
Scroll Down For The Next Article