Dad cuts off his mom for feeding his allergic 4-year-old daughter cookies and cakes, refusing to babysit forcing him to lose out on a job offer: 'Mom tells the entire family that I refuse to see her for no reason'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jan 24, 2025 1:00 PM EST

You can never really predict what kind of grandparent your parent will be. Your mom might've been strict and straight as a line during your childhood, but the second your kids are born, she's all kinds of fun-loving and free-wheeling. In other cases, your parent might've been responsible and competent during childhood but constantly broke basic safety rules while caring for their grandchildren because they wanted a chance to be fun adults. 

It is essential to communicate with your parents about what they can and can't do with your kids. Things have changed since they were a young parent of young children, so they may not know that rice cereal in the baby bottle is a big no-no or that the cry-out method is regarded as being pretty harmful to babies' well-being. You're bound to let something slide, especially if the things aren't necessarily harmful but merely classic generational divides. 

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  • The dad in this family was the guinea pig in learning what kind of a grandparent his mother would be. Despite him claiming she was a perfectly good mother in his childhood, she went off the rails once her adult children started having input regarding the rearing of their children. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10458773504
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    AITAH. I had to cut off my mother because she wouldn't follow basic safety rules with my kids.
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 03
    I am the oldest of 3. I got married first and had kids first. My mother loves the in ground pool in the back yard. She offered to babysit when my first was born, and because we both worked, we were happy to have free child care. This went ok for 1 year.
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 04
    When my daughter was 2, and mom had just opened the pool, I reminded her do not put the baby in the pool. You just opened it yesterday and it is not heated. The water is too cold.
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 05
    Mom agreed and I went to work. (PS. Mom is obese, and has a lot of body fat that helps her regulate in cold water. The baby had very little)
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 06
    When I got home they were both in the pool and the baby was shivering. We argue." I bought her this little swim suit, and she was so cute in it, we had to swim". Mom said she wasn't cold, but the baby got sick.
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10458773760
    via JSB Co. (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    At 3 years old, my daughter was having food allergies. When I dropped my daughter off, I explained that she is having food allergies, we don't know what from, and the Pediatrician has her on a strict elimination diet, slowly adding foods to find which ones she is allergic to.
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 09
    Dr orders: do not feed her anything unless it is in this lunch basket. Prescribed diet only! Mom agrees When I get home, they are eating cookies and cake. Mom says "grandmas are supposed to spoil grand kids"
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 10
    At 4 years old, my mom lost the child in the store while shopping. A week later my wife looses her in a store. A month after that I also loose her in walmart and ask security for help. They call the cops, who lock down the Walmart
    via u/More_Good_Advice
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    and start a lost child search. (we found her hiding inside the camouflage jackets in sporting goods, which really, when you think about it, is a good hiding spot)
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 12
    So when I had a dinner invitation to meet with the VP and my boss to discuss promotion options and moving bonus, I told mom no shopping. She agreed, explaining that in addition to the 4 year old, she was caring for an senior / Alzheimer's patient family member.
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 13
    When I arrived, mom is getting herself and the senior ready to go out. She asks for the car seat. We argue about that for several minutes. She says I have to go to my important meeting, so I don't have a choice. Give me the car seat. I called my boss, asked forgiveness and canceled dinner, 'due to a small family emergency.
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 14
    The job offer was rescinded the next day. Dad refuses to discuss it. I go no contact. Mom tells the entire family/ friends/ neighbors/ church that I refuse to see her for no reason
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 15
    So. 4 questions: 1. AITAH for going no contact? 2. AITAH for trying to talk it out for months? 3. AITAH for keeping no contact unless she apologizes and promises to change behavior?
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 16
    (She pulled the same food stunt on my brother's kid and my sister's kids years later) 4. The 4 year old daughter is now 17! I have 2 more kids that she barely ever met. AITAH for keeping no contact unless mom agrees to discuss her behavior, apologize, and change the behavior
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10458780928
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 18
    SweetBabe1x You know, if there was an Olympic sport for ignoring basic safety rules, your mom would be a gold medalist.
    via u/SweetBabe1x
  • 19
    More_Good_Advice OP 1 gold and 2 bronze. My siblings have not cut her off yet, But they limit how much freedom she has with them. She has retired from competition now, and is coaching other entitled boomers into selfish heights and parenting lows
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 20
    LordViren Not to seem obvious but like.... she breaks rules literally set by doctors because she doesn't care. I mean the food allergy thing like I know it's probably unlikely but she could kill your child. What's she going to say then? Well grandparents are supposed to spoil grandchildren?
    via u/LordViren
  • 21
    Yes they are but not in a destructive manner and she lies to your face about not going anywhere with her and instead of making excuses just throws you under the bus potentially losing you an opportunity. Not to seem r de but have you checked out the raised by narcissist sub reddit? Not saying she is one but so far the only thing that matters in her mind is what she wants.
    via u/LordViren
  • 22
    hellinahandbasket127 It's not just that she could kill the child. It's the time and effort that goes into a food trial that she just flushed down the drain. It takes weeks on a restricted diet to clear their system before adding things back in a controlled manner. Now they have to start all over.
    via u/hellinahandbasket127
  • 23
    More_Good_Advice OP Wow. That is a calm and logical thought. My mother would hate you
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 24
    StrangledInMoonlight Honestly... the only thing you did wrong here was contributing contact after she ignored you on the allergy thing. That should have been the line for NC. But NTA otherwise.
    via u/StrangledInMoonlight
  • 25
    Tiny_Ad2861 Exactly this! After the food incident, your mom showed she couldn't be trusted to prioritize your child's safety or health. Your SO must have been incredibly patient because most people would've put their foot down right then. You're absolutely NTA for finally drawing the line-it should've happened sooner!
    via u/Tiny_Ad2861
  • 26
    davekayaus I mean, she was terrible at childcare, but every time she stepped over a boundary, you went back. Her surprise is genuine, since how was she to know you meant it that time?
    via u/davekayaus
  • 27
    More_Good_Advice OP You are 100 percent right. We did discuss that this was not acceptable, but I was stupid enough to think my mother would be responsible in the future. Silly me.
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 28
    thatgirlmelodie Not gonna lie, some of your original post as well as this response, seem a little passive aggressive and like you're looking to be agreed with, not hear opinions you don't agree with. If your mom hasn't seen the kids in 13 years, I'm not sure what you're looking for here. You've
    via u/thatgirlmelodie
  • 29
    clearly made a decision you can live with, and have for a long time. If your mom has been involved all this time, then YTA for waiting so long to go no contact and be surprised by her response.
    via u/thatgirlmelodie
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    More_Good_Advice OP Thank you for your reply. You are right on all points. Both on my behavior and on mom's Thank you
    via u/More_Good_Advice
  • 31
    CelestialSlainte I don't think that commenter was fair. Your mom was an endangering, bulldozing AH. That level of narcissism (lower case layman's term, not diagnosing) to think that her way is the only way, best way despite her parents' or doctors' wishes or basic common sense is not someone safe. Period.
    via u/CelestialSlainte
  • 32
    Certainly her babysitting is very dangerous, but so is supervised visits or even holidays. When people have that level of "I know best" then your child is not safe for a second around them. You can't go to the bathroom, you can't have a conversation with another person, you can't be distracted by hosting a birthday party or by life for a solitary second before they seize the opportunity to do what they shouldn't. That time is not on your side as you have to be perfectly alert 100% of the time wh
    via u/CelestialSlainte
  • 33
    That's not living. That's You're right to refuse that dynamic. Not just for you and your sanity but also for your children and their learning and understanding what loving, respectful and responsible relationships look like amongst families. Your mother was not willing to participate in that kind of relationship.
    via u/CelestialSlainte
  • 34
    You have spent 13 years estranged and your mother has not apologized, made up for the issues or come to terms with her mistakes and actions in the past. She has feigned ignorance and denigrated you to family, friends, and your community at large about your behavior as a family member and person.
    via u/CelestialSlainte
  • 35
    Why are you considering reconciliation? What has she done to endeavor to deserve being in your children's lives? To what extent is she a better or safer person or shown she respects you more?
    via u/CelestialSlainte
  • 36
    Time can fade the sharpness of the anger. That's how the body copes to protect you from the mental toll it takes. Do not mistake that for her being an actual better person than she was. She's still the person who endangered your child and after 13 years and no relationship with her child or grandchildren does not reflect on her mistakes. She's the AH.
    via u/CelestialSlainte

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family drama babysitter allergic job toddler allergies kids grandma babysitting dad little kids family food daughter grandmother mom Father
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