Father refuses to let 14 and 16-year-old kids join his vacation to Europe after they side with their mom during the custody dispute: ‘You chose to spend your time with your mother, you got what you wanted’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Sep 24, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

People always say that the one pro to having divorced parents is that you get to have two of everything–Two birthdays, two Christmases, and two family vacations every summer. It's not the kids' fault that their parents got divorced, so they should not have to face the consequences of having a split family.

When a parent, like the father in the story below, blames their kids for the choices they were forced to make because of the divorce, we can't help but feel sorry for the kids. Especially if it means they lose the one benefit from the whole deal.

The kids in the story below, a 14-year-old and a 16-year-old, decided they preferred living with their mom, and they said so to the judge during the custody hearing. Their dad took this decision to heart, offended that they chose their mother over him. So when he started to plan a vacation with his wife and other family, he refused to bring his kids alone, claiming they got what they wanted when they chose their mom.

Pretty harsh words from one of the two people responsible for the split of the family in the first place…

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10554271488
    via @ivonnewierink

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITA for planning international travel without my children?

    So here's the reality. I have two kids. They are now 14 and 16. I've had 50/50 since I got divorced, up until a few months ago.
    via Reddit
  • 03
    4 years ago, my ex wife got remarried and her husband advised her to start a custody dispute.
    via Reddit
  • 04
    I spent $165,000 (basically my life savings) fighting for 4 years. For the record, my ex- wife's father is wealthy and paid all her legal fees.
    via Reddit
  • 05
    (This comes in to play later) The older child told the court appointed therapist "I want to live with mom and only see Dad every other weekend".
    via Reddit
  • 06
    The younger one just said they wanted to do 50/50. The younger one then changed their mind and said: "Oh maybe 70/30 with Mom.
    via Reddit
  • 07
    I just want court stuff to be over." I went to trial. My attorney fought like h I, but the judge said: "Given the children's age, their preference will take precedence and we won't split them up, as it break their sibling bond." Well, my wife and I have been planning some travel with some of her friends, her sister and their husbands.
    via Reddit
  • 08
    It includes 9 days in Spain and France. They picked the dates. We got tickets. The kids found out about it and have been asking me: "We want to go.
    via Reddit
  • 09
    Why can't we go?" | told my children: "This is something we planned. We saved for." They asked if it was an adults only trip.
    via Reddit
  • 10
    I told them it was not, and their 15 year old cousin was coming. They said it was not fair we couldn't take them as they know we could afford it, and that it would be their only chance to travel internationally.
    via Reddit
  • 11
    I told them: "You're young adults now. You chose to spend the majority of your time with your mother, and you got what you wanted.
    via Reddit
  • 12
    But choices have consequences. One of them is that you don't get to join me on things like this." They're both very upset.
    via Reddit
  • 13
    My younger one said: "You're just mad we have more fun at Mom's house." I'm afraid I'm being an ah le here.
    via Reddit
  • 14
    I'm happy to be wrong. But my gut is telling me what I'm doing is fair.
    via Reddit
  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10554271744
    via studioroman

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    Impossible_Rain_4727 YTA: You made it about their "choice" rather than their unavailability. You could have simply said "Your mother has court-ordered custody over you during the days of the trip. I can't change that". Instead you went the blame route. That is petty and assholish. Don't blame your children for the difficult position you and your ex- wife placed them in. They didn't
    via Impossible_Rain_4727
  • 17
    OP [deleted] I'm glad this comment rose to the top. It's succinct and what I needed to hear. I handled it incorrectly and learned. Thanks, Impossible Rain.
    via Reddit
  • 18
    Icy-Willingness-8892 YTA how is a cousin going? You are basically using the trip as a way to hurt your children for living with their mother. It's obvious that they have been the target of this kind of behavior before and didn't want to deal with an immature parent on top of everything else.
    via Icy-Willingness-8892
  • 19
    OP [deleted] Their parent is paying for them to go.
    via Reddit
  • 20
    gafftaped YTA for how you're handling this. Itd be fine to go without the children but the way you're handling it is incredibly petty. Youre only pushing your kids away more.
    via gafftaped
  • 21
    Naive_Pay_7066 I mean, if your goal is to further alienate your kids and worsen your relationship with them, nice work. You don't give any insight into why the kids wanted less time with you - they may have had valid reasons. With the limited info provided it's currently reading as YTA.
    via Naive_Pay_7066
  • 22
    Solid_Bed_752 Or he could have discussed with kids and mom before just excluding them. OP is totally TA
    via Solid_Bed_752
  • 23
    affictionitis Wow. So instead of examining your relationship with your **children** (14 and 16 are not "young adults") and maybe using this trip to strengthen your bond with them/repair any damage, you're getting petty revenge? I'm starting to see why they chose Mom. YTA.
    via affictionitis
  • 24
    lynypixie Young adults? They are 14 and 16!
    via lynypixie
  • 25
    rebcl You spent your life savings but can afford to travel with your kids internationally? YTA and this story doesn't line up
    via rebcl
  • 26
    wesmorgan1 You're asking the wrong question. You planning a trip without your kids is fine. The real question is "AITA for throwing it in my kids' faces as a punishment or 'consequences of their actions'?" Yes, yes you are - they made those decisions when they were much younger (as young as 10
    via wesmorgan1
  • 27
    Natural_Garbage7674 My dad used to plan holidays for my mum's custody time so he didn't have to take us. He always claimed he couldn't afford it but his friends always took their kids. So he'd be on holiday with a bunch of kids that weren't us. That always hurt. Knowing that he could have arranged for us to go but chose not to. OP, YTA
    via Natural_Garbage7674
  • 28
    drgrouchy YTA. You're taking out your animosity against your ex-wife out on your kids. Double a hole.
    via drgrouchy
  • 29
    ReachImpressive2756 YTA - I'm not saying you should or shouldn't take them, but it does sound like you are punishing them for hurting you. They are in a very difficult developmental phase and being placed in the middle of a process that is incredibly stressful. You seem to understand that the custody battle was hard on you as an adult. Why would it be easier or simpler for your children? It sounds like you're sending the message that if someone has more power and that person's feelings get hurt,
    via Reddit
  • 30
    Charming Usual6227 This is a man who wants it both ways: the divorce was not "his choice" but the kids talking to a court therapist was "their choice" and "the consequences of their actions"
    via Reddit

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Tags

europe family drama aita kids mother siblings reddit story parenting family sister Reddit women parents children Father vacation custody
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