Grandma takes in and buys car for son's 16-year-old daughter from an affair, he complains she won't buy one for his 17-year-old son: 'You're literally raising her'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 4, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Every child deserves to be treated equally. We call come out innocent. It's nobody's fault that they were born. Unfortunately, though, some adults make them feel like it was. Life gets complicated as you get older, and sometimes you end up with a family that you didn't expect. That doesn't change the fact that they're family, though. This is especially true if you're their parent. If you have a kid, it's your responsibility to raise them. If you can't, it's you're responsibility to find someone who will. 

Some of us are lucky to have people in our lives who will step in when things get messy. They won't judge you, and they'll help clean up your messes. We should not take these people for granted. We should remember how lucky we are to have them in our lives and treat them accordingly. But not everyone remembers that. Like the man in this story, who had a child outside of his relationship and refused to take her in. Luckily, his mother swooped in to take care of the child. But the drama didn't end there. 

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  • An older woman kisses her teenage granddaughter on the cheek.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • You can't have your cake and eat it too. In this situation, that meant having someone take care of your kid for you and expecting that they won't act like their parent. Their parent is whoever spends the bulk of the time taking care of them, no matter who they are. Read on to see what happened in this story. 

  • Am in the wrong for buying a car for my daughter but not my grandson?

    One of my sons has 2 kids, John (M17) and Zoe (F16). Zoe is the result of an affair and lives with us because my son's wife refused to let him take her in. A few days ago was Zoe's 16th birthday and I bought a car for her.
    via u/FrostyWafer7234
  • John's 16th birthday was last year and my son did ask me to help him buy a car but I told him I can't afford it. I was saving for a car for Zoe. Now my son is upset and thinks I'm favoring Zoe. Of course I am. She is basically my daughter. He thinks I'm an a hole.
    via u/FrostyWafer7234

  • Commenters sided with the grandmother.

    Exotic-Rooster4427 8h ago • 'I took her in and raised her as my own following your mistakes. I see her as my daughter and she will be placed in a will as my daughter. Therefore if I want to buy my daughter a car, i will.'
    via u/Exotic-Rooster4427
  • kam49ers4ever .7h ago NTA. What did your son (and probably his wife) think was going to happen when he gave you a kid to raise? You're Zoe's parent. He's johns parent. He's lucky you're not insisting that he pay you child support. Technically, if he wants either kid to have a car, he should be the one buying them.
    via u/kam49ers4ever
  • StashBang 7h ago . You're literally raising her while John has two parents at home. Your son has some nerve asking you to buy his kid a car when he couldn't even step up for his own daughter. He created this situation
    via u/StashBang
  • Smart-Caterpillar696 · 4h ago NTA. He literally abandoned her and now she's your daughter. It's a totally different relationship. You're doing right by her. Just make sure she's legally protected. Your son sounds like he would screw her out of anything he could.
    via u/Smart-Caterpillar696
  • A middle-aged man argues with a woman at a coffee table.
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • MainEgg320 • 4h ago Your son is an entitled AH. Has he paid you any child support whatsoever for the child HE created?? I'm guessing probably not.. and to expect you to not only pay for all of her expenses but ALSO step in and cover expenses for his son is entitled AF. NTA
    via u/MainEgg320
  • MotorMetal431 7h ago Hmm, your son is the AH in every way. Has an affair, dumps the affair baby on you to raise and then expects you to buy his son a car. He needs to get his big boy pants on and take care of HIS own responsibilities and quit trying to have you do it. NTA
    via u/MotorMetal431
  • Special_Lychee_6847 6h ago NTA You were expected to chip in for the son's car, while his father paid for the rest. Now it's time for the daughter to have a car. Why isn't her 'father' at least chipping in for hers? CLEARLY he favors his son over his daughter, and you are just righting his wrongs.
    via u/Special_Lychee_6847
  • Like others said, please look into adoption. It's clear your son will try to screw her over, down the line, when it comes to inheritance.
    via u/Special_Lychee_6847
  • Hairy-Leather-5967 8h ago . grandma/MOTHER of the year. Im guessing Zoe wouldnt get a car if she lived under his roof the wife wouldnt allow it. I hope she calls him bro from now on.
    via u/Hairy-Leather-5967
  • Gigafive 5h ago Info: How much child support does your son provide for his daughter?
    via u/Gigafive
  • FrostyWafer7234 OP Nothing
    via u/FrostyWafer7234
  • Ok-Meeting-8588.1h ago So how much does car cost? How much child support would he reasonably have owed you? I think you should tally both sums up and show it to him. Also, you really should look into legal adoption. I know you're "all but her father," but that's a big distinction when it comes to the courts. Why not make it official?
    via u/Ok-Meeting-8588
  • Budget Pin5828 • 1h ago NTA Came here to say... Zoe is innocent in this whole thing. I really love that you took her in and raised her as your own, when her own Father wouldn't. You are a beautiful human.
    via u/Budget_Pin5828
  • Pollywoggle16 · 7h ago NTA. he can hardly complain about uneven treatment when he refused to step up for his daughter. Hypocrite.
    via u/Pollywoggle16
  • McNattron • 5h ago NTA I was raised by my grandparents - evil step mum vibes. I was half way between a kid and a grand kid. It has a lot of things that s k about it (feeling unwanted by your parents, missing out of stuff your siblings get etc; that when your grandparents fet older your viewed as grandkid not a kid so you dont get involved in decision making).
    via u/McNattron
  • But the advantage is that tou get to have some pretty awesome grandparents/parents, and they treat tou more like a kid than the other grand kids. Yes you may get better gifts on kid level etc. But if your son didnt want you favouring his daughter over his son he should have considered being an actual dad and raising her himself.
    via u/McNattron
  • yeeticusprime1⚫ 7h ago NTA- you've basically adopted Zoe and therefore have a responsibility to lift her up and help her start life same as any parent. Your son needs to understand there's consequences for his actions. If he wanted his parents to be able to help he shouldn't have
    via u/yeeticusprime1
  • been slinging sausage on the side. Then saddled his own parents with the affair child. This is a messed up situation but you're making the most of it and giving Zoe much more love than most families would. Keep up the good work my dude.
    via u/yeeticusprime1
  • TerriDiA 3h ago • NTA - if your son whats his son to get a car he can buy it. You've been raising his daughter on your own for years. Not to mention, your money, you decide how to spend it not your son.
    via u/TerriDiA
  • Zealousideal-House... 2h ago NTA But I think if he is dumb enough to not treat all of his children equally then he is dumb enough not to see why you don't treat them equally. I would just turn it around on him. Who is responsible for feeding and clothing the kids? The parents!
    via u/Zealousideal-House19
  • Who actually is feeding and clothing one of those kids. when when the PARENT refuses? You are! So YOU get to decide how much to put in this child. Who is responsible for buying the kids cars? The parents! WHO is supposed to buy Zoe a car? Her PARENTS! Dear
    via u/Zealousideal-House19
  • son where is the money for Zoe's car? Oh, you are a deadbeat again, so someone else has to step up and do the job YOU were supposed to. If you the grandparent didn't have to take care of your granddaughter because her FATHER was such a deadbeat then all the kids would have money for cars.
    via u/Zealousideal-House19
  • tiggergirluk76 • 6h ago . NTA. He abandoned his biological daughter, and you raised her as your own. He has no business talking about favouritism. You're free to buy whatever you want to for your daughter as her father. He is responsible for providing for the needs of the child he decided to keep.
    via u/tiggergirluk76
  • grumpy_g6h ago Depends on the perspective. For John you might be because you do more for the other grandchild. For others, not so much. Because that isn't your grandchild, it's your child. now.
    via u/grumpy__g
  • The only AH is your son. And his wife for not divorcing him and doing this to two children.
    via u/grumpy__g
  • jlaughlin 1972 · 4h ago • Not the AH. She lives with you as your responsibility, it's up to you to provide for your household first.
    via u/jlaughlin1972

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