Parents sabotage daughter’s dream school scholarship acceptance, secretly committing her to a local university: ‘My parents have a whole separate plan for my life’

The parents had already told the whole family their daughter was staying close for college, even though she never agreed, and now she's stuck between wanting to please them and wanting to live her own life.

It's not just about the school or the scholarship, it's about who gets to decide what happens next. The daughter's dream school felt like a chance to breathe, to start fresh, but her parents quietly moved money and made plans behind her back.

Author image for Etai Eshet Etai Eshet
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  • Young woman wearing glasses and a winter jacket standing outside
    via Kristijan Arsov

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA if I go to my dream school anyway after my parents “reassigned” my future without telling me?

    I'm 18F (graduating HS) and I just found out my parents have been having a whole separate plan for my life that I wasn't actually part of.
    via DistantGravel
  • I got accepted into my dream school out of state with a decent scholarship and I've been talking about it nonstop for months.
    via DistantGravel
  • I've visited, I felt like I could breathe there, I even found a dorm roommate already.
    via DistantGravel
  • My mom smiled through all of it and kept saying "we'll see," and my dad would just do his quiet disappointed face, but neither of them ever flat out said no.
    via DistantGravel
  • Last week my aunt called to "congratulate me on committing" to the local university. I thought she was confused, so I laughed. and said no, I'm going to my dream school.
    via DistantGravel
  • She went quiet and said, "Oh honey your father told the family you chose to stay close because of your faith." I literally had to sit down.
    via DistantGravel
  • Worried young woman with glasses leaning against a tree in a park
    via Anthony LE

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • For context, my family is very religious and my dad is one of those people who thinks discomfort is a virtue.
    via DistantGravel

  • The local university is tied to their church and the career they want for her, and they’ve already told everyone she’s staying. When she tried to explain she had a scholarship and was willing to work, her dad called it a selfish mistake and said she’d be choosing debt on purpose. The pressure isn’t loud or angry, it’s slow and steady, with sermons in the kitchen and texts from relatives about breaking hearts and pride.

  • The local university is connected to our church community, and my dad has been pushing a specific program there that basically funnels into the kind of career he wants me to have.
    via DistantGravel
  • I'm not even against that career path, I just don't want my whole life decided in a group chat I wasn't invited to.
    via DistantGravel
  • When I asked my parents about the call, my mom admitted they've already told everyone I'm staying, and my dad said he did it because he didn't want me "making a selfish mistake" and he needed to "protect me from myself." He also casually mentioned he already moved money around because my "college fund" will go toward the local school, and if I go out of state I'm "choosing debt on purpose." I told him I have a scholarship and I'm willing to work and take loans if I have to, and he hit me with, "
    via DistantGravel

  • The real issue isn’t the money or the school, it’s the feeling of being trapped between two versions of herself. The kid who wants to keep the peace and the person who wants to start her own life. Her mom cries, not because she’s sad, but because she wants her daughter to comfort her and agree. Her dad says she’s not welcome home if she goes, but says it in a calm voice, like he’s doing her a favor. The whole thing feels less like a disagreement and more like a slow takeover.

  • Yesterday my dad said if I go anyway, I'm not welcome to come home "until I'm ready to be reasonable," and he said it in this calm voice like he was doing me a favor.
    via DistantGravel
  • I feel trapped between two versions of myself: the kid who wants to be good and keep peace, and the person who wants to actually start her own life.
    via DistantGravel
  • I can't tell if I'm being dramatic or if I'm finally seeing how controlling this is.
    via DistantGravel

  • Sometimes the hardest part isn’t the decision itself, it’s realizing how much control someone else has been holding over your life. The daughter’s not sure if she’s being dramatic or if she’s finally seeing how controlling it is. The real question isn’t whether she should go to her dream school, it’s whether she can live with herself if she doesn’t.

  • WIBTA if I go to the school I already accepted, even if it means losing my family's financial help and possibly contact for a while?
    via DistantGravel
  • Strange_Fig_9837 NTA, go to your school of choice and spend your life doing what YOU want. There's nothing more unfulfilling than living for other people
    via DistantGravel
  • NoDanaOnlyZuul NTA follow your dreams. Start your life. You're the one who has to live it. "You'd rather struggle than honor your parents" - if "discomfort is a virtue" then they should be on board with this.
    via DistantGravel
  • City_Girl_at_heart NTA. If you stay, the next step is likely them deciding who you date. Leaving gives you room to grow as a person.
    via DistantGravel
  • Acceptable-Cry9854 NTA, what your parents are doing is DISRESPECTFUL, COERCIVE, and CRUEL. Their public persona and the opinions of other people are more important to them than you. Be prepared for their behavior to escalate when you make your choice. They will be deliberately hurtful to you, because they perceive your independence as an insult to them. Be strong and protect your heart. Go to college. If you go to their choice, they will continue to make more choices for you. Who and when you sh
    via DistantGravel
  • Forsaken-Program-450 NTA You're an adult woman, you can make your own choices. If you choose a different path and they exclude you because of it, that's a shame for them. But you have to choose what makes you happy.
    via DistantGravel
  • MaryMaryQuite- NTA. Leave and go to your chosen uni. Your parents' behaviour is unconscionable!
    via DistantGravel
  • Professional_Turn863 Start looking for more scholarships and apply to all of them. Your parents are controlling. If they don't let you come home, that is their choice. They are trying to manipulate you with money. Is it bribery or financial abuse?
    via DistantGravel
  • bolimniezab NTA get out of this house, they're abusive! good luck!!
    via DistantGravel
  • deber38 Fight the kid who wants to keep the peace. She is not happy and you won't be if you stay. Go to your dream school. Work hard and prove to YOURSELF that you can do it. No one else matters. NTA I was raised in very similar circumstances and it took me YEARS to get free. You have an out. Get out while you can.
    via DistantGravel
  • Alarming Definition9 NTA Go to your dream school. You'll regret it if you don't.
    via DistantGravel

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