Thanksgiving family tradition put on hold when daughter refuses to host holiday on her turn, mom uninvites her from the dinner

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 5, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Every family has their own way of handling holidays and the question of who has to host them. In my own family, everyone just gets assigned a role for life. We go to the same house for every holiday, one aunt is in charge of the protein, another is in charge of the sides, the uncles are tasked with rearranging furniture, and the cousins are all on clean-up duty after the event. It may not be the fairest way to go about things, but it keeps the peace intact.

Other families, though, prefer a more democratic approach — rotating the responsibility so no one gets stuck with the same chores every time. One family thought they had perfected that system: each person takes a turn being the chef, decorator, and reluctant dishwasher for the day. But one daughter, Clara, has made a habit of dodging her duties year after year with last-minute excuses, leaving her relatives to pick up the slack.  This year, she vowed to finally host Thanksgiving, but she's backed out again, claiming that her house is too messy. Her mom, fed up from years of broken promises, decided that if Clara couldn't handle hosting duties, she wouldn't be welcome at Thanksgiving at all.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01

    AITA for disinviintg my daughter to Thanksgiving when she won't host Thanksgiving?

    Woman presenting a turkey to her family during Thanksgiving Dinner
    via Yuganov Konstantin

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    In our family, holidays are rotated, so one person hosts the Fourth of July, another hosts Christmas, and another hosts Thanksgiving etc.. This way, no one is
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607
  • 03
    constantly hosting, and it makes it fair for everyone. This post is about my middle daughter, Clara.
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607
  • 04
    Clara has always been skipping her host duties, when it gets to her she has an excuse why she can't host. It ranges but usually goes along the lines of stress or she is too busy.
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607
  • 05
    This results in other family members to pick up her holiday. It is frustrating and multiple people have talked to her about this. She bailed on hosting Easter but
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607
  • 06
    promised me that she would do Thanksgiving we swapped holidays. At the time I made it very clear she needed to stay
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607
  • 07
    true to her word and if she dumped it on someone else she wouldn't be going to Thanksgiving. It usually gets dumped on me.
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607
  • 08
    Older woman holds a cooked turkey on a plate while a younger woman smiles
    via Yuganov Konstantin

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    Anyway, I called her asking if she wanted me to bring a dessert board for Thanksgiving. She told me that she could not host
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607
  • 10
    because she had just moved into her home (she moved in July), and it was too messy to host. I told her she could clean since it was a few weeks away. She told me she can't.
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607
  • 11
    I know the other kids can't host it, (well one could but she is doing Christmas and its not fair at all for her). I informed everyone it would
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607
  • 12
    beat my place this year. I also informed everyone that Clara is not invited this year to Thanksgiving.
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607
  • 13
    Clara was ped when I told her that and we got into a huge. argument. She thinks I am a big j. My other kids are split, two
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607
  • 14
    of them are happy since they are tired of picking up her slack when this happens while others things this is too far.
    via u/BonusSpecialist1607

  • Uninviting her from the holiday dinner does seem pretty extreme, but after years of bailing, it's understandable why her mother feels like it's time for more extreme measures. 

  • 15
    Family enjoy a Thanksgiving dinner while a sign glows in front of them and reads HAPPY THANKS GIVING
    via skynesher from Getty Images Signature

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    _ChloeSilverado_ I'm really struggling to make a judgement here because I think the concept of "everyone HAS to host one large gathering" is kind of odd to me.
    via u/_ChloeSilverado_
  • 17
    My sister hates hosting people in her space and I'd never want to make her do it just because it's what is seen as fair. On the other
    via u/_ChloeSilverado_
  • 18
    hand, my brother and sister in law love hosting people and parties at their house. They usually do Christmas, Halloween, Easter and have everyone over.
    via u/_ChloeSilverado_

  • I am compelled to agree that this supposedly “fair” system seems pretty unfair to me; no one should be forced to host if they don't want to. The issue here is that Clara is never honest and constantly bails last minute. 

  • 19
    I usually do Thanksgiving and New Years, and our parents will usually do like 4th of July, Labor and Memorial Day (they have a pool). It just kind of worked out
    via u/_ChloeSilverado_
  • 20
    that everyone picked holidays that play to their strengths and my sister has been to every single event and will always offer to help set up/clean/bring things in lieu of official host duties.
    via u/_ChloeSilverado_
  • 21
    I couldn't imagine forcing her to take on duties that she hates and makes her miserable or tell her to not come to our parties, because I
    via u/_ChloeSilverado_
  • 22
    love her. Sure, I get stressed hosting too, but I'd rather have my sister to celebrate with then alienate her and still have to pick up slack.
    via u/_ChloeSilverado_
  • 23
    I think I'm leaning towards YTA because I don't think this should be such a forced procedure
    via u/_ChloeSilverado_
  • 24
    DonutsForever99 THIS. You rotate through people who want to host. If nobody wants to host, you make reservations at a restaurant. Nobody should be forced to host a holiday.
    via u/DonutsForever99
  • 25
    Most Past2618 Op said in a comment that they've repeatedly asked Clara if she wants to host since she keeps canceling, and she always says yes but then cancels and has an excuse as to why she can't do it this time.
    via u/Most_Past2618
  • 26
    A family enjoy dinner at a restaurant and a waiter brings a turkey to them
    via Denys Gromov from Pexels

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 27
    felixfictitious OP also said that they have asked Clara to bring dishes. to holidays before or contribute and she always refuses. So I think it's less an issue of specifically disliking. hosting, and more an issue that Clara does not feel the need to contribute in any way to events she benefits from.
    via u/felixfictitious
  • 28
    SingleAlfredoFemale Ehhhhhh. I get why you're mad if she's done this a bunch of times. But she's made it pretty clear she doesn't want to host in her home, ever. So accept that. But it is unfair that she never hosts. Why don't you suggest that she coordinate a public meetup on her turn (restaurant, potluck at the park, etc)? At the end of the day, she's your daughter. You're not actually going to exclude her from Thanksgiving dinner, are you?
    via u/SingleAlfredoFemale
  • 29
    officerliger I think the bigger issue isn't the hosting, it's the complete lack of contribution (as illustrated in OP's replies) If I couldn't host at my place, I'd maybe offer to handle the hosting "duties" at someone else's place so it was still a low stress affair for the person living at the home. Cooking, cleaning, etc. But it seems she's unwilling to contribute at all, which makes that a difficult ask
    via u/officerliger

Tags

family drama thanksgiving tradition adulting relationships parenting love entitled family daughter mom relationship drama holidays parents entitled people
Scroll Down For The Next Article