23-year-old bails on $170 share of hotel room, friend considers disinviting him from beach house trip: 'Maybe you shouldn't try to plan things around me'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 9, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

How do you deal with a friend who owes you money?

Nobody likes being around a person who thinks that they have free rein on your wallet, but there are plenty of individuals out there who will act like that with you if you aren't careful. Whether you encounter a professional freeloader or the kind of person who is simply too good at ignoring when others go to significant expense, they are likely to cause conflict at some point.

The most important thing when dealing with this type is enforcing and sticking to some firm boundaries. Sadly, it is a lesson that many are only going to learn from experience. It is often the case of getting burned once and learning not to get burned again. It isn't nice to lose money to someone you eventually feel does not deserve it, and there is every chance this investment will not be a one-time thing. It can ruin events and things you looked forward to, purely because they are not interested in changing their behavior. Dealing with this does not come easily to a lot of people, but it is a skill worth developing sooner rather than later.

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  • A representation of three young men standing on a beach at sunset
    via Will Haddock

    A representation of three young men standing on a beach at sunset

  • A group of friends was planning a trip where they would share a hotel room, leading the friend who was in charge of booking to request that the other two were sure that they could go ahead with the vacation, as the room was nonrefundable. While both were initially on board, one friend ended up cancelling as he had work commitments.

    The friend who made the booking was annoyed, as he felt that his needs had not been prioritized. After the cancellation and the flaky friend's reaction to his annoyance, he was considering disinviting him to another upcoming weekend vacation that he had. However, he didn't know if that was taking things too far.

  • Am I wrong for disinviting my friend to my beach house for the weekend because he bailed last minute on another trip that put me out 170 dollars?

    Long story short, Me (23m), Dave (23m), and Robert (23m) planned two trips down the shore. The first outting was in Wildwood, NJ. We planned to stay 3 nights and the hotel room was 165/night. I asked both Dave and Robert numerous times if the dates worked for them. That they had to be
    via ComprehensiveDig1372
  • 1000% sure because I was about to book a nonrefundable room for 500 dollars and if they bailed last minute, I'm out 165 dollars (170 with tax). Their share of the room. They both promised me that they would be. Robert kept his word. The issue lies tonight with Dave.
    via ComprehensiveDig1372
  • Dave gave me a call today saying that he wouldn't be able to take off. He said that his new job was important to him and that he couldn't risk getting fired because he was new, saying there was a possibility that he would be put on a probationary period. Mind you he knew he was getting this job a month before
    via ComprehensiveDig1372
  • and when I asked. I asked if maybe he could reach out and ask. He got annoyed with me and stated "Bro, I told you, I can't even do that, I could get fired Mike (me)". Annoyed, I told him, "Well you should have told me that BEFORE I booked the trip, I'm now out 170 dollars". You'd think he'd be
    via ComprehensiveDig1372
  • apologetic, but instead, he acts like a child and tells me, "Well, I don't know what to say man, maybe you shouldn't try to plan things around me". Plan things around you? I ASKED MULTIPLE TIMES if this date was good for you because I wanted to be a good friend and include everyone and THAT'S what you have to tell me. No sorry. He then
    via ComprehensiveDig1372
  • says, "Well we atleast we have the weekend at your beach house, that will be free". Yes, free for you, not me who's out 170 bucks. I just said whatever and hung up at that point. I now am considering excluding him from the beach house and either just lying that it's off and inviting Robert or just telling him straight up. I don't know if that's
    via ComprehensiveDig1372
  • me being petty, but it feels as though he has had very little respect for me lately. Because I know d n well that he'd NEVER, in a million years, pull this sh on his gf and put her out this much money wise and time wise. No, he just requested off 3 days to go to Canada with her, payed for the whole thing. And that's perfectly fine, I'm not
    via ComprehensiveDig1372
  • jealous, it just feels like that's a good example of the respect he has to me compared to others in his life and I'm fed up. So, please, give me your honest opinion. No judgement. AITA???
    via ComprehensiveDig1372
  • A representation of the wraparound porch of a house right next to the ocean
    via Rich Brents

    A representation of the wraparound porch of a house right next to the ocean

  • thatonenativechild NTA. You checked numerous times and he kept saying yes, he's in. He didn't even bother to apologize. I'd uninvite him, he's taking you for granted at this point.
    via thatonenativechild
  • Exciting Vegetable315 He owes you money. Dont get got
    via ExcitingVegetable315
  • lun4d0r4 Cost of using your place for the 2nd weekend, $170 due in advance.
    via lun4d0r4
  • Disastrous-Worth-909 Reasonable for you to expect him to pay you back that $170. You can uninvite him if you want to after explaining why, if he doesn't pay you back the $170.
    via Disastrous-Worth-909
  • I'd be mad if I planned something around someone and their response was, "don't plan things around me and you're sh out of luck"
    via Disastrous-Worth-909
  • Resort Lizard NTA if you disinvite him and tell him why. You'd be an AH if you lie and tell him it's canceled, then go anyway with other friends.
    via Resort_Lizard
  • Ptownmama Lesson learned get everyone to send you the money upfront before you book
    via Ptownmama
  • Walmar202 He is not a worthy friend. This lesson costs you $170. End the friendship.
    via Walmar202
  • wishingforarainyday NTA. Tell him he owes you $170 and that he's no longer welcome at your beach house
    via wishingforarainyday
  • Adorable_Dust3799 I might not uninvite but id absolutely require cash before setting anything up.
    via Adorable_Dust3799

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