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9 Of The Week's Weirdest and Wackiest Headlines

We live in an age of fake news. Why not celebrate all the news that *sounds* fake but is actually very, very real? From drugged up raccoons to suicide machines and escapee baboons, we've tracked down some of the week's strangest headlines. Click through to the publishers for each full story. You'll either have a laugh or have a serious head-shaking moment. 

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  • 1

    In which a very high raccoon had people guessing his drug of choice.

    Adaptation - Pet raccoon, stoned off of too much weed, brought to Indianapolis firehouse. Confusion ensues. BY: Jordan Fischer POSTED: 5:51 PM, Apr 16, 2018 UPDATED: 12:36 AM, Apr 17, 2018 f rtv6. abc THEINDYCHANNEL "PET RACCOON THAT GOT INTO THEIR METH." 11 ЕЕ -0:24 Autoplay: On
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  • 2

    This dude broke up with his girlfriend after opiates left him craving male attention. Right.

    Product - Man believes painkillers turned him gay Richard Hartley-Parkinson Tuesday 17 Apr 2018 6:20 am 1.4k G+ f Pregabalin Wockhardt 100mg ww
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  • 3

    Finally, safe passage to Coruscant. Just in time for the release of 'Solo.'

    Landmark - Annexed Crimea Airport Offers Flights to Mars, Venus and Star Wars' Coruscant Star Wars Coruscant planet
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  • 4

    These are some seriously boss baboons.

    Vertebrate - Live TV U.S. Edition Health» Food | Fitness Wellness| Parenting Vital Signs CAN Baboons break out of a research center using a barrel and savor a fleeting taste of rebellion By AJ Willingham, CNN Updated 10:16 AM ET, Tue April 17, 2018 More from CNN Sean Hannity news is a real problem for Michael Cohen Mud in this small Japanese island could change the global economy (CNN) Four baboons, having clearly read too much dystopian fiction, escaped a biomedical research lab in San Antonio
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    Via CNN

  • 5

    So this is why people are so gaga over Canadian healthcare. Got it.

    Face - B.C. health official voices'grave concerns' after child given homeopathic remedy using rabid-dog saliva Provincial health minister has 'grave concerns' about naturopath's claims in blog post Bethany Lindsay- CBC News Posted: Apr 16, 2018 5:27 PM PT | Last Updated: April 16
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    Via CBC

  • 6

    This man *really* wanted vegetable oil for his hair clippers. Okay.

    Text - Police: Man with gun threatened McDonald's workers over vegetable oil DELAWARE NEWSROOM MCDONALDS THREAT ARREST I00:25 00:43
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    Via ABC

  • 7

    There are layers to this one.

    Text - APRIL 15, 2018 8:59pm PT by Ryan Parker John Oliver Bought Russell Crowe's Jockstrap for Alaska's Last Blockbuster Video

  • 8

    What if phones, but too much?

    Pilgrimage - NEWS Ghana asks mosques to turn down the noise and use WhatsApp for call to prayer Urban Africans contend with a great deal of noise day in and out. In a bid to curb noise pollution, authorities in Ghana want Muslims to use WhatsApp rather than loudspeakers for the call to prayer picture alliance/AA/J. Perdigo
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    Via DW

  • 9

    Sounds like a cheery event.

    Text - Nitschke's 'suicide machine' draws crowds at Amsterdam funeral fair Euthanasia advocate displays 'Sarco', a pod that fills with nitrogen, which he hopes will one day be available as a 3D-printable device Australian euthanasia activist Philip Nitschke has invented a 3D-printed suicide machine, presented at the Amsterdam Funeral Expo on Saturday. Photograph: Jasper Juinen/AFP/Getty Images A controversial suicide pod that enables its occupant to kill themselves at the press of a button went
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