19-year-old college student requests struggling mom pay $650 in sorority dues, gets upset when she refuses: 'I already pay half of her tuition'

College is as much about gaining independence as it is getting an education.

Plenty of 18-year-olds cannot wait to make the move to a dorm, purely because it is the first time they have experienced true freedom from being a part of the family unit. At the same time, a lot of parents relish the opportunity to finally have their home to themselves, or at least a little less busy. When both parties are in the same frame of mind, it is a win-win situation.

Still, just because a young adult child is living away from home doesn't mean that they can be expected to be fully independent. While some do make it on their own, plenty of college students get by with the financial support of mom and dad. Many parents see this as a normal part of the transition to adulthood, but even they have their limits. Most do not agree with their money being used for anything and everything that their kid may want, especially when they have the ability to earn some cash themselves. If college is to be used as a preparation for adult life, then students cannot be completely coddled by their families the entire time.

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  • a female college student stands in front of a building and trees wearing a white dress and a red sash with greek letters on it
    via Ryan Hoffman

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The main issue with a parent saying no to a college student's demands is the fact that they may not take it so well. Nonetheless, depending on the circumstances, it is usually important to hold the line.

    In this story, a mom put her foot down and refused to pay the hundreds of dollars her daughter requested for sorority dues. She reasoned that she had already made a significant financial contribution to her college education, and she disapproved of pursuing something that could take her focus away from her academics at a crucial time. Also, she was a single parent who did not have a lot of money.

    This upset her daughter, who felt unsupported by her refusal and like she wanted to hold her back. The mom wasn't sure if she had been too harsh, and looked for a second opinion.

  • Am I wrong for refusing to pay my daughter’s sorority dues?

    I'm a single mom and my daughter is 19 and a freshman in college. She wants to join a sorority next semester and wants me to pay her dues even though she has a job. The problem is I don't really support it and I honestly can't afford $650 of dues on top of everything else. I already pay half of her college tuition and cover a lot of her basic expenses.
    via BeautifulTry745
  • My biggest concern is her academics. The first couple of years of college are critical and a lot of students drop out during that time. Even last year, her teachers told me she struggled with procrastinating and staying on top of deadlines. Because of that, I really want her to focus on getting settled academically and building good habits before adding something that takes a lot of time, money, and social pressure.
    via BeautifulTry745
  • four young women wear different pink, black, and white pajama sets while hugging each other and standing on a bed
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I'm not against her having a social life or making friends. I just feel like sorority life is expensive and distracting right now, especially when I'm already stretching myself financially to help her get through school. I've told her that if she really wants to be in it and can pay her own dues through her current job, I'm not opposed to that. I just don't feel comfortable paying for it myself.
    via BeautifulTry745
  • She's upset and feels like I'm holding her back or not supporting her. From my side, I feel like I'm trying to be responsible and make sure she actually gets the degree I'm helping pay for. I'm not sure if I'm being unfair or if this is a reasonable boundary given our situation.
    via BeautifulTry745
  • a blond woman with a pen in one hand and a mug in the other looks at a pile of bills and a calculator atop a soft surface
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Yankeetransplant1 My niece wanted to join a sorority and my sister made her pay 1/3 (split between mom, dad and her). She got a job on campus 5 hours a week and has it covered. Can she get a part time job to cover these extra curricular activities? I feel like it really gives her a steak in the value instead of having it handed to her.
    via Yankeetransplant1
  • Winter_Accident_5546 If she wants to join tell her to get a job and pay it herself she's being inconsiderate
    via Winter_Accident_5546
  • OP BeautifulTry745 She has a job but wants me to pay so she has spending money.
    via BeautifulTry745
  • Kind_Poet_3260 Team Mom. We never paid our son's fraternity dues. If this is so important to her, she can use the money she is making by working.
    via Kind_Poet_3260
  • snafuminder You pay necessities, she pays her wants. It's the half-way point on the way to adulthood and responsibility for everything.
    via snafuminder
  • Worried Turnip6458 There are apparently stats that show that kids in Greek life have higher GPA overall than kids who are not. My own sorority for example has study groups, peer tutoring, mentoring from older girls in the same major, and various alumni career talks and events. But that is different to cost. If it is a cost thing then perhaps you can reach an agreement with her to pay, or pay you back. It is expensive and there are hidden costs they don't really talk about like induction events,
    via WorriedTurnip6458
  • Sjf715 This is where it would be nice to have a budget so you could sit her down and say "this is my monthly paycheck, this is where it all goes. Help me find where this $650/month is going to come from."
    via Sjf715
  • No_Can_7387 Totally agree! Having her contribute financially could teach her responsibility and make the experience more meaningful. Plus, she lerns to balance priorities.
    via No_Can_7387
  • No_Cheek6865 I wanted to join a sorority in university and my parents said no. They said they'd help pay for my degree, but my social life was my responsibility. So I got a part time job to cover the dues. In the end I changed my mind about joining a sorority, but I worked all through college at the campus library, as well as cocktail waitress and barista jobs. I graduated with very little debt and great organizational skills while my other friends were getting drunk and puking on their parents'
    via No_Cheek6865
  • Ok_Hippo_5437 This isnt the same. But its comparable. I wanted to drive at 16. My family was poor. Like REAAALLLL poor. You need driving lessons at that age. It was a few hundred bucks. I was told I was allowed, but it wouldn't be funded by them. Was my first real lesson on how far your hourly wage goes. I still carry it with me in life. Make her pay for it. It'll cause a ruckus for a bit but she will get over it (with love lol)
    via Ok_Hippo_5437
  • mcmurrml I agree with you 100 percent. Technically you can't afford it. You have more important things to pay for or put away. This is not something she needs. This is something she wants and it wouldn't matter even if you had an abundance of money. This is part of being responsible and her having teeth in the game to work for it if she wants it bad enough. That's an entitled attitude wanting you to pay to make it easier on her. She can understand the answer no.
    via mcmurrml

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