Woman Calls Off Wedding After Fiancé Secretly Spends the Night with His Ex Girlfriend for 'Closure,' Destroying Her Trust

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 28, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Welcome, women of the WWW. Closure is an important part of mourning a past relationship in order to let it go and be able to move on. After a romantic breakup, you may find yourself ruminating on an idealized past. Closure can help pull you away from that state of mind so that you can start a new chapter in your life. However, many people seem to be focused on the idea that closure comes from something outside of themselves. They seek to have some sort of final showdown or conversation with their ex that may provide the closure that they seek - an apology, an explanation, or a display of their every toxic trait that reinforces that the breakup was justified - but ultimately, it comes from yourself. 

In any case, closure is something that should happen before you enter a new relationship. However, in our story today, a man waits until just a few months before his wedding to seek closure from a previous relationship. Instead of grabbing a coffee to talk things over, he goes to his ex-girlfriend's home behind his fiancée's back and spends the night there, prompting his fiancée to cancel the wedding. Scroll down for all the details. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/Cutiepiegoddess 13h. AITA for Calling Off the Wedding After My Fiancé Gave His Ex "Closure" Without Telling Me?
    via u/Cutiepiegoddess
  • 02
    I (28F) have been with my fiancé, Tom (30M), for three years. He and his ex, Sara, were together for six years before we met, and she's been a shadow hanging over us the entire time. At first, I understood...they shared a lot of history, and breakups can be tough. But we're supposed to be each other's future now. We're planning our wedding, building a life, and I thought he was done with the past.
    via u/Cutiepiegoddess
  • 03
    A month ago, Tom got a random message from Sara asking for "closure." He didn't tell me about it, and instead of ignoring it or at least discussing it with me, he responded and met up with her. I found out when I saw a message on his phone that said, "Thanks for last night." My heart dropped. When I confronted him, he swore nothing physical happened, saying he stayed over until early morning just "talking."
    via u/Cutiepiegoddess
  • 04
    I didn't believe him, and what's worse, he got defensive, calling me "insecure" for feeling betrayed. He says Sara "deserved closure" and that I should "understand" since he's with me now. The more we talked, the more I realized he doesn't think he did anything wrong. I tried to explain how hurtful it was that he hid this, especially when he didn't need to, but he made me feel like I was the problem for being "jealous of a friendship."
    via u/Cutiepiegoddess
  • 05
    But here's the kicker...Tom then had the audacity to tell me that this "needed to happen" so he could truly move on. He even suggested Sara should come to the wedding "as a friend" to "show everyone there's no bad blood." I was stunned. How could he think it's appropriate to invite his ex to our wedding, someone he apparently still feels the need to "support"?
    via u/Cutiepiegoddess
  • 06
    I've since called off the wedding, saying I need time to think, but my family and friends are split. Half say I should be able to trust him if he says nothing happened, and others think I'm totally justified. Meanwhile, Tom's been telling our friends that I'm "controlling" and making a big deal out of nothing, and now I'm second-guessing myself.
    via u/Cutiepiegoddess
  • 07
    AITA for putting my foot down, or am I overreacting to something that really was "innocent"? 10.1k| 3,173 1 D
    via u/Cutiepiegoddess
  • 08
    Good-Gas-3293 • 13h NTA. He doesn't sound over her at all. I'd be out so fast if I had a partner that wanted to bring her ex to the wedding. Reply 5.9k
    via u/Good-Gas-3293
  • 09
    MountainHaxa • 12h NTA. His reaction says it all. It's not to defend and protect OP― it's to defend and protect Sara. ... 2.5k B
    via u/MountainHaxa
  • 10
    StrangledInMoonlight 12h • saying he stayed over until early morning just "talking This...he kept it a secret from OP, then then stayed over until early morning? And he doesn't get why OP has a problem with it? All signs point to cheating. And if he didn't cheat, he should understand why she thinks he might have. ... 306
    via u/StrangledInMoonlight
  • 11
    Aliceebabbyy • 11h . "Closure" is often just a way for people to rekindle old feelings. His decision to meet her without telling op is a major breach of trust. if she got married to him he'd cheat on her with sara for sure ... 158
    via u/Aliceebabbyy
  • 12
    SquirrelGirlVA • 11h Honestly, I don't think closure exists. Not in the way that Hollywood depicts it and how people like OP's ex seem to think it exists. That's a nice little fantasy, that you can be given a specific sentence or truth that will allow you to move on. In reality, "closure" is just you reaching the point where you can either let go and "forget" or you just learn how to shove it aside in a way that isn't super unhealthy.
    via u/SquirrelGirlVA
  • 13
    In a lot of cases, people aren't looking for closure. They're looking to be told what they want to hear. Even if they get that, it doesn't resolve the underlying issue and because they aren't dealing with it, it sometimes makes everything worse because they didn't get that magical moment where everything gets better permanently. They may even wonder if there's something wrong with them, giving them a new worry on to of everything else.
    via u/SquirrelGirlVA
  • 14
    I have watched my mom look for Hollywood closure and saw her get told effectively what she wanted to hear. It wasn't enough. ← 92
    via u/SquirrelGirlVA
  • 15
    Hoshi Jones • 12h He stayed there overnight for "closure"? Just how long does closure take? NTA. And he's badmouthing you to everyone, which only confirms your choice. Reply 49k
    via u/HoshiJones
  • 16
    Couette-Couette 10h And if closure was needed, it should have been given when he decided to be in couple with OP. 842
    via u/Couette-Couette
  • 17
    PeggyOnThePier • 6h So after 3 years or more, ex never got closure, until op was planing her wedding .what BS is he trying to pull. Plus he had to stay overnight? Yea right, sorry op tell him and all those family members that agree with him that they are fools. ... 557
    via u/PeggyOnThePier
  • 18
    Ordinaryflyaway NTA..you're the rebound. 12h ... Reply 4.9k
    via u/Ordinaryflyaway
  • 19
    Jill-up-the-hill-8 • 11h OP, that whooshing sound you're hearing is from the bullet you dodged. The "controlling" comment was game over no matter what. Get everything that is at his place and block him. They can have each other. 11.9k
    via u/Jill-up--hill-8
  • 20
    Beth21286 • 11h Exactly. You don't lie about things you don't need to hide. You lie because you don't want to deal with this consequences of something you know you shouldn't have done. He knows he shouldn't have gone, that's why he lied. 302
    via u/Beth21286
  • 21
    beek_r 13h NTA You should be able to trust Tom if he says nothing happened - but you can't. He has given you no reason to believe him - he didn't tell you about the meeting, he spent an entire night with Sara, and refused to talk about this burning need for closure with you. Why in the world would he commit to spending his life with you, if he hadn't already gotten "closure?" What the heck does that even mean?
    via u/beek_r
  • 22
    And why would Tom get back with you if he thinks you're controlling and making a big deal out of nothing. Even if he thinks it's nothing, he's completely oblivious to the fact that you don't, and guilt tripping you over having feelings. You've dodged a bullet, and maybe Tom and his ex can console each other. Reply 1.7k
    via u/beek_r
  • 23
    NTA bibbiddybobbidyboo • 12h Ok, let's say he didn't cheat. He prioritised her feelings and emotional wellbeing over yours. He's not ready to prioritise you, and therefore not ready to marry you.
    via u/bibbiddybobbidyboo
  • 24
    Ok let's say he got closure for him, then he wasn't ready for a relationship let alone marriage to anyone. This is not your person. I promise there is someone out there. You may not find them for a while but you're asking because you know this is a waiting to happen. Trust your gut. show Reply 1 839
    via u/bibbiddybobbidyboo

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